See Me in the Streets

"I went so motherf*cking hard on that n*gga he scared of me… [Bill O'Reilly] don't wanna see me on a battle on T.V. with conversation and cameras and he d*mn sure don't wanna see me in the hood, n*gga -- he left me the f*ck alone. And I got friends like 50 Cent and Eminem, you know, so I got powerful friends who can get at his motherf*cking a** without him even knowing it. They can do that."

-Snoop Dogg, Shade 45 via SOHH.com

Sh*t! I mean, f*cking SOHH dot motherf*cking com, n*ggas! S*metimes I c*n be SOHH f*rgetful.

Allow me to bring you up to speed if you’re a little lost right now. In the elation that captured all American negroes following our last presidential election, Snoop Dogg puts a blunt to the lips of a Barack Obama image on his t-shirt. Bill O’Reilly, a Snoop Dogg fan and obvious fellow WSHH lurker, takes exception and reprimands the rap-based celebrity on his primetime cable news network program. Snoop Dogg reiterates his challenge that O’Reilly host a special edition of The Factor live from a crip stronghold of his choosing. O’Reilly does not further respond to such tom fuckery. Snoop goads Papa Bear further, strokes his own ego and puts Eminem and 50 Cent right in the middle of his shit sandwich.

Put a pin in that shit sandwich. We'll finish it later.

On camera and trying to have an intelligent discussion is the last place anyone cares to see Snoop Dogg. I don’t want that nigga representing me as a black man, a citizen of hip-hop, or anything fucking thing else for that matter. I don’t know what citizen of hip-hop means, but it just sounds like some shit KRS-One might wake up and say in his constant redefinition of the term.

I only say as much because Snoop Dogg is an authority on intelligent conversation and I feel threatened by his brilliance. Fuck a Daily Show. Nigga like me watch that Doggy After Dark. Jon Stewart just gonna have to take the L. I mean, that’s what DVR is for, right?

What’s this silly negro shit about O’Reilly not wanting to see Snoop Dogg in the hood? I’m sure that’s exactly where O’Reilly wants to see Snoop Dogg. Back in Long Beach with Daz eatin up a whole damn box of Fruity Pebbles in one day. [Blogger’s Note: And ain’t got no job!]

In all seriousness, does even Snoop’s family get to see this nigga in the hood? What hood is this nigga talking about anyway? Are we talking Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood? In which case, sure. They gots them MILF weed-smokin hizzoes swangin and bangin mini-vans by the little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky.

[Blogger’s Note: Little boxes. Little boxes. Y’all tell me where the fuck the cops is.]

O’Reilly is not afraid of Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror. O’Reilly only fears Snoop Dogg and that darn Doggy Dogg Pound re-enacting Nate Dogg’s verse on “Ain’t No Fun” with his daughter in a few years. Papa Bear would not approve. It would be some shit out of CB4.

O’Reilly also fears hip-hop and R&B crossover records like Return of the Mackris.

[Blogger’s Note: You lied on me.]

Is that a shit sandwich on my desk? Oh, right.

While we’re aware Snoop Dogg is no longer concerned with public perception, one must ask about the kind of shit Snoop is publicly implying and implicating his famous friends in. Eminem and 50 Cent are “powerful friends who can get at his motherf*cking a** without him even knowing it. They can do that." What the fuck is a pilot in the No Spin Zone supposed to do with trade winds like those? Next thing you know Snoop, Em and Peacemakin’ Curly will be on the wrong end of a lawsuit or some bullshit involving terrorism, threats and conspiracy to do fucked up shit to be named after conviction.

Aspiring rapsters, behold the great spear and its brain cell-reducing might.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Falafel, my motherf*ckin n*gga? ron@ronmexicocity.com