Freestyles & Free Throws: The 2010-2011 NBA Lyrical Breakdown

Last night the National Basketball Association kicked off its 65th season and b-ball fans across the world are excited by this year’s headlines. First, there's LeBron James and Chris Bosh taking their talents to South Beach to play alongside Dwayne Wade on the Miami Heat. Then, after winning their second straight championship, Kobe Bryant and the L.A. Lakers are on a hunt for the three-peat, while the Boston Celtics (who signed the aging Shaquille O’Neal) look to return to the NBA Finals once again this year.

Among some of the biggest basketball fans are rappers like, Lil Wayne, Joe Budden, Game and Skyzoo—who are known to name-drop pro ballers in their rhymes constantly. So, in honor of the 2010-2011 NBA season, XXLMag.com analyzed a few key rap lyrics pertaining to the game’s current crop of stars and broke down the statistical meaning. We’re playing basketball, y’all! — Kai Acevedo, Ralph Bristout, Adam Fleischer & Rob Markman

“And you can suck my wings/Stand on my money head-butt Yao Ming,” —Lil Wayne, “Ignorant Shit”

Damn, Wayne. We know you’ve got good balance—what, with your ability to make songs that we can party to, smoke to, and play for the ladies—but this just seems outright difficult. Most reports have Weezy standing at a solid 5’6”, while NBA.com lists Yao (who is in his eighth season) at 7’6”. Our research shows that a six-inch stack of Benjamins amounts to $150,000. Thus, it would take four of those to make up the two feet the Young Money leader is missing to deliver that head-butt. Technically, he’d need to stand on those stacks with both feet, so now we’re up to eight stacks. But to ensure the necessary stability to launch into a full-fledged head-butt, Weezy would probably need to stand on at least four sets of six-inch stacks, set up perpendicularly to his feet, per foot. If you’re keeping up, that’s a total of thirty-two stacks of $100 bills, which in turn equals $4.8 mill. We’re guessing he’d be able to pull this off after all.

“Got a million dollars say LeBron don't win a ring. I know Kobe/I be on the floor ‘Kobe!’ You know a nigga that could score 81? Show me,” —Game, “Bulletproof Diaries”

True, true. LeBron James wasn’t able to win a ring with the Cleveland Cavaliers. So, as we know, he took his talents to South Beach and is ready to chase one there. He’s aligned with a couple of other superstars out in the M-I-Yayo and it seems like Bron’s got a pretty nice shot this year. An 8/5 shot, to be exact, according to linesmaker.com. If Game is still betting on Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers to repeat as NBA champs this year then his odds are sitting at 5/2. Put a mil' on that, you’ll get a cool $2.5 million back if L.A. three-peats in June.

“You’re on earth in a lemon, I’m on Mars in a Porsche/And it’s a 9-11 like the bahondo of course/I ball, like playing Rajon Rondo in H.O.R.S.E,” —Joell Ortiz, “Run This Town”

We’ve always known Joell Ortiz was a dope rapper, but XXL had no idea he was a psychic, too. When this freestyle dropped, the speedy Celtic guard was steadily proving himself on the court every night, leading a team of veterans and, in the process, making some tough shots—runners in the lane, three-pointers to beat the buzzer. But not until last February, during the All-Star break, did we know his true H.O.R.S.E. talents. Rondo hit shots from five feet behind the three-point line, the corner out of bounds and tricky lay-ups before ultimately succumbing to Kevin Durant in a shoot off. Let’s hope Double R put in enough summer work to finally win that elusive H.O.R.S.E. championship during the 2011 All-Star Weekend. Oh, yeah, helping hoist a championship banner in Boston won’t hurt either.

While the light on the sun’ll keep dimming, I’ma keep winning/Rookie of the Year,’bout a Buck, what up B. Jennings?” —Joe Budden, “Money’s On Me”

Joey wasn’t the only one who thought Milwaukee Bucks guard Brandon Jennings was a lock for NBA 2010 Rookie of the Year. While Jennings didn’t end up winning the R.O.Y. award—he came in third in the voting—he did have a solid case: he was the starting point guard on a playoff team, while the two guards that beat him out, Tyreke Evans and Stephen Curry, were on two of the five worst teams in the NBA (they both did put up some ridiculous numbers, though). Still, look for B. Jennings to raise his 15.5 points and 5.7 assist per game total and once again lead the Bucks to the NBA post-season. T. Evans and Stephen Curry? Well, they will most likely be taking an early vacation while the NBA’s elite play in this season’s playoffs.

“To each one his own, I'm John Wall, the money leading my road/I signed before I signed, get my sneakers and go,” —Skyzoo, “The Burn Notice”

John Wall was the first pick in this summer’s NBA Draft, so naturally it’s all eyes on him. As hot a commodity as he was for NBA teams, Wall was equally courted by numerous shoe companies. As pointed out here by Skyzoo, reports surfaced that the North Carolina native decided to sign with Reebok for an astounding $25 million weeks before he was even selected on an NBA squad. Indeed, he signed before he signed. He’s got his sneakers and we can’t wait to see him go.

"Tryna enjoy myself with Tez in Miami at the game/I just wish he knew how much it really Wade like Dwyane/It’s a weight that’s on my chest, whoever spottin’ me is playin’/So I’m liftin’ all alone, tryna not to get a sprain,” —Drake, “The Calm”

Drizzy employed some pretty tight wordplay here, using the phonetic pronunciation of Wade (or weighed). But things get deeper when we realize how much weight was on Wade’s shoulders, too—an entire team to be specific. After carrying the Miami Heat by himself over the last few years, D. Wade now has enlisted the help of LeBron James and Chris Bosh. Two-time defending League MVP James brings his career 28 points, 7 rebounds and 7 assists per game to South Beach, while Bosh is bringing along last season’s totals of 24 points, 11 rebounds and one block per contest. Many experts are predicting that the Heat will win between 15 and 20 more games than the 47 they won last year and that they’ll be able to turn last season’s first round exit into a title. No doubt that since this summer, the individual pressure on Dwyane is now just a bit lighter.

“For the lights glamour and glitz I plan to get rich/No matter who they get I still won’t be a fan of the Knicks,” —Vado, “Crimesqaure”

Just like Harlem legend Big L, Vado doesn’t exhibit a whole lot of hometown pride when it comes to the Knickerbockers. Though Donny Walsh and company lost the LeBron sweepstakes; they did re-up with Amar’e Stoudemire (25.7 pts per game) former Bobcats guard Raymond Felton and third-year forward Anthony Randolph. Still, while many insiders are predicting the Knicks’ offseason moves were enough to snag the eighth seed in the NBA playoffs this season, Vado remains unimpressed. Maybe the Carmelo Anthony trade rumors will change his mind, huh!?!

“Damn, another broken heart, I keep bitches by them twos nigga, Noah’s Ark/I got a 7 on me, I call my dro Lamar,”— CyHi The Prynce, “So Appalled”

In November 2001, Lamar Odom was suspended for violating the NBA’s anti-drug policy twice in an eight-month period. And while the NBA never officially disclosed what drug Odom was suspended for, his punishment was consistent with how the league traditionally has handled marijuana violations. Now XXL doesn’t condone drug use and Lamar has since won two championships with the L.A. Lakers, but in the season before he was busted for smoking pot Mr. Kardashian averaged a career high 17.2 points a game—we’re just saying.

“‘S’ on my chest ‘cause I’m ready to save him/’Cause I’m the one like I’m Tracy McGrady,” —Nicki Minaj, “Your Love”

The problem with presenting an older song as your lead single is that sometimes the references get played out. We’re sure that when Nicki Minaj originally recorded “Your Love” Tracy McGrady was rocking No.1, but when the track leaked online earlier this year the former Rickety Rocket had already been traded to the Knicks and sporting No. 3. Well, McGrady must be a huge Nicki Minaj fan, because he has since signed with the Detroit Pistons and is back to rocking numero uno. Can’t have one of our elite rap rookies with outdated lyrics, now can we?

“Okay, Lil Twist I’m Kobe, but I’m shooting like Ginobili,” —Lil Wayne “The Leak (Brand New)”

When it comes to his Young Money roster Lil Wayne has been one hell of a mentor, but we’re calling foul on this line. We’re pretty sure that Lil Twist is in no position to question a Weezy lyric, but Wayne’s rhyme is a tad misleading. In actuality Kobe Bryant’s career field goal percentage (45.5%) is slightly higher than Manu Ginobili’s (45.2%). Granted, Manu is better from beyond the 3-point line (he shoots 37.6% versus the Black Mamba’s 34%), so Wayne’s lyric isn’t totally wrong.