"My name is The Pumper, and I'll be your friend."
--A guy named The Pumper, in the movie The Cable Guy

Not to let you in on any more than you need to know about me, but I was obsessed with that Chippy D pr0n all weekend long. It was all I could think about while working like a Hebrew slave at the BGM.

Chippy D, if you ain't up on things, is Montana Fishburne, the 19 year-old daughter of actor Laurence Fishburne - Mr. Clean in Apocalypse Now; Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s 30 some-odd year-old father in Boyz n the Hood; Morpheus in the Matrix trilogy, so on and so forth. It was announced last week that she has a pr0n film coming out.

There was a video of her and black male pr0n star/producer Brian Pumper in what looked like it may have been a BreadCo (known in most places as a Panera Bread), discussing the finer points of the money shot and what have you, while "Life in a Northern Town" by Dream Academy played softly in the background. I can hardly imagine a more ideal way to spend an afternoon.

I consulted the Google, and I found an article where she was talking about how she wanted to become a real actress, and how Kim Kardashian, who became famous in part due to the pr0n film she made with Ray J, is her idol. Brian Pumper was quoted as saying that he had a lot of fun "working" with her, and that she was very energetic, or something to that effect.

It didn't make very much sense to me, because in the video at the BreadCo, it sounded like the pr0n she made was with that goofy looking kid, J. Pipes, who's supposedly her boyfriend. I thought the idea was to make a semi-amateur looking film of the two of them, like Kim K Superstar, Kendra Exposed, etc., like a private sex tape that had somehow leaked, and that Brian Pumper was involved primarily in a production capacity.

The only thing I could think is that maybe Brian Pumper's production company has a policy, similar to the policy at the modeling agency Russell Simmons was gonna start with Brett Ratner, where he gets to test out all of the new talent before they actually film. If I had my own pr0n company, I'd definitely have a policy like that. Unless that's illegal?

Come to find out there's actually two Chippy D pr0n films - one with Brian Pumper, and one with Vivid Entertainment, the company that puts out a lot of these celebrity sex tapes. Last week, Vivid sent out a press release announcing that they planned to release a video featuring Montana Fishburne, daughter of Hollywood actor Laurence Fishburne, and people must have hit the Internets, looking for a sneak preview, and found the video of Chippy D and Brian Pumper at BreadCo.

As Brian Pumper explained in a subsequent interview, he didn't even realize that making a pr0n film with Laurence Fishburne's daughter was such a big deal. She came to him, talking about how she wanted to be in pr0n, and of course he was more than happy to oblige. He claims this was before she signed the deal with Vivid. If you notice, her hair is different in the video at BreadCo (sensitive brother that I am, I notice things like that), her skin isn't quite as dark (yay), and her cans don't seem to be quite as big (though they're beneath a shirt the entire time). For all we know, that could have taken place way before the pr0n with Vivid. Keep in mind, she's only 19. She looks mad young in that video at BreadCo, while on the cover of the Vivid DVD she looks like the grownest of grown women. Very mature. But not mature meaning old, mature meaning built!

Let me guess - Brian Pumper read in the pr0n trades that Vivid plans to release of film featuring Laurence Fishburne's daughter, and he thought to himself, don't I have a film of myself dropping a load on Laurence Fishburne's daughter? His film Phattys Rhymes and Dimes 14 is now set to hit stores at some point this week, as much as two weeks before the release of the Vivid film, Montana Exposed. Does pr0n come out on Tuesdays, like music, or does it come out on Fridays, like regular, boring film. I only know the release schedule of BangBros. (I know that shit like the back of my hand.) I guess the key date here is when it shows up on World Star, perhaps edited into a sort of highlight reel, like the first time Caviar from For the Love of Ray J was on BangBros. (Yes, there's more than one now. Step your game up.) That can't happen soon enough.