You can tell K'Naan hasn't spent a significant amount of time here in the US, because he went on the radio today talking about how he supports the pirates and how a few of them actually happent to be his cousins.

He was a guest today (I'm assuming) on Shade 45's godawful morning show, and they asked him why he supports the pirates, and if he could break down the situation. I'm gonna go ahead and excerpt at length, so as to avoid having to do too much work on a Friday afternoon. Note that all spelling and grammatical errors are courtesy of Global Grind, where I found this.

K'Naan: It's strange as it is, a lot of people don't like me for saying that but i'm in support of the pirates.

Angela Yee: Why are you in support of the pirates?

K'Naan: Because western companies, like massive western companies would come to Somalia and dump nuclear toxic waste containers on the shore because there was no govt controlling the shore lines. So these pirate initially went into the ocean to make them pay for that sort of thing. So they just take everything for hostage or ransom, so that actually helped us clean our enviroment.

Emoticon: Can you break it down, I"m sure you probably have cousin that a pirates. How are they taking over the ships?

K'Naan: They got like real pirates they got like the mother ship, they really do different gangs got like different massive ships, and they they got like speed boats that the lounge from underneath the ship. And then the speed boats are mounted with machine guns and what they'll do is they'll go to a tanker or something and the speed boats will come flying every direction. They'll go around and overwhelm....

Emoticon: That's it i don't want to know anymore I'm nervous.

K'Naan: You know what's crazy on the real I was just telling someone' I literally do have pirate cousins.

Which is all fine and dandy... except I'm not sure if I'm buying his argument that there's really a progressive case to be made for these ninjas robbing ships. Is he sure they aren't just trying to get enough money to cop diamond studded collars for their hyenae, or whatever it is a brother buys when he comes into some money over there in Africa?

I can't help but be reminded of when the Coup had that song out encouraging people to boost clothes from department stores, as if it was gonna somehow help increase the wages of the poor bastards who work there, i.e. yours truly, when I think we all know that people who boost clothes from department stores are just just ign'ant niggas (or in the case of the BGM, wiggers) trying to come up on some shit with a Nike swooshtika on it.

Think about it: If the fine people of Somalia were really concerned with western companies dumping toxic material on their shore, wouldn't it be an official stance of the government to be out there robbing ships. It wouldn't be some random African dudes dressed like the cast of one of those Pirates of the Caribbean movies, it'd be the actual Coast Guard or whatever.

I don't doubt that the TIs really are using the coast of Somalia as a convenient dumping ground for toxic waste. That sounds like some shit they would do. And I'm not saying that, if that really is the case, they don't have a right to go in the TIs pocket. I generally applaud any and all efforts to fuck with a TIs money, provided it doesn't cost me anything. I'm just saying. How do we know that the money these guys are stealing is going to feed those poor babies with the flies on their faces? You know, the ones from the TV commercials. If you notice, K'Naan doesn't get into that.

I happen to know for a fact, because I saw it on the news, that the amount of money these pirates have stolen is into the hundreds of millions, if not the billions. Now, I'm no expert in math, but you'd have to think that, if it only costs a dollar a day to feed an African (let's even say two - let 'em go hog wild), and these pirates have stolen a billion dollars, they ought to be in bush meat for... I don't know, like infinity. Those motherfuckers should be sending me money, to help get my cable turned back on. After all, we're all part of the same diaspora. See, that's why black people can't get ahead like the Jews.

The thing is, we don't what the pirates are doing with this money. For all we know, they could be using it to the terrorists get a nuke. They are Muslim. And we know they've got nuclear material right there on our coasts. If they could figure out how to gank western civilization for a billion dollars, they could probably load that shit into a missile and wipe out the entire eastern seaboard. And you'd have to think that, if my dumb ass could figure out that they aren't spending that money on food, with a wicked hangover, using nothing but a $400 laptop, the government is probably aware of this.

Cue K'Naan getting detained at the airport in T-minus 10, 9, 8...