Did Brisco get pistol whipped?

[Taking off for the Chi again tomorrow, so I'm publishing Friday's post a bit early. Enjoy! -- Bol]

Does Brisco not have the Internets?

Earlier today I saw on Nah Right, in the sidebar, the same place where I saw the link to the post by Peter Rosenberg, where it said that Brisco had been severely beaten and robbed. It said he'd been pistol whipped, just like Big Pun's lazy, ungrateful wife. I only ever heard of Brisco from that time he said he was gonna kick the shit out of Yung Berg for making fun of Flo Rida's receding hairline. So, I figured Yung Berg may have paid some goons to pay him a visit. Twitter came back online just in time for me to share as much with people the world over.

Later on, I saw where Brisco told XXL he didn't he hadn't been assaulted, and I figured there must have been some sort of mistake. Maybe some other black guy got pistol whipped and robbed, and 5-0 couldn't tell the difference between him and Brisco. You know how police stay arresting black people for crimes committed by other black people who look kinda similar. And they're even more clueless when it comes to hip-hop. For a good 10 years after 2Pac and Biggie Smalls were assassinated, they kept trying to tie every hip-hop-related crime to some East Coast-West Coast beef. There's probably some random, clueless white guy trying to figure out who killed Biggie Smalls as we speak.

But come to find out Brisco was probably just lying. Or trying to save face. I saw on the Awl, which I don't necessarily check for hip-hop news (but which runs some good hip-hop stories none the less) where they had video of Brisco getting robbed and pistol whipped. It's been all over the local news down in Florida. There's a great interview with a cop, who jokes Brisco got a little bit more off of the top than he expected, that this robbery was "off the chain," and that, for a rapper to have his bling taken, they might as well have taken his heart. No, really.Even old white people who wouldn't know from Flo Rida, let alone Brisco himself, know Brisco got robbed and pistol whipped. What the fuck was he thinking, saying he didn't?

Brisco told XXL he wasn't assaulted, but that he was in a barber shopped that got robbed, and it was just a matter of him being in the wrong place at the wrong time. What that's supposed to mean, I'm not sure. He may have been trying to let us know that he wasn't specifically targeted - the perps just got really lucky that day. XXL, in its headline and in the actual story, makes it sound as if he did get robbed, but he didn't get pistol whipped. Which makes it sound like there was a robbery, someone else got pistol whipped, but when it was Brisco's turn, he was just like, "Here, take my shit. You don't even have to threaten me. Here's my wallet, $35,000 in jewelry, which I just so happened to be wearing to a motherfucking barber shop, the keys to my Range Rover, and how about the shirt off my back, while I'm at it?"

It would have been more heroic, if he actually admitted to putting up a struggle and having to be pistol whipped. Which is not to say that I would have put up a struggle. If I were sitting in a barber shop, wearing $35,000 worth of jewelry, with $1,000 in cash in a Louis Vuitton wallet (which is kinda gay), and I ended up getting robbed, I'd just have to charge it to the game. The shirt off my back wouldn't be an issue. I couldn't run the risk of any women noticing my (old) manly physique while I walk home. I don't know if I could handle that, emotionally. But then I wouldn't be sitting in a barber shop with that much expensive shit on me anyway. As Owen Wilson would say, Brisco is a damn fool, if he thinks he wasn't specifically targeted. A damn fool. He probably walks around with that much shit on all the time, and goons were just waiting to catch him slipping.

Say what you will about Soulja Boy (and I have), but I'll give him credit for learning from his mistakes. You used to see him in videos all the time bragging about how much money he had and how much shit he had in his house. Then goons ran up in his crib and took it. Now, when you see him bragging about how much money he has, it's at a no tell motel, where he bangs that guy A-rab. Brisco, being Flo Rida's weed carrier might not have any choice but to come outside with no jewelry on from now on anyway.