Anyone who tells you sales don't matter…well they're lying to you, young bucks. It's what the music business is all about. The bottom line. Them official SoundScan numbers. Whether they're praising New York, or swagger-jackin' the South, all the MCs of today really want you to do is get your lazy ass of this computer and head over to Best Buy to cop their latest long player. That's right, kids, there ain't no Santa Claus.

And what do I do? I sit back like a piranha and wait 'til the top of Wed morning to see the previous week's sales results. Sometimes it helps me in my decisions on who gets covers, who gets a small 2 pager or who gets jack shit. Only a privileged few usually get insight into YN's thought process but since I got a blog to fill (I'm promising more copy than I'm delivering) I decided to share with you my random thoughts about today's SoundScan results for the week ending 4/9/06.

Much was made last week and deservedly saw for T.I.'s impressive gold-in-one week (521K) bow, but it's back to reality for the South's King as he drops 65% (the average drop-off is 50%) selling 184,563 copies. Adding more salt in young pimpin' wounds is some country group Rascal Flatts shitted on the ATLien's accomplishment by selling
721,747. That's right, there's still a lot of White people in Middle America who still don't like rap music. Who knew?

Next rapper charting is the Charm-ed debut from Mister Bubba Sparxxx (sorry for the mix-up, accept the fix-up) who sells about 51K. Good enough to crack this week's top 10. That's about 15 thou more than Ghostface's second week slip. Like T.I., the media darling's Fishscale went from 110, 055 to 36,835. God Damn! Carter Administration, holla atcha boy! Let's have an emergency meeting.

Although marred by a series of personal tragedies, Eminem still has a "retired" music career that continues to flourish as is devoted fanatics continue to cop Curtain Call like it's hot. He's at 2.2., so fuck you! We doubted Chamillionaire but he continues his Revenge ridin' past gold to the tune of 645,000 or so copies. At #45, Juve holds steady at 350K after 5 weeks while E-40 doesn't seem to be able to follow his formidable first single's momentum. 178 something ain't ballarific! Lil Jon may need to yell at someone. Whhaaatttt! (Sorry I had to do it.)

A couple of steps down, Dem Franchize Boyz' snap-crackle-pop is on its way to gold (379 in 9 weeks). If B.G. gets 10 bucks a record from Koch than he's a millionaire 'cause his Streetz Vol. 2 is 100+ in 21 days. His nemesis, Lil Wayne is crawling to platinum; currently at 876 after about five months. The last rap act in the top 100, are them Oscar carriers Three 6 Mafia's who now have a shot at platinum with their current 762K status. Most Known Unknowns? Not anymore.

The second half of this chart is sadder than Coach Brown and his bummy bunch. Here all you need to do is sell anywhere from 5-10,000 copies to chart and not many rappers can even do that. Yeah they still have songs played on the radio but there's no Bow Wow, Remy Ma, or Lil Kim over here. Instead we got Paul Wall at 705K; Young Jeezy at 1.5;
Nelly's SweatSuit double cheeseburger goes gold; Kanye's almost triple plat; Biggie does a million (know dead rappes get better promotion); Grand Hustle's Hustle & Flow soundtrack is at 381 while one of its stars' comp Ludacris Presents DTP has pushed past gold; Scarface's Homies outsell his group Product at 115; Ying Yang Twins' fake album
is at 187, and hip-hop's laughing stocks D4L are at 430. Laughing their way to a gold plaque.

That's right, shorties, hip-hop seems to be goin' back to its roots and gold is once again the standard of success. At least until hip-hop has its greatest fourth quarter in recent memory with new albums from The Game, 50 Cent, Nas, Jay-Z and, you guessed it, Dr. Dre. I can dream, can't I? That's 5 hot covers in a row. Screw your rap charts, I must do my numbers.

P.S. I'm paid double my salary to do this blog. Shhh! Don't tell anyone.