Posse on Trendwatch: Trolling for alcohol

The New York Times has this policy where you have to have at least three hardly related observations in order to declare something a trend. But guess what, bitches? This ain’t the New York Times.

In the past 24 hours, I’ve heard about two different failed rappers trying to get people to buy them alcohol, and I figured that ought to count for something. If I wanted to, I could probably find you another example of a rapper using his minor celebrity for the purposes of getting his drank on, even if I had to DM one of these clowns from the guest list blog on Twitter.

Speaking of Twitter, I read yesterday that Jean Grae has been using a site called Twitpay to try to get people to send her money so she can buy some Vodka. The way it works is, you go to this site Twitpay, you enter a person’s username on Twitter and a dollar amount, and it sends the person that much money via PayPal, probably minus the typical (i.e. ridonkulous) PayPal fee. There’s probably a second screen where you have to enter your credit card information. I didn’t get that far, even though I am thinking about sending Jean Grae some money to buy some Vodka.

I’m just concerned that she might not use my money to buy Vodka. I’d hate to send her some money and find out she used it to buy some food for her kids. There’s a field in the Twitpay form where you can enter the reason you’re sending the money, but there isn’t a field where you can stipulate the consequences, if the money isn’t used for the reason you sent it. And it’s not like you could just take someone to court because you sent them money to buy some vodka and they used it to feed hungry children. I’d try, but I’d probably just get laughed right out of court. You know how these judges like to legislate from the bench.

The only foolproof way to know an artist is killing brain cells on your dime is to hand him the alcohol in person. You wouldn’t have any choice in the matter if you booked Coolio to play a show, since a bottle of Patron is part of his fee. I read just now, on the same site where I read about Jean Grae (obviously I don’t follow Jean Grae on Twiiter), that Coolio is out here doing shows for $3,000, a bucket of chicken, and a bottle of Patron – you know, that same shit Soulja Boy gave one of his weed carriers $1,000 to down a bottle of.

I was looking for the video of that, just now, for old times’ sake (no Freddie Jackson), and I found a video of some guy in a liquor store parking lot doing the exact same thing. And then the related videos section was full of clips of people taking Patron to the head. I’d try it myself, but I don’t want to be the first person to die imitating a Soulja Boy YouTube video. My mom would be so embarrassed. Of course, I’ve downed a bottle of Tequila during the course of an evening – it’s part of the reason why I’m here today. And I figure I’m about twice as big as the other guy’s I’ve seen do it. The thing is, I’m not out here trying to impress anyone. I drink to get intoxicated. Fuck YouTube.

But I digress.

Thing that surprised me about Coolio was not so much the fact that he can be plied with fried chicken and alcohol that comes in a shiny container. He is black, after all. But I’m surprised that he only makes $3,000 a show. It might take having been in the 8th grade circa 94-95 to understand this, but Coolio was fucking huge back in the day. And now he’s out here dancing for chicken, just like that guy Adisa Banjoko accused me of. If I had a job that paid a living wage, I could probably hire Coolio to play my birthday party. I’d even save on the alcohol and the chicken, since there’d be alcohol and chicken there anyway. There’s alcohol and chicken here, even when it’s not my birthday. My house is like Ludacris’ house, minus all of the expensive shit.

It makes you wonder how much it would cost to book some of these other rappers – you know, some of these people who weren’t nearly as big as Coolio. Remember that guy Jemini the Gifted One (i.e. the funk soul sensation)? I bet you could get him for a two piece and a biscuit from Church’s and a tall boy of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull. No fishsticks. Only thing is, you probably couldn’t get him to perform at all. Too much pride. Remember when that guy Prolyfic was on okayhater talking about how he couldn’t afford to feed his kids, because Lupe Fiasco wouldn’t let him do the beats on the Cool? Then he tried to claim he didn’t, even after several people offered to send him a care package.

I wonder if he’s on Twitter. I might have to send his kids some lunch money, for my own personal amusement.

  • General

    Hey Bol, I don’t know if you saw, but XXL got OJ droppin blogs this week, so you better to step up your game to keep up with the competition…

    Aye! OK

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      Your boy was reading this blog while my money kept piling up. Aye Aye! Ok!

    • http://www.cassavaleaf.com/ CassavaLeaf

      Orenthal James Simpson is writing?

  • Silly Chilly Willy

    I thought you were gonna go at Noz, with the title….

    • Silly Chilly Willy

      “Thing that surprised me about Coolio was not so much the fact that he can be plied with fried chicken and alcohol that comes in a shiny container. He is black, after all.”
      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

      This is hilarious !!! However, if you don’t like chicken, something is wrong with you…..and if you don’t like alcohol, then someth…err, more alcohol for ME !!!!!!

      God, I love mormons……

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    Panhandling is big business in America. @ least with technology, we don’t have to worry about them attacking us in a parking lot with a bat when we laugh & say “get a job, lice factory”.

    Alcoholism is even bigger business, so the fact that Coolio is smart enough to add that Patron clause, instead of using his crack money to buy it, shows that he’s not as dumb as we think.

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    “Jemini the Gifted One (i.e. the funk soul sensation)”

    You get dap for even knowing about homie.

    • Mitch

      Co-sign. I had forgotten about him, until I found the video on Youtube, a moment ago.

  • casey

    My house is like Ludacris’ house, minus all of the expensive shit.

    lmao

  • http://www.hotboxbeats.blogspot.com hotbox

    crabmeat of the day: snowcrab

  • HNIC

    “I might have to send his kids some lunch money, for my own personal amusement.”

    LMAO! That’s a douchebag move, but, fucking hilarious!

  • BIGNAT

    “I could probably hire Coolio to play my birthday party. I’d even save on the alcohol and the chicken, since there’d be alcohol and chicken there anyway. There’s alcohol and chicken here, even when it’s not my birthday. My house is like Ludacris’ house, minus all of the expensive shit.”
    it’s nice that you keep only the purest of foods around you hahahahah

  • hate

    bol, you gonna review the new jay-z?

    there is a few bangers on it, i’m not gon’ lie.

    even though he is basically one of the TI’s, he still knows how to put songs together.

    a few of um at least. would’ve been a solid ep.

  • hate

    my bad son. i just checked your site. bout to read it now

  • chillin mayne

    jajajajaja, bol u a fool homie

  • capcobra

    funny shit bol.

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  • Che

    The entire Blueprint 3 is on Facezook.com, all the lyrics and everything, this leak is crazy, it’s gonna affect his album sales in a huge way.

  • giantstepp

    “I’d try it myself, but I don’t want to be the first person to die imitating a Soulja Boy YouTube video. My mom would be so embarrassed.”

    LMAO. You a damn fool Bol!

  • ko

    Chicken and Patron were NOT part of the terms. It happens to be a deli and Coolio asked (while at the veneu) for this. It’s called a rider.

    Yes, Coolio is on Twitter (@real_coolio).

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