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2009 DDN Tournament – Round 1, South Region Voting

Welcome back to the first round of the 2009 DDN Tournament. Today we unveil the region you’ve all been waiting for. Packed with power-conference players and programs, the South is expected to set the pace, tone and standard for the rest of this year’s competitors. I can’t wait to cast my ballot. I’m sure you can’t either so, here are your matchups.

#1 Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em vs. #16 Terrell Owens

Both hail from the deep south. Both have embarrassed themselves and their regions to the best of ability at every turn. Both have made a grip of change doing so. While Soulja Boy loves his massa, T.O. knows no master but himself… and the CVS pharmacist. I expect a landslide, but who knows? Maybe signing with the fucking Buffalo Bills is enough to trump a reigning Minstrel of the Year. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#8 T-Pain vs. #9 AIG

Both use synthetic shit to mask very real problems. Even the Universoul Circus ringmaster himself is feeling the pinch from the investment giant’s mishandlings. The trickle down seems to only hold true in times of distress as Akon’s debt has Teddy Pizzle’s family crying foul like the rest of us. I, for one, can’t belieeeeeeve it. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#4 George W. Bush vs. #13 Gunplay of Carol City Cartel

While Obama and his unfortunately excessive melanin reserve are taking all the heat, the collapse of the free world began on Gee Dubb’s watch. We have Florida to thank both for his “election” and the self-etherization machine known as WSHH Conference Second-Teamer, Gunplay. As if riding around in Officer Ricky’s padded wagon isn’t a bad enough look, Sideshow Bob here is challenging the world to give the internets an encore of his Knockout Kings-worthy performance from yesteryear. Some bored WSHH Commenter just might take him up on the offer. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#5 Usher vs. #12 Jermaine Dupri

In a classic student vs. teacher matchup, Usher and JD show the world how to get led around by the privates. Both ATL representatives sport significant others who can significantly whoop their asses. One had it bad. The other had a TAG. Whatever happened with that label anyway? Maybe it’s finally under some frat boy’s armpit where it belongs. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#3 Webbie vs. #14 Bobby Jindal

I-N-C-A-R-C-E-R-A-T-E… do you know what that mean? Regardless how the tournament plays out, the Louisiana DDN title is on the line RIGHT CHEA, LIL’ DADDY! Do we give it to 2008 OJ Slow Chase of the Year Award Winner, Webster? Do you vote for the curry coon locked in a rap battle with Michael Steele for JC Watts’ seat at Massa’s dining table? It’s a tough call. Interestingly enough, Jindal could take Webster in a rap battle while Webbie could better hold crowd interest in the arena of formal debate. Think about it. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#6 Parlae of Dem Franchize Boyz vs. #11 DJ Khaled

Despite not having a hit record in years, Parlae has bread long enough to set a six-figure stack ablaze behind an apartment complex in the middle of a recession. Coincidentally, I’d burn everything I own if it meant I’d never have to hear DJ Khaled’s voice again. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#7 OJ Da Juiceman vs. #10 Young Buck

I really don’t know who’s dumber. Juiceman’s got the worst lyrics I’ve ever heard. Young Buck fucked himself into a corner and got Linda Tripped up. I’m confroosed, people. Still, I’m thinking #10 upset, Creighton style. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#2 Gucci Mane vs. #15 Mya

Ewwwwwwwww. We all know why Gucci’s here. Between being OJ Da Juiceman’s lyrical mentor, going directly to jail after every release and the Balrog jump punch on that one chick, Gucci’s done everything he could to secure and validate his lofty seeding in the toughest region. Mya, winner of the FFT Conference Tournament (Fuckin’ For Tracks) sneaks into the dance, ironically into the arms of her current boo. I want you to let this one marinate. Who’s dumber, Gucci or the girl who thinks she can get back into the game by fucking him? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

Questions? Comments? Requests? This region not icey enough?

Don’t forget to holler at me tonight, 11PM EST on BlogTalkRadio. We’ll talk DDNs and whatever the fuck else your icey cold heart may desire.

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