Ladies, gentlemens, skip-skaps and scolly-whops... Welcome to the opening round of the 2009 DDN Tournament. You've been waiting entirely too long as it is. Let's dive right into the first round matchups in the Midwest Region, where voting is already in-progress.

#1 Yung Berg vs. #16 Dude

Mr. Dark Butt didn't come all this way as an 2008 NP/DNCAA First-Teamer to be ousted in the first round, or did he? The mystery fucker in 50 Cent's BooBooTV experiment may be poised to fuck up brackets left and right. We've all seen the video. That's some indubitable, unimpeachable nasty shit. What's dumber, cultural self-hatred + shit-talking + being "an artist" or going raw dog on The Leaning Tower of Skeezer in 2009? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#8 Katt Williams vs. #9 Steve Harvey

Do you cast your sole vote on the man who forgot his own name at a motel before throwing stones? Do you go with reigning Coon of the Year who somehow thought he could outhumor Pimpin's Paramount in Detroit? Is wearing the original Chopper Suit enough to skate by to the next round? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#4 Alex Rodriguez vs. #13 [Every] Major Label [Sucks Dick]

One didn't know if he was doing it right. The other hasn't done anything right since the internet era began. Both are likely to be involved in hooker scandals. Is A-Roid dumber than your standard-issue out-of-touch record label executive with nothing newer than 1982 in his personal music collection? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#5 Octomom vs. #12 Kid Cudi

Now that he's retracted his retirement bitch fit, Kid Cudi's looking like Jonah in the face of mother grouper. He's chum to a whale at this point, but only votes matter. Maybe Octomom isn't as interesting as the form-fitting, multicolored hoodies that grace the rap magazine covers these days. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#3 Sarah Palin vs. #14 Charles Barkley

They both inexplicably harbor political aspirations. I get the feeling Palin can hold her liquor a little better. I also get the feeling she knows to have her hoes cab it top-speed to the crib, as opposed to getting caught out there sweaty and speeding. Charles, on the other hand, has to know that Africa isn't one big country. It's broken up into at least 5 of 6 smaller ones. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#6 Kwame Kilpatrick vs. #11 Jim Cramer

Pimpin' Kwame broke damn near every law in the books en route to his slow, long-awaited ouster. To his credit, he did his time and went down gracefully... compared to Rod Blagojevic, that is. Cramer not only knowingly capitalized off of the greed and mishandling that ultimately forced Kilpatrick [and his entire constituency] into a life of pimping, but came to The Daily Show for his public flogging. Wowsers. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#7 Karrine "Superhead" Steffans vs. #10 Jesse Jackson

I'm sure Jackson's plenty pleased to be so close to Superhead, even if only in a metaphorical bracket. The former SDN Cinderella regressed enough in 2009 to lose the benefit of doubt that earned her the respect to be considered "smart" by the sweaty locker room known as the XXL readership. Jesse just wants his nuts back. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#2 Plaxico Burress vs. #15 VLADTV.COM Content

We've got some of the world's most blatantly niggerish content up against one of the world's most blatant niggers. Yes, I said "niggers". Only a nigger would have his baby moms iced and hide in the trunk of his car until discovered by the po-- What? Wrong wide receiver? He only shot himself? Damn. Why is he ranked so highly? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

Questions? Comments? Requests? Having trouble deciding on the dumbest of the dumb niggas?