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Blame it on the Hennessey

Who could have guessed that a marriage that began underneath a giant Hennessey bottle would lead to a knock down, drag out brawl at a rap concert?

Er, allegedly, I should say. I can’t say for certain that Talib Kweli got kicked out of his own album listening party (which I guess means he has a new album out?) for getting into a wrestling match with his wife, because honestly, I wasn’t there. All I have to go on is the report in the New York Post, which could be BS, because the New York Post has been known to throw rappers under a bus, at least as far back as the fourth Public Enemy album, which, believe it or not, was 20 years ago (check a calendar), trying to make it seem as if Professor Griff is batshit crazy, Chuck D has a tendency to talk out of his ass, and Flavor Flav is an embarrassing crackhead. Pshaw! Kweli himself vehemently denies that any such altercation took place.

I’m not sure if he also denies the part where he supposedly joked, in front of an audience, thanking sponsor Hennessey for paying for his wedding, or otherwise he wouldn’t have got married. I just so happened to see where he copped a plea wrt the actual wrestling match the other day on Twitter, while I was checking to see if any famous people had died. I was like, Tha fuck? Talib Kweli put a shoe on his wife? Please tell me Hennessey was involved. Then I checked, and, wouldn’t you know, Hennessey was involved. Then I went back to whatever it was I was doing, i.e. working like a Hebrew slave (not here, obviously), and eating and drinking like it was going out of style. I didn’t even really get a chance to fap the way you’d like to during a holiday weekend. All that food and alcohol must have had an effect on my libido. Not to let you in on any more than you need to know about me.

Anyway, this happened a good week or so ago, which wasn’t even this year. I’m not about to dig through several pages of updates on Talib Kweli’s profile (nhjic) the way I did that time I was trying to find where Jean Grae – who, oddly enough happens to be on Talib Kweli’s label – was trolling for money to buy alcohol. If she hasn’t already, she might want to check with her boss about receiving a regular, free shipment of Hennessey. Which would serve the dual purpose of helping avoid the embarrassment of begging in public for money to buy alcohol, as well as helping to promote Hennessey – which is apparently what conscious rap is all about in 2K10 2K11. It’s not like she has an endorsement deal with Aristocrat, or whatever brand of bottom shelf vodka is common in New York. #corporatesynergyfail

According to the item in the New York Post, Kweli’s wife, DJ Eque (no, really), got pissed off when she saw him hollering at some other chicks, and probably also because of that shit he said about Hennessey paying for his wedding. She may have taken the sight of him talking to other women, along with his comment about not wanting to get married in the first place, as an indication that he didn’t want to get married in the first place. You can see why a woman might get upset about some shit like that. And you can also see why he’d want to downplay it in the media. It sounds like this wrestling match between the two of them was kinda onesided, on her part – she ran up on him, tackled him, the two of them fell and knocked over some glasses of Hennessey, and that’s why they got kicked out. If I were him, and he’s really serious about not wanting to get married in the first place (maybe he was drunk at the time and didn’t realize what he was doing), I’d see about getting a divorce on the grounds of reverse spousal abuse. What’s the likelihood, really, that this is the first time she’s laid hands on him? Plus, he’s got well documented evidence of this most recent incident, which seems to be the key to a comeup for the guy in divorce proceedings. Cases in point would include Britney Spears’ babies’ father (my idol), and that guy who got his ass whooped on an episode of 16 and Pregnant.

Those damage control tweets suggest to me that Kweli thinks this is something that could end well, but he might want to take it from someone who’s been drinking long and steadily enough that I’m capable of making good decisions, while drunk, about most things except for maybe grammar. If your wife tried to wrestle you, thus causing you to get kicked out of your own album release party, this is not the last time she’s gonna do something that makes you wish the marketing department at Hennessey hadn’t been so generous. It’s not so much a matter of whether or not this relationship is coming to an end, it’s whether it’s coming to an end now, when there’s a good chance she won’t be able to get her hands on any of that Blacksmith money, whatever amount that would be, or later, when she might try to make it look like you were the one that was the aggressor.

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