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Sure, rappers are always brushing shoulders with Jake, but a select few just keep making headlines as of late. With the amount of arrests, as well as warrants, these high-profile artists have been racking up since becoming famous, it seems like they’re competing to surpass Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s lofty and notorious criminal record. Since these MCs have managed to escape lengthy bids (they got a few dollars, they can fight the case), XXL decided to propose our own sentences to put ’em in their place. No, this doesn’t mean we’re on the rap patrol’s payroll. Truthfully, some of our stars just need a hug.

NAME: SNOOP DOGG

KNOWN ARRESTS SINCE FAMOUS: 8

MOST RECENT INFRACTION: 3/12/07, Sweden, suspicion of narcotics

LEGAL STATUS: Banned from Australia, the U.K. and British Airways

RECOMMENDED SENTENCE: Nine hours on a plane, seated between ex-bosses Suge Knight and Master P, watching marathons of his movies Bones and Soul Plane

NAME: DMX

KNOWN ARRESTS SINCE FAMOUS: 9

MOST RECENT INFRACTION: 2/2/07, New York, driving with a suspended license

LEGAL STATUS: Arrest warrants issued on April 12, after Dark Man X failed to show up for court dates in White Plains and Yonkers

RECOMMENDED SENTENCE: Bellevue. Therapy could work wonders. Then have Russell do an intervention that includes daily dog walks, heavy yoga and meditation

NAME: FOXY BROWN

KNOWN ARRESTS SINCE FAMOUS: 3

MOST RECENT INFRACTION: 2/15/07, Florida, misdemeanor battery and resisting arrest

LEGAL STATUS: Rejected plea deal and is now facing the possibility of a year in jail; already on three years’ probation, she’s due back in court Sept. 24 RECOMMENDED SENTENCE: Three months of community service at a beauty salon in

Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, giving daily pedicures and hair extensions to Lil’ Kim

NAME: BUSTA RHYMES

KNOWN ARRESTS SINCE FAMOUS: 5

MOST RECENT INFRACTION: 5/3/07, New York, suspicion of drunken driving

LEGAL STATUS:
Rejected plea deal, due in court Dec. 11 for assault charges; separate 2005 assault lawsuit settled out of court

RECOMMENDED SENTENCE: Weekly sessions with Eminem’s anger-management counselor and being forced to listen to solo albums from every member of Flipmode

NAME: THE GAME

KNOWN ARRESTS SINCE FAMOUS: 4

MOST RECENT INFRACTION: 5/11/07, California, suspicion of making criminal threats

LEGAL STATUS: Facing five years for criminal-threat and weapon-possession charges

RECOMMENDED SENTENCE: Banned from name-dropping Dr. Dre, Detox, Compton, Eazy-E and Nas in any of his lyrics, and he has to turn in his (alleged) fake badge