It took a great deal of strength to write this one y’all. My goodness gracious. Let’s get started. Shall we?The show began with Ursher lip synching “Love In The Club.” He had a nice number of sexy, exotic chicks dancing with him. They had the walkway floor going across the stage for dramatic effect like they were dancing at an airport. When I see the video for this song, I wish I was in it with my black leather jacket and one of my pairs of shades. I’m not even going to lie about that! There were lots of sharp movements in his choreography. I got Here I Am a few days ago, but still haven’t listened to it except for the title track. Sounds like a Ne-Yo composition. I just listened to Confessions yesterday on the way to work. That album is bangin’. “Love In This Club” is cool. It definitely sparks the conversation, “Would you make love in a club?” Speaking for myself, you never know what you’re capable of given the right space and opportunity. LOL. It would have been a good way to set the show off if he actually SANG THE DAMN SONG AND DIDN’T LIP SYNCH IT DAMMIT!!! I swear I can’t stand lip synching! Ne-Yo looked like he was a tad bit skeptical after the performance. Maybe he was thinking, “My performance is so much tighter than his! I should have set this show off!” Hmmmm…
MC Lyte is announcing once again. Get that money Lyte….I’m not even mad, ma.
They showed Rick Ross in the audience. I heard he’s dating Foxy Brown. Er, cool? Another edition to my never-ending list of things I could care less about.
D.L. Hughley hosted, lookin’ suave. I like D.L. as a comedian, but I must say that so far his jokes suck something awful. Talking about R. Kelly being acquitted, our potential black president, and John McCain being too old. I should have just DVRed this and fastforwarded through this because I didn’t laugh once.
Terrence Howard and Jennifer Hudson came out. Singer turned actress and actor turned singer. Terrence Howard came out with a guitar. I was watching saying to myself, “If Terrence is coming out with a guitar, he better play that thing!” They played and sang to each other in a playful, yet extremely corny way leading up to announcing the Best Male R&B category. Jennifer Hudson is as thick as day old oatmeal! Good God Almighty just bustin’ all up out that tube-top dress! They apparently got the announcer guy from the all the movies to narrate these categories. La Dee Freakin’ Da!
The nominees were Chris Brown, J. Holiday, Raheem DeVaughn, Ne-Yo, and Trey Songz. My vote was for Ne-Yo. But alas Chris Brown won. Eh. His hair was black, but his Mohawk was light brown. I don’t know if I approve of that one. The Ghey?
Young Jeezy performed “Put On.” I have to say this is the first time I had watched BET for this length of time since last year. They must have had a 5-second delay because I counted at least twice that Jeezy got muted while he was rapping within the first 30 seconds of the song. Kanye came out to spit his verse but the quality of his mic was awful. I don’t know if he was rapping through a vocoder, but his mic was just horrible. Either way it was a bad look. I must say so far these performances and the monologues have been terrible to mediocre.
Kevin Hart and Spice Girl aka Eddie Murphy’s baby momma, Mel B came out to announce the Best Male Athlete award. Man, Kevin Hart is shorter than every damn body isn’t he?! (Editor’s Note: Even Jermaine Dupri!) Next time they get him to present an award they should bring him out with Lil Kim, just cause. From the looks of things they’ll at least be at eye level! I know I’ve said this before, but the more I watched, it just kept getting reaffirmed: These monologues were corny as hell. Kevin Hart called himself a chocolate Chris Brown? Negro please (Word to XXL). You need to grow another 24 inches first, OK pumpkin?!
Kobe Bryant won which made absolutely no freakin’ sense to me (How’s Shaq’s ass taste? LOL). If they were going to give the award to a basketball player, why not give it to someone like, say, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, or Paul Pierce? You know, someone who actually won the NBA championship this year?! (How’s Shaq’s ass taste?)
At first sight I was saying to myself, “Who in the world were those busted lookin’ broads telling people to vote for viewers choice?!” And then I realized it was Keyshia Cole’s sister, Nefe, and former crackhead mother (Editor’s Note: Ouch.). Who’s idea was it to put them up?! For the love of God people c’mon!!! Nothing against these sisters but that was just a bad idea!
Keyshia Cole performed “Heaven Sent.” Wow! She got her gap fixed. I’m big on teeth and the whole thing, but personally I found that little gap of hers…sexy. She started singing on this crazy high platform. If she had fallen off of that thing, it would have been curtains for real! I’m sure she was a tad bit scared as she started to sing louder as the platform lowered. That looked like a coonskin dress she had on,though. I was wondering, did she beat up Daniel Boone for that skirt or something? She flipped into “Let It Go.” Lil’ Kim came out and did her verse on that song. She looked much nicer than usual (Ahem, being nice here).
Now Anthony Hamilton’s hair actually being lined up and Keyshia’s teeth I almost don’t recognize any damn body! Allow me to reiterate, so far I’m really not feeling these performances. Keyshia’s performance wasn’t that good and I was very surprised at her because up until now I could always count on Keyshia Cole to deliver a stellar live performance. If Keyshia didn’t rip it, I pretty much had no hope for the show, and this thing isn’t even half over! So far this whole show has been torture!
Cuba Gooding Jr., Morris Chestnut, and Nia Long came out in front of a blown up “Boyz N The Hood” poster just in case no one in the audience realized what they all had in common or were too young to actually know about that movie. It would have really been cool if they got Ice Cube and Lawrence Fishburne, too. They announced the best female Hip Hop artist.
The nominees were:
Missy Elliot, Eve, Kid Sister (who the hell is that?), Lil Mama, and Trina.
The winner was Missy who wasn’t there. Big deal.
So far I am still completely devoid of motivation to watch Black Entertainment Television and as soon as this broadcast is over I’m going back to my usual routine of NY1, BETJ, VH1, Lifetime, Fox, NBC, HBO, and Comedy Central.
D.L. is messing up reading the damn teleprompter. Oh for the love of Pete!
Ne-yo performed “Closer.” He stepped out into the crowd appealing to both Queen Latifah and Debra Lee. So far this was the best performance of the evening hands down. There was no lip synching and the dancing was great. Thank you, sir!
LL Cool J and Ashanti announced the Best New Artist award.
Ashanti’s look was straight out of the ’40s. With her hair and her dress, she looked like she was on her was to Sugar Rays or something. She couldn’t even walk in that damn dress she had on.
The nominees were The Dream, Estelle, Flo Rida, Chrisette Michelle, and Soulja Boy Tell’em (his name is actually Soulja Boy Tell’em. Not just Soulja Boy, but Soulja Boy Tell’em. Take a few minutes to let that sink in. Interscope…you’re very welcome.)
The winner was The Dream who also wasn’t even there. You think they’d know this stuff and have him there or give it to someone who there!
D.L. had the nerve to ask if the crowd was having a good time. Even the crowd had a lackluster response when he said that.
Alicia Keys performed my joint, “Teenage Love Affair.” She sang the song in a slightly lower key. So far so good. Then she flipped into “Weak” by SWV. I love that song, but I couldn’t help but to wonder why she would sing it. But my question was soon answered she took me right back to Junior High School and brought out Coko, Taj, and LeeLee! I was damn near floored y’all! But she didn’t stop there! Next thing you know, the beat for “Hold On” came on. I was sitting watching thinking, “I know she ain’t about to bring out En Vogue!” Sure enough, Terri, Maxine, Dawn, and Cindy came out! Still lookin’ good too! And if that weren’t enough, she finished with TLC!!! Alicia stood right in between T-Boz and Chili doing the bankhead bounce while they sang “Waterfalls.” That was major!!!
Comedienne Niecy Nash came out talking about Madonna and Angelina Jolie adopting black kids. Then she claimed that she was competing and doing her part by bringing out some white kids claiming she adopted. Whoever wrote these jokes needed to get their ass beat for real. That was just in poor taste. She announced the Best Male Hip-Hop artist.
Nominees were Common, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, Snoop Dogg, Kanye West
My money was on ‘Ye. And whaddayaknow?! Kanye was victorious. And relatively quiet! We all win!
T-Pain performed with just a fraction of the artists he’s collaborated with this year. He was rocking a bright silver suit with matching top hat keeping up with a “Ringleader” theme. At first glance I thought that he might have been Bootsy Collins. One of his dancers looked the wrestler Sting. Flo Rida came out first. Then Rick Ross came out with his shirt open exposing his belly and tattoos. Never mind his shameless showing of extra flab and tats, he was rapping over his vocal track! Man I hate that!That is corny as hell. That brother looks like he’s 49 1/2 years old. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but my man needs to come of age. DJ Khaled came out and did “I’m So Hood remix” with Big Boi and Ludacris. Except for Rick Ross, the performance was good.
Gabrielle Union and Derek Luke announced video of the year.
The nominees were, Ashanti for “The Way I Love You,” Erykah Badu for “Honey,” Mary J. Blige for “Just Fine,” Alicia Keys for “Like You’ll Never See Me Again,” UGK and OutKast for “International Players Anthem,” and Kanye and T-Pain for “Good Life.”
All right! UGK won! Damn right! Justice has been served!!! Rest in peace, Pimp C!
D.L. Hughley announced Marvin Sapp by first calling him Warren Sapp. Idiot. Marvin Sapp sang “Never Would have Made It.” He had everybody in there on their feet singing the Lord’s praises. If they use this performance to phase out the BET Gospel Celebration, I’m going to be pissed. He had some beautiful images in the background like Barack and Michelle Obama and Thurgood Marshall among many others. Great performance.
Mary Mary and Lisa Lisa announced the Best Gospel Artist. Lisa Lisa done got chunky y’all.
The nominees were The Clark Sisters, Kirk Franklin, Deitrick Haddon (never heard of him), Marvin Sapp, and Trin-I-Tee 5:7
The winner was Marvin Sapp. Wow, I never would have guessed that! Yeah right.
Chris Brown performed “With You” then “Take you Down” and brought out Ciara to do nothing but dance. Ciara was looking pretty useless up there. (Editor’s Note: She sure looked smokin’, though!)
David Banner, Brandon Jackson, Solange, Soulja Boy Tell’em, and Cassie came out representing Generation Now to announce the Best collaboration.
The nominees were Chris Brown and T-Pain with “Kiss, Kiss,” Keyshia Cole with Missy and Lil’ Kim for “Let It Go,” Flo Rida with T-Pain for “Low,” DJ Khaled and everyone he must have blackmailed with “I’m So Hood,” and Kanye West feat. T-Pain with “Good Life.”
My money was on something featuring T-Pain. LOL. I knew it. ‘Ye and T-Pain won. T-Pain walked in extra slow motion to the stage. That brother has some real clown tendencies, but you really can’t hate on the man. He makes some catchy ass songs!
Tocarra was lookin’ good telling people to vote for Viewer’s Choice.
John Legend announced Reverend Al Green.
In the tribute, Jill Scott sang “Still in Love with You.” You can always count on Jill’s hair to be different every time.
This time it looked like a locs mohawk. She was wearing what appeared to be a big piece of yellowish silky fabric with a hole cut out for her head. Looked nice.
Anthony Hamilton came out what looked like sequent denim. An open shirt with long gold chain with a mini charm. He sang “So Tired of Being Alone.” Angie Stone was in the crowd feelin’ him.
Jazze Pha was in the crowd like he was straight off the riverboat.
Holy sh*t did he say Maxwell?! Whoa. Maxwell came out and sang “Simply Beautiful!!!” He ripped it. Cut his hair too. I need his new album to come out yesterday!
Al Green gave a short and sweet acceptance speech. Oh that’s why. He performed! He started with “Let’s Stay Together.” He knew his voice wasn’t all there, which is why he prompted crowd participation so much. He topped it off with “Love and Happiness.” What he lacked in vocal quality he more than made up for in performance. God bless him he said, “I wanna thank the academy of the BET” for this award. My goodness gracious. Is it wrong of me to assume he was hittin’ some Kool Aid before the performance?! Hmmmmmm…….
Terrence and Rocsi and the winner of the 106 & Park contest, Jacob Mann, came out to present the Viewer’s Choice Award. Jacob looked like he spent his whole paycheck on that jacket he was wearing.
The nominees were Chris Brown’s “Kiss Kiss,” Keyshia Cole’s “Let it Go,” Alicia Keys’ “No One,” Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop,” Soulja Boy’s “Crank Dat,” and Jordin Sparks’ “No Air.”
The winner was Lil’ Wayne. He brought up Kanye with him. How nice.
By this time I started thinking really out loud, “Is this sh*t over yet or what?!”
Rihanna sang “Take a Bow.” She actually sounded good and she owed it all to standing completely still. So it was good to listen to but not much to watch.
Debra Lee announced Quincy Jones. Looking at her I couldn’t help but think about that episode of The Boondocks, “The Hunger Strike” only available on DVD. Quincy was presented with the Humantarian award. Quincy said the quote, “If it rains, get wet.” That’s a good one.
Ashanti came out still wearing that completely out of place ’40s getup to announce Nelly and AntiGravity Boys. Nelly came down one aisle while Jermaine Dupri came down another. Nelly was wearing shorts sagging them looking like many of the young boys I worked with when I was a caseworker. They performed while a bunch of dudes were slam dunking with a trampoline on stage. Then Ciara came out rockin’ a crazy busted wig. Lastly, Fergi came out to perform another song with Nelly. This performance did little to nothing for me either.
Diddy and Lauren London came out afterwards to present the award for Best Female R&B artist. Wait a minute dammit! This was supposed to be over at 11pm. So why in the world was it 2 minutes past the hour with no end in sight?! Let me find out this network needs to switch names from BET to CPT!!!
The nominees were Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Keyshia Cole, Alicia Keys, and Rihanna. I was actually cool with any of these sisters winning.
The winner was Alicia Keys. Alicia came out saying how “Everyone wants to be like us!” and declaring the death of the word “can’t.” (R.I.P.?) She finished with a big shout out to Barack Obama.
Lil Wayne and T-Pain came out to perform some song that I don’t know and don’t care about the name of. He finished with, you guessed it, “Lollipop.”
Thank God that’s over. As bad, monotonous, and painful as it was to watch the BET awards this year, it was damn near worse writing this commentary. It seriously took everything I had to sit and write this thing. My decision to stay away from a good deal of BET watching was reaffirmed tenfold watching this show. With the decline of mainstream exposure to quality music and so many award shows that at the end of the day are just excuses for us black folk to get together and perform, I’m seriously losing my motivation. But stay tuned!
Keith Julian “Just Sayin” Richards
Animated Life, LLC