Just say no to Juelz Santana

I know it’s a recession and all, but damn. Don’t let me find out Juelz Santana got busted for selling drugs to schoolchildren.

Here’s what we know, based on a blog post I skimmed a couple of hours ago at Sandra Rose, and a news item here that wasn’t as informative (just saying): 5-0 conducted a raid on Juelz Santana’s studio, in Bergen County, NJ (where all the gully rappers hang out), in which they found two guns, several boxes of ammunition and 17 ziploc bags bags filled with marijuana.

Obviously, the shit wasn’t for his own personal use, if it was in 17 different bags, as if it had been killed in prison; and obviously the shit wasn’t for sale to high rollers, if it was separated into 17 different bags. He wasn’t functioning as a distributor to other drug dealers, who then stomp on it and break it down into tiny quantities, for people who can’t buy a lot at once, because they have addiction problems. like Young Jeezy. This was some real nickel and dime shit, like in high school.

In addition to the drugs and weapons offenses, Juelz was charged with possession with intent to distribute a controlled substance withing 1,000 feet of a school zone. Which I’m sure they throw the book at you for, even if they don’t have pictures of you giving kids free samples of various drugs in order to get them hooked, which I heard, in the DARE program, is what they do. If Juelz had been busted with a few kilos of fishscale, or some shit kids could neither afford nor fuxwit, his lawyer could argue that obviously there was no intent to actually distribute to schoolchildren. But this motherfucker got caught with umpteen bags of dirt weed – the main drug they use in elementary school, unless it’s been overtaken by bath salts. Plus, you know good and well Cam’ron probably has a rhyme somewhere in his oeuvre about how he’ll even sell drugs to schoolchildren. He talks about selling people’s mothers drugs at least once per album. That may even be the source of tension between him and Jay-Z.

I remember reading a couple of weeks ago where one of Juelz Santana’s weed carriers, a weed carrier for a weed carrier (in a recession!), got busted with drugs. Probably weed. 5-0 was supposedly looking for Juelz Santana, but they found this guy instead. Maybe they thought this guy was Juelz Santana. He’s not that famous, plus you know how 5-0 has a hard time telling black people apart. Every now and again, you’ll hear about a black cop getting shot by one of his colleagues, because they thought he was a gangbanger. (That was how Officer Przbylewski decided to pursue a career in education, in The Wire. Spoiler alert.) How in the fuck are they gonna tell Juelz Santana from Juelz Santana’s weed carrier? Maybe they heard Juelz Santana’s real name is Laron James, and they found a nigga who looks like Lebron James. If so, he should check to see if he’s Lebron James’ real father. I think I see a way out of this!

So, Juelz Santana’s weed carrier got busted a few weeks ago, and now Juelz Santana himself has somehow been arrested. Hmm… That’s now how that situation was supposed to pan out, is it? I wonder if Juelz Santana assumed that his weed carrier would explain to 5-0 that the several dime bags of dirt weed they found on him belonged to him, not his boss, the same way Juelz would if he were to get busted, and 5-0 started asking questions about Cam’ron. That would explain why he didn’t bother getting rid of those 17 ziploc bags of weed he got caught with, or at least moving them to somewhere that’s not within 1,000 feet of a school zone. Or it could be that Juelz Santana’s financial situation is not at a point where he can afford to just throw away 17 dime bags of dirt weed, a “reported street value” of $170, as they’d say on the news.

In the item in this site’s news section, Juelz Santana’s brother cops a plea with regard to the fact that it appears as if he hasn’t been able to put up the $125,000 it would cost to temporarily spring big brother Juelz from the pokey. Pause. He said he did, it’s just that all the computers are down in the prosecutors office, so it seems like he didn’t. Oh, really?

Translation: He’s on the phone with their mom, trying to get her to put her house up (plus her jewelry and the good china, if necessary) as collateral, but she wants him to stay in there for the rest of the week, to teach him a lesson. Plus, that china belonged to his grandmother, who would roll over in her grave, if she found out he got busted selling drugs to schoolchildren.

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  • bamerican

    It’s official. Dipset has fallen completely off the map. As if Camron’s physical appearance in that Clipse video wasn’t bad enough, Juelz has to go and peddle some dirt cheba at his place of business. Where’s that Clockwork money? I can only assume Jim Jones is about to engage in some act of stupidity.

  • http://yourmothers lucky

    How retarded can you be.. I mean really and I teach special ed kids.. BOL = not well informed. Haneef.. the weed carrier is question bares no resemblance to Juelz. If was his house/ studio so yes he was gonna be arrested he was already looked at as a person of interest Nore do any of them look like Labron James.. plus the kid that got busted is like Hispanic or Indian or something…lol.. anyway..Don’t speak about the wire unless you lived it jerkface..

    Baltimore… the city..that well forget it…

  • BoneGrissle

    Fuck da souf. Bunch of inbred illiterate niggaz.

    • Devildog

      Really? Are you serious? Juelz is from Harlem and the other kid proably is from NY..So what does the south has to do with this shit? U a fucking hater. and you hating without a cause or audience. Shitbag

    • bolt 45

      Your a fuckin clown!


    You should have thrown a kareem burke joke in there somewhere.

    • Blaq Gavin


  • cmoney91

    “How in the fuck are they gonna tell Juelz Santana from Juelz Santana’s weed carrier? Maybe they heard Juelz Santana’s real name is Laron James, and they found a nigga who looks like Lebron James. If so, he should check to see if he’s Lebron James’ real father. I think I see a way out of this!” LOL

  • mav

    this post had me rooollllin damn juelz…y no syrup jokes? cuz he career went downhill after he stopped being able to feel his face

  • Nessa

    this blog was very well done! made me laugh too hard at some poinnts!! good job Bol :)

  • http://xxlmag.com RICHNGA

    Another former ROC-A-Fella caught selling weed.

  • sealsaa

    “How in the fuck are they gonna tell Juelz Santana from Juelz Santana’s weed carrier? Maybe they heard Juelz Santana’s real name is Laron James, and they found a nigga who looks like Lebron James. If so, he should check to see if he’s Lebron James’ real father. I think I see a way out of this!”

    Classic material

  • Don mcCaine


    Go check that Rakim poll results thread y’all…word is bond…

    who do they be polling?

    this thread is dead, Juelz already posted bail and chopped it up w/Angie on Hot97, so let’s get back to the music…

  • Q461

    First off anybody got any updates on Kareem Biggs Burke? Dude got caught with way more than this a few months back as apart of a larger organization and we havent heard shit yet…

    Juelz is out on bail but hopefully he don’t have to do a bid.Too many rappers in jail. I still got love for Dipset and am waitin on the reunion album with rumored Dre production. Salute was pretty hot especially with Vado on the remix.

    Speakin of Vado… Do remember Cam/Vado-Gunz N Butter droppin next month….

    @ Don.

    Word, lets get back to the music. Everything is about personal lives of rappers these days on these blogs… I wanna get back into the debates about music…Maybe cause its February and there havent been many major releases as of yet….

  • these posts are racist

    This drop is hilarious Byron…

    • jonny bizness

      Yo TPAR I just watched a Louis Theroux documentary on The BBC Iplayer about the Ultra Zionists Shit is disgusting I know that’s your lane check it out very informative and Syk i ain’t gonna front I ain’t got a clue how to send the heat over to you but my pal is coming round later to show me I’ll get it to you Asap still new to this Internet Shit lol

      • these posts are racist

        Good lookin’ fam. I’ll check it out. Also, if you’re interested, “youtube” anything having to do with Professor Norman Finkelstein.

  • caino

    Post had me rollin, v funny Bol.

    Yo Q, this music biz been slowly turning into one of those gutter magazine that our girls read for a while now…….all music talent is forgotten!

  • Don mcCaine

    @ caino


    since 2005…

  • that nigga

    Some very funny shit.

  • alderman j

    How do we know it was DIRT WEED, how do we know it was SANTANAS and not somebody elses, SANTANA wasnt even in town when they raided the studio, Do we really believe DIPSET has fallen off, when they was JUST IN THE STUDIO WITH DOCTOR DRE?? Yall sound like a bunch of misinformed white people on here, please this shit will be a minor blip on his radar, he will get sombodey to take the charge for him since he wasnt there, only thing they can get him for is conspiracy, or some kingpin shit, and we know that aint going down for 17 bags, HATE ON HATERS, now i see why VADO, CALLS THE DIPS THE MOST HATED!!!!

  • http://facebook.comsearchLilRail LILRAIL


  • http://www.cor-e-billz.yolasite.com Cor-E-Billz

    Damn thats crazy, but im still feeling his music

  • ToMeK

    Funniest shit I’ve read all week… :)