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Irrelevance buried alive

In retrospect, Ja Rule probably should have seen about expediting the process that ultimately led him to be sentenced, just now, to two years in prison.

Ja Rule got busted with a gun, or whatever it was he got busted for, the same time Lil Wayne got busted – which was a long-ass time ago. 2007 was three years ago, going on four years ago (I did the math), but it seems like a decade ago. Remember, this was back before “A Milli,” and Tha Carter III, which actually sold a milli its first week out, so on and so forth. Only cracka-ass crackas like Noz gave a shit about Lil Wayne. His career was at the same point Odd Future’s career is at now. (Does this mean Odd Future, whoever that is, is gonna sell a million albums in a week? Nah, right?) Lil Wayne’s career has since run its course, at least commercially. No one gave a shit about either of the albums he put out this year. And I don’t want to hear that shit about him not being free to promote them: you know being in jail is supposed to make you that much more popular.

How is it that Ja Rule is just now being sentenced for something that happened such a long time ago? Since that fateful night back in ’07, T.I. got busted for his umpteenth felony, did that reality show in which people actually let him around their kids, did like a year in jail, got out, had the number one movie in the country, got busted again and went back to prison. I don’t even want to know how many times DMX has been in and out of jail. DMX himself probably doesn’t even know. It’s not like Ja Rule’s schedule these days is so packed that it took him that long to make it into the courtroom. I know there was a time, after Fiddy had Ja Ruled his career (in fact, the incident for which the term Ja Ruled was invented), when Ja Rule stubbornly continued to put out albums, as if anyone would give a shit. But I’m pretty sure even that’s been over for a good half a decade now. He definitely hasn’t done anything since that gun arrest, and I’m at a loss for what was the last thing he did before that. I could check the world’s most accurate encyclopedia, but I don’t care enough to.

If Ja Rule would have been thinking, he would have made it a point to have himself thrown in jail as soon as possible – even if it meant marching himself down to the courthouse, interrupting a trial already in process, and explaining to the judge that there was no reason to drag out the process of deciding whether or not he had a gun (which you apparently can’t have in NY), and what his punishment for that should be. He’d just take whatever the maximum penalty for that offense would be, which, from what I understand, is what he ended up doing anyway. He could have even brought a gun with him that day, if he thought that would help his cause. Which I’m sure it would have, since his goal would have been to have his dumb ass thrown in jail, back in ’07, before it was all trendy.

Nowadays, there’s so many rappers in jail, it’s hard to even keep track, let alone give a shit. I make fun of rappers going to jail for a (sort of) living, and I’m not sure if I could give an accurate accounting. In addition to some of the few rappers who still have careers on a major label at this point (Lil Wayne, Gucci Mane, T.I., et al.), who could be either in or out of the pokey at any given moment, because they’re hardheaded like that, you don’t think about some of these southern rappers who are spending lengthier stretches behind bars. Is Turk from the Hot Boys still prison? I know C-Murder had managed to get out, at a certain point, despite the fact that there’s a (really quite sad) video of him killing that poor kid he killed. And I heard Lil Boosie had racked up some ridonkulous, Ted Bundy-like number of bodies – though I’m not sure if he shot them all himself, or if he paid someone else to do it, with that “Wipe Me Down” money. Wit the exception of Ja Rule, who could be considered an honorary southerner, on account of his crap music, these guys are all from the South. Is this the way the ’00s-era southern rap craze is gonna play itself out, with pretty much everyone either going to jail, or od-ing on sizzurp? Damn.

It’s a testament to just how irrelevant Ja Rule is that I didn’t even realize he was on Twitter (maybe that’s what he’s been up to) until just now, and even then only because of course 50 Cent has been baiting him all morning long, joking about Ja getting beat up and effed in the a in prison. I clicked over to Ja Rule’s profile, and I see he’s describing this as a minor setback for a major comeback – a Leonard Cohen-style minor fall for a major lift, if you will. If only so many dumbass rappers over the past few years hadn’t already exhausted the supply of rapper going to prison gimmicks. The shitty freestyles over the phone? The contraband iPod? The letters to your fans? The MTV reality series? The polaroids with the location written on the front in black magic marker, as if it wasn’t already obvious? Even converting to Judaism has already been done at this point.

Maybe Ja can see about getting let back into the Jehova’s Witnesses.

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