Michael Jackson and Chris Brown’s career: still dead

Seeing the list of trending topics on Twitter last night filled with the most random of black musicians mostly served as a reminder that the term Black People Twitter had its origin in one of these BET award shows.

A year or so ago, white people logged on to Twitter, saw a similar list of trending topics and were like, Tha fuck? Did black people – not regular (by Internets standards) black people, but the kind of black people who still know what channel BET is on – all just discover Twitter at once, as if its URL was sent out in one of those chain emails, like the one about how black people were gonna lose their right to vote in 2006, or the one about how the Jena 6 went to jail just for stomping a white kid within an inch of his life? You could see why white people might be concerned. Further research revealed that black people took over Twitter at night, while people who work for a living were asleep, but it’s since gotten to the point where black people’s asinine discussions of why #uainthittingitright and what have you dominate Twitter at all hours of the day and night. It’s been estimated that a full fourth of the people on Twitter here in the US are black, even though we only make about 12% of the population, and even though black people theoretically can’t afford as many computers as white people. (Did Nike start making a computer?) Has anyone ever seen a Mexican on Twitter? I’m just saying.

Of course I didn’t bother to actually tune into the BET Awards, or whatever it’s called. I was tired as a motherfucking, from having worked a few shifts in a row at the BGM, and even if I weren’t, I would have been catching the season premieres of Hung (mad underrated) and Entourage, on HBO, which I had to DVR. Entourage usually only interests me about as much as the BET Awards, but I heard my boo Sasha Grey is a guest star this season, and I’ll watch pretty much anything with Sasha Grey in it, as long as there’s no scat involved. (Producers of the BET Awards might want to take note.) In fact, the other main reason I haven’t been on the Internets as much lately is because some dude on my formspring sent me working usernames and passwords to all of the top Internets pr0n sites. I don’t know if this guy is a haX0r or an especially generous friend or what, but he’s given me pretty much the best gift a man could possibly receive that doesn’t involve an actual living, breathing woman – arguably even better, because you can continue to enjoy this gift for years and years on end. If only there wasn’t so much work involved in downloading the best 2,000 or so scenes (only the cream of the crop, nullus) to my external hard drive. I’d stop by the local Home Depot and hire a Mexican to do it, but then they might discover Twitter. Lollerskates.

The highlight of last night’s BET Awards, to hear the Internets tell it, was Chris Brown’s tribute to Michael Jackson, who’s been dead a year this past Friday. You’ll recall that Chris Brown was gonna do an MJ tribute at last year’s BET Awards, which must have taken place not very long after Jacko bought the farm (or the petting museum, as it were), but he got cock-blocked by Jay-Z. The rumor at the time was that Jay-Z was banging Rihanna, and he gave her herpes, which she then gave to Chris Brown, and that’s why Chris Brown rearranged her face. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but if it is, I could see why Jay-Z would be especially upset. There must be an especially close relationship between people who have the same strain of herpes, almost like having a kid together. The two of you are connected for life, in a sense. Given a choice, I’d rather just take a girl’s virginity, but you don’t always have a choice in the matter, and that’s not gonna be an option for you nearly as often, once you get to be as old as Jay-Z.

I wonder if BET even bothered to contact Jay-Z this year, to see if it was alright if Chris Brown performed, or if they just figured what the fuck? It’s not like there was any chance of this saving Chris Brown’s career. Maybe if he somehow managed to outdance Michael Jackson, but he didn’t. His MJ impression wasn’t even as, erm, impressive as I remember it from the MTV Awards a few years ago. The 50 year-old, damn near dead Michael Jackson from that concert rehearsal footage movie could have eaten Chris Brown’s lunch (and then played with his balls). Anyway, I don’t think people were concerned with whether or not Chris Brown is a talented performer. He wasn’t a talented performer in the first place. People just want to know what Rihanna did that set him off (Jada Pinkett). Not that there’s ever an excuse to fuck up a woman’s face like that, but it’s one thing if he just indiscriminately started beating the shit out of her. If we know that she gave him herpes, or she was going through his text messages, at least it gives us an idea of his thought process. There’s a lot of women out there who wouldn’t have done some shit like that. Why do you think this guy Joran van der Sloot has reportedly been inundated with love letters and marriage proposals since he confessed to Stephany Flores? They realize that what he did was wrong, but at the same time they understand that sometimes a man could use a little privacy.

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  • ri067953

    Awww man….I thought you were gonna shit on Chris Brown for his obvious PR stunt. Him crying and shit like that was an obvious ploy for him to get back his record and ticket sales. It’s just funny how people in the audience seem to be falling for that shit.

  • hate

    good post

    yo u didn’t do your weekly skank roundup at byroncrawford.com

    the fuck?

  • Escobar9300

    I personally don’t mind Chris Brown. Dude is no MJ, but the kid is still kinda dope. Was it wrong for him to beat down the Rihanna like Moltisanti used to whoop Adriana in the Sopranos? Sure it was, but that doesnt mean dude isnt talented. He’s Just a dummy when in a crunch lol

  • Teddy

    zzzzzzzzzzz fucking boring was a struggle to finish reading this the amount of times i looked at the little x on the top right of the tab

  • alock21

    I havnt watched BET sinse high school (about 5 years ago) but I did watch the Chris Brown performance on Worldstar, wasnt impressed.


  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    “There must be an especially close relationship between people who have the same strain of herpes, almost like having a kid together. The two of you are connected for life, in a sense.”

    Sad (and hilarious) but true. Ask any woman with herpes or HPV and she’ll never forget who gave it to her. Much like a baby daddy.

  • biggamike

    “His MJ impression wasn’t even as, erm, impressive as I remember it from the MTV Awards a few years ago. The 50 year-old, damn near dead Michael Jackson from that concert rehearsal footage movie could have eaten Chris Brown’s lunch.”


    • http://hiphopisread.com/ Ivan

      …”and then played with his balls.”

  • dat k00n nigga

    all i wanna know boi what da link to blackpeopletwitter

    i been googleing like a slave and i cant find da motherfucker

  • Maya

    “dat k00n nigga” you retarded? there is no website called “black people twitter”… grow a brain?

  • nicholasdelorejo

    To be honest I don’t think it was a matter of whether BET wanted to give Chris Brown a break. I think the truth of the matter is that no matter how hard the media tried to distroy Chris Brown, he is as close to a Micheal Jackson-ish artists as we can have today. Is he as talented as Mike: no. But So far no artists can con close. Jason Deluro sucks ass even as a mediocre R&B pop singer; Justin Timberlake is showing his age and like Usher his music has gradually deteriorated.

    If there’s anyone whose career might be in trouble it’s Jay. IF this rumor is true, then the powers that be might want to select a new urban spokesman for the illuminati. Who knows how much Chris’ last record could’ve sold had Jay just let him perform last year and try to redeem himself instead of threatening to not show the video for “D.O.A.” It’s not like people were eager to watch it or that Rihianna sold an impressive amount of records. And it’s no secret that Jay’s other business ventures have been fucking up. I’m not saying Chris should be forgiven or that he has that much talent to allow a comeback, but I just hate seeing a talented dude like Chris Brown reduced to doing mixtapes and Wale or Tyga features.

    • Malik

      Considering Chris Brown’s album went double wood and Blueprint 3 is like 2 double platinum at the moment and making appearances on every single TV show performing, I doubt Jay is the one that needs to worry about his career.

    • swype-matic


  • rip sweet james jones

    the joran van der sloot shout out was classic. a little privacy. hahahahahahahahha

    • geico lizard

      If Natalee Holloway had not left with 3 strange men she would alive right now. She had a boyfriend back in alabama but she chose to get drunk with strange men in a foreign place and leave. If she was being faithful to her boyfriend nancy grace wouldnt have to talk about her murder everynight. Im not saying she deserved it but you have to be smarter and not acting loose would help. Jane Velez Mitchell said women should be able to get drunk without getting raped and I agree but the rapists arent as reasonable as the rest of us. So just be smart about where you go and what you do and who you do it with.

      Its never a good idea to get drunk and go off alone with 3 strange men but to do it in another country is insane. It would be dangerous to do that in america but at least we have some laws here.

      Dont let your wife or girlfriend go on vacation alone because they will cheat. Women jerkoff and suck male strippers so just imagine what they do to a whole island full of men you will never know about.

      • Master CHeef

        geico lizard, you, sir, kick ass.

  • El Tico Loco

    Chris Brown was given a raw deal since the incident, not condoning hitting a woman. But the media didn’t try destroy him for hitting a woman, they tried to destroy him because of the woman he hit. If Rihanna was the same chick that Gucci mane slapped, or Liza Rios nobody would give 2 shits and he would still be touring or whatever.

    • yoprince

      nah. time passes and ya’ll forget.

      pushing a chick is one thing. shaking another. slapping, also just another thing. you could even get away with a jab to the gut maybe. wrong, but ostensibly a knee jerk reaction.

      chris brown, breezy, whatever you want to call dude beat the shit out of rihanna. busted her face open. then he proceeded to choke her and threaten to take her life while gnawing at her face.

      there’s only so much you can let go.

      the internet and blog posts and jokes and all of that has really desensitized some of you people. you all need to really imagine your mother’s, daughter’s, or sister’s face looking like rihanna’s that night.. then ask yourself if you would care who hit whom first, or who was cheating with whom.

      • El Tico Loco

        You missed the point, not taking away from what he did. I’m saying is that the headline wouldn’t have been as big if the victim wasn’t as popular hence my examples. If Pun’s widow was lets say Toni Braxton in her prime back then, how far do you think his career would’ve gone being that he was batterer? Or do you think R Kelly would be walking the streets if he pissed on Keke Palmer? hell naw! But he pissed on who? Exactly! I don’t know her name without googling it either.

  • fastflipper


    he catch a L cuz he hit riahnna

    rihanna is a money machine thats why

    yeah maybe is was a stunt maybe not

    chris is a good kid hope he gonna be able to come back

  • Sha

    Flame Thrower 5.0……

    Wake up people…. B.E.T. is not owned by black people any more. So black people are not cutting him a break. Chris Brown didn’t get a bad break. He got a fair break. I get tired of hearing people talk about how wrong Chris Brown is getting treated. Well think about it this way people….

    What if you had a job. Not just any job. YOUR DREAM JOB…. You know what? Fuck it….
    What if you were Obama in the White House… And you smacked up Michele (regardless of what she did)? What do you think the public would do? They would ice your ass and try to take as much money from you as they could. This is exactly what the industry did to Chris… The only difference is… there are dumb-assed Chris Brown fans that are willing to give him a pass and pretend that shit never happened. PEOPLE! WAKE UP! NO ONE WENT AND SMACKED CHRIS BROWN! HE DID IT TO HIMSELF!

    Should he permanently wear the scarlet letter? Hmmmm. That’s a tough one…… HELL YES!!! Because statistically speaking, most men who hit women NEVER STOP! I have no pity for Chris. He wears this struggle and shame because of systematic exposure to violence. His mom got her ass beat. And if you’re a child and you see that, it’s a very high probability that you are going to mimic. Defending yourself is different.I would have understood it if she hit him and he hit her to defend himself. That’s different. But he had no scratches and marks on his face. She looked like Mike Tyson Punchout…

    Fuck women-beaters! For life!

  • Zulu1925

    @ Sha

    While I agree that an UNPROVOKED attack on a woman is the lowest of cowardly acts a man can perpetrate, by all accounts (including the police report) Rihanna started the physical portion of the altercation. The fact that she was apparently unable to draw blood when she took her free shots at his face is inconsequential. Chris Brown was defending himself from attack. Now, with that said, he DEFINITELY went too far towards playing offense, based on the photos of Rihanna’s face. But, if a person, male or female, launches a physical attack against another person, they have to be prepared that their target will defend themself.

  • Anonymous

    oh pleeze people give me a break…..all the person who hasn’t done any wrong in their life cast the first stone!! People mess up, not condoning what he did….so he made a mistake, the question is has he learned from it? We all have made some kind of mistake in life and hope that we get second chances…heck some of us get second, third, fourth, and sometime fifth chances. So lighten up…he’s a talented dude whether you agree or not!!!

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    definitely one of your most ignorant, disgusting, LCD posts.

    your jokes arent even clever on here, just base and degenerate.

  • hater

    Chris Brown got what he deserves, never let a woman take your money, no matter how crazy that bitch is, swallow your pride and keep moving, bc now shes got more money and you cant even get a video.

    f chris brown and all the niggas that fuck up their chance to make millions. i am looking at u Mr. Vick

  • Bianca

    To say that Chris Brown isnt talented is crazy. The Jackson family asked for him to preform that has to say something about his talent.Even with him being black listed in the game he still was the hottest and most talented artist in my opinion. I am a fan of Chris Brown and never stop being a fan even when the story broke.Who am i to judge? NO ONE knows the full story and we prolly never will. I dont even consider him a Women Beating. I just feel like he reacted wrong.

    • yoprince

      yea, well, here’s to hoping you still have such strong powers of rationalization when some guy makes your face look like an internal organ. good luck.

  • hater

    yo a bitch bc your still a fan of a man that beats woman…. Get some respect for yourself, damn hoe!

  • http://www.soulsummer.com Soul Summer

    Great article, though I think CB was acting for sympathy. It really is a shame we lost MJ so early. I’ve been remembering him thru the Ultimate Michael Jackson Playlist bit.ly/9TFZM0 ….just in time for summer :)

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    too blotched up. I don’t think it was an act. i mean dude can act and his career is not where it use to be BUT you don’t cry with snot shooting out your mouth like that for play play. You don’t cry and catch the hick ups for play play. dude was really crying. It was so ironic that i posted something earlier on a social network that morning about chris brown being the next mj. i mean i just had a vision. Plus, people need to get over it. the media is lynchin niccas. check this: vick gets media lynched but donte stallworth kills a man and gets picked up a few months later. Why? he’s a nobody. i mean, we can’t condone lynching because once they start they can’t stop.

    The truth will come out. Rhianna is becoming crazier by the day. it will all hit the fan soon.

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