In semi-defense of Fabolous’ little brother

I’m not saying it’s occasionally okay to record a video of yourself slapping the shit out of a woman and ordering her to apologize to Lil Bow Wow. I’m just saying. Spare me all of the crap about how a man is not supposed to hit a woman, unless she’s coming at him with a knife, and he has to putting her lights out, Suge Knight-style, to avoid getting stabbed, or he’s backed into a corner, and the only way he can leave the room, and hence defuse the situation, is to clear a path by putting a shoe on her, or whatever other BS scenarios people construct for the purpose of proving it’s sometimes alright to hit a woman.

It’s almost as if these people secretly desire to beat up a woman, er, even more so than the average man (yes, ladies, it’s true), and so they sit around and imagine scenarios in which they’d have no other choice. Just like these guys who sit around and memorize the legal age of consent, by state. Why would you even need to know some shit like that, unless there’s something wrong with you, deep down inside? Speaking of which, did you know that, even though the legal age of consent (for making love) is generally thought of as being 18, it’s actually not 18 in more places than it is. It’s only 18 in less than half of the 50 states. 22, or something like that. (I don’t remember the exact number, because it’s not like I give a shit.) In a lot of places it’s 16, and in other places it varies. But it’s 16 in more places than you’d think. In Mexico it’s only 12, though I wouldn’t want to go down there and tempt fate. They don’t seem to operate under the rule of law. You might not even make it to the court room, at which point you would of course use Google to pull up where it says what you did was perfectly legal. They might not even have Google.

I’m as firm an adherent to the rule that a man shouldn’t hit a woman as anyone (I’ve never once slapped the shit out of a woman, ever), but only because I don’t think it’s right to hit people, period. Gender doesn’t enter into it. I’ve been fortunate enough that it hasn’t really been an issue in my life. I’ve heard stories about inner city high schools that are like gladiator academies, and/or “federal pound me in the ass” prison: you have to beat the shit out of someone the first day, or else people will think you’re soft. Fistfights are just part of the milieu, along with shouting and the smell of Luster hair care products. Amazing. I even once heard some silly, older negro on This American Life talking about how life was better back when there were more fistfights, because it promoted a certain social order. If you crossed someone, you had to duke it out with them, then you’d shake hands and be done with it. Which was preferable to the current system, as depicted in any number of hood movies, where a drive-by shooting is the appropriate response to any perceived slight. It must not have occurred to him that the one system beget the other.

Um, newsflash: Physical violence as a means of conflict resolution, regardless of the gender of the combatants, is like spanking your children, in that only the least fortunate amongst us can even fathom it being okay, let alone customary. In fact, I’m sure you can even find where it says somewhere that the two of them are linked, the spanking being the source of the pattern of behavior that continues on into high school and then prison. Or pro sports. Whatever the case may be. If you find yourself constantly tempted to hit people, and ordering people to say things to your face so you’ll have an excuse to hit them, there’s a distinct possibility that you were “tampered with” in your youth, and you just don’t remember it, because you’ve blocked out the memory as a coping mechanism. You might need to develop a suspect relationship with a male shrink that culminates in a fit of teary-eyed dry humping, like in the movie Good Will Hunting.

I’d hate to be the one to break it to you. (Nullus.)

At any rate, beating someone up doesn’t prove anything other than that you’re a somewhat more capable fighter than the person you beat up. Someone bigger than you could just as easily come along and put you in your place. This, more or less, is the reason why men aren’t supposed to hit women. It’s just not a fair fight. Ladies, don’t get it twisted – pretty much any guy could beat up pretty much any woman. I don’t care if it’s Muhammad Ali’s daughter versus the guy who played McLovin. With a few pointers, he could preserve the natural order of things. But I’m not sure how fair it is that women, along with – let’s keep it real – smaller men, are granted immunity primarily on the basis of size. It’d be one thing if smaller people agreed not to provoke bigger people, if only for the purpose of self-preservation, but, as any man of a certain size who ever tried walking down a crowded sidewalk can attest, that’s just not how it works. Instead, it ends up promoting this tyranny of the small, where a woman can say and do any ol’ foul shit to a man, knowing good and well she’s not at risk of any physical harm. Which, in turn, only causes that much more violence against women, since the rule against hitting women is like the rule against snitching, in that it’s sacrosanct… except when it’s not. Anyone who’s not currently knee deep in a woman’s asshole can sit there and espouse the platitude.

In all likelihood, there’d be less violence against women, if violence against women weren’t so frowned upon. Not because women would constantly be in fear of being hit by a man (especially if they were nice people and hence didn’t have anything to worry about), but because men would have that much more respect for women. Under the current system, which I believe feminists refer to as “patriarchy,” women are considered different from men, and it’s that much easier to be violent against someone, if you don’t think of them as being the same as yourself. Racism operates under more or less the same principle. Personally, I’ve yet to put my shoe on a woman, and I probably won’t, but it’s not because I abide by some arbitrary rule about when I’m allowed to hit people, it’s because I’m progressive enough to know that sometimes you have to be the bigger man – figuratively speaking, of course, but also, more often than not, literally.

  • Smokey

    Dude i may not agree with everything you said, but that is a good way to look at it. Its wrong for a guy to hit a woman, but at the same time women need to realize that attacking a man verbally is not any better than hitting him, worse prolly too since females are smaller than men generally. A little respect both ways would do wonders.

    • Worley

      You are right on the money Smokey. You always hear women talking about the ills of verbal abuse but no one talks about the way women verbally abuse men, get their asses beat and then put on the damsel in distress routine. As Bol said, “it ends up promoting this tyranny of the small, where a woman can say and do any ol’ foul shit to a man, knowing good and well she’s not at risk of any physical harm.”

  • these posts are racist

    I see your point, and agree it is never acceptable to hit anyone, hence there are laws against this type of behavior. Indeed, the law only allows for a person to physically harm another in “self defense”, and this principle is gender neutral. That said, to deny there is a distinction between a man hitting a man, and a man hitting a woman, denies the historical context for this condemnation. Violence against women is a unique problem and needs a separate conversation. What makes the video you’re discussing, so disgusting (No Fabolous in “Im ill”), is the fact that it was a defenseless woman being attacked by a much stronger man. Would it be equally horrible and disgusting if it were a child or smaller/weaker man being abused? Yes. But why speak hypothetically? You’re doing exactly what you condemn the men in your first paragraph of doing. We have a real situation here, with a real woman being attacked by a real man…why can’t you condemn it for the reasons that most reasonably people would condemn it?

    • yoprince

      never figured bol to have signed up for a SWAG (studies in women and gender) class in college.

      TPAR is right that violence against women has to be understood in a different historical context than general violence (although BOL did touch on it somewhat).

      women have been beaten since the onset of religion as part of the lesser species doctrine that also prompts the beating of children and ‘others.’ basically male slaveholders of any society could historically hit anybody around them if need arose, including women, children, and slaves.

      in our current society, the primary victims of violence are children and women, of any race. just check the stats. the amount of violence that takes place within the home is astounding. those high incidence rates are residual of previous society’s rules. though we won’t call children and women lesser species, the beatings remain as evidence of that line of thinking.

      that’s why ‘violence against women’ has to be ‘frowned upon,’ with little room for intellectual theorizing of the bol variety. it’s a public heath/ safety concern that must be battled simply and directly, with little room for nuanced, advanced arguments that most people (including kat stacks and the degenerate who smacked her) would be too dumb to comprehend.

  • LOL

    don’t have to be able to get a women to hit one anyways.

  • Neibo

    I wonder if Fab’s gonna respond to this,just to calm things down.

  • Infamous

    I gotta say this was some real insightful shit, i never looked at this topic from this perspective.

  • fastflipper

    we all know is wrong to hit a women

    but kat the scum bag deserve way more than that

    go ask to the female who said remy ate the box and pay her to beat the shit of kat

  • sway-z

    Honestly all of this is besides the point. The REAL issue here is that a bunch of niggas slept with a industry jumpoff and then want to get mad about it when she start tripping?

    You can’t tell me they don’t know the difference between a quick nut and a drawling ass smut that’s running through the whole industry. If that’s the case then all that shit they be talking on they records about messing with all these jawns ain’t true, period. If you that fly, get a better jawn, if you that rich, buy a better bitch, why you niggas sharing hoes for anyway lol?

  • Phillmatic

    File this post under “Top 5 Bol posts of all time.”

  • sealsaa

    @TPAR

    Besides an obvious size disadvantage, I fail to see how she was defenseless, and to be blunt, she brought all of this on herself. I’m going to have to agree with Bol here in that these unwritten rules about hitting women are shrouded in moral ambiguity. Assault shouldn’t have size, gender, or race distinctions.

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    Let’s keep it real, other cultures don’t consider this a bad act. If anything the men would be dealt with for allowing it to go on. Think about that.

    The real issue here is our culture rewards broads like Kat and suppresses the women we SHOULD be upholding. We emphasize on capitalism and sexual innuendo so much that our priorities and protocol are f^X the f^Xed up. Bottom line.

    Kat Stacks getting backhanded shouldn’t be any more important than a single mom getting laid off today.

    • JarenTee

      “Kat Stacks getting backhanded shouldn’t be any more important than a single mom getting laid off today.”

      Statement of the day

    • Anonymous

      Syk,

      What up. Discussing a worse evil does not negate a lesser one. Laid off single mother does not make abusing a non threatening woman any less egregious.

      • these posts are racist

        Syk, that Anonymous comment was me, not sure why it showed up like that.

        • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

          tpar whatup?

          “Discussing a worse evil does not negate a lesser one.”

          ^ troofis

          But ya gotta read what I dropped on XXL’s blog about this to understand. There were so many wrongs in this scenario, why is this the only wrong scrutinized?

          Kumasi used his ‘gangland’ mind to express his Muslim beliefs? Emphatic hell no tight there. Shouts to cats like G Magic for still being out there, this Kat chick could’ve started a bad coastal riff between Cali & NYC (Compton & Brooklyn). Unnecessary BS.

          She’s got a whole day of press on XXL and other sites, which is what she wanted, attention. She didn’t expect her attention to be this way though. She even instigated violence and retaliation (“B^tches I keeps da ratchet”).

          Her visions of grandeur clouded her strategy. Her antics and tactics only assured her fate. She is a poster child of our failed social equality, and what we really did is literally put the proverbial battery in her back, subliminally encouraged her to do MORE, for GOSSIP, when we the smart ones knew DAMN WELL these reactions occur when you play that type of game.

          There’s a good woman out there getting slapped RIGHT NOW, even by a VERY abusive man, and nothing is done about it, heads are turned with the “it ain’t my business or my people” motto applied.

          Why do we care so much for this broad?

          It’s 14:59 right now for her, and who can’t tell this action just put an ‘open season’ sign up on that chick to get heavy industrial washed on sight?

          Let her die out.

        • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

          $yk -

          Dropping knowledge!

          We care about her the same way we care about athletes and entertainers. I know film quotes are cliche, but sometimes they’re right:

          “Mickey Mantle? That’s what you’re upset about? Mantle makes $100,000 a year. How much does your father make? If your dad ever can’t pay the rent and needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don’t care about you. Why care about him?”

        • these posts are racist

          I feel you Syk (no homophobe). My only concern is the lack of ability to separate issues here. Violence against men and women is a problem. Violence against women is a unique problem that needs unique solutions, it is not as Byron puts forth, the same as all violence which is not committed in an act of self defense. So, while I agree with everything you say, I disagree with the tone – in that it takes all those truths you discuss and, as I read it, “justifies” her getting smacked. It doesn’t. She can be all those bad things you say she is, and we can still unequivocally condemn what happened to her, without reservation, hesitation or “but”…

        • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

          @ tpar

          ““justifies” her getting smacked.”

          ^ Thus the reason I left out that statement.

  • sealsaa

    @TPAR

    Besides an obvious size disadvantage, I fail to see how she was defenseless, and to be blunt, she brought all of this on herself. I’m going to have to agree with Bol here, in that these unwritten rules about hitting women are shrouded in moral ambiguity. Assault shouldn’t have size, gender, or race distinctions.

  • El Tico Loco

    She’s lucky all she got was a slap, not condoning the action, but she had it coming and unfortunately it turned out to be a stanish male weed carrier, even if it a chick and she would’ve wound up the same way she did in that video maybe worse.

  • latino heat

    Great post, Bol. i have to disagree with your point that spanking a child leads to behavior problems and jail as an adult though. like many of us on here i got my share of ass whoppins as a kid and i even admit i’ve seen my dad put his hands on my mom more then once growing up. it’s obviously not the greatest thing to grow up with psychologically but my point is this. i’m now 28, i haven’t been in a fight since 7th grade (dude dissed my family, what would you have done?) and i’ve never been to jail in my life. and the only time i’ve ever hit a women is when a bitch literally pulled a knife on me. she used to pull my hair (my hair is mad long) and really try to fight me. and even then i never just went all out on her with closed fists and all that just a quick slap and a spin move to get the fuck away from her crazy ass.

    so what i’m saying is, if people are gonna grow up and beat women and kill or whatever, it has nothing to do with an occasional ass whoppin from mom or dad. i should be way worse off then i am. and i say i’m doing pretty well for myself with all things considered. a slap from mom now and then dosen’t hurt. i can’t stand watching people dragging their kids on the floor at the mall cause they can’t have their way. give them a slap real quick and keep it moving. it won’t be the end of the world, trust me. all these doctors and therapists etc. have the world way too sensitive these days.

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    cosgin $yk and El tico loco. She is lucky that she didn’t get more. Plus, our society is warped. Who attempts to get famous by f’n people than talkin about it? Usualy high paid whores. She ain’t even that. I’m not saying pimpin is right, but her pimp should read the handbook to her again. as for domestic violence, it does go both ways. I’ve seen plenty of women in a court room for hitting a man. The law is tainted because a girl, in most cases can litteraly get away with murder. However, katt stacks got what she deserved.

  • BossGame

    Seems like she would (By the logic of some) be just as justified if she walked up on this guy and blew his head off if she were so inclined. I don’t agree with the way she carries herself at all, but I think when you put your hands on someone you just gave them a license to ill. Great post Bol! One of the best I’ve seen from you

  • BossGame

    Also, for the record I suspect this is far from over and I believe it’s gonna end in tragedy. Just a srongly as some cats (no Stacks)feel a brother is authorize to put his Max Julien down on a bytch, others feel just as strongly about a male striking a woman. Very polarizing issue, up there with abortion and gay rights.

  • UncleTom

    Cosign good one.

  • BIGNAT

    good point bol i think the same way. they act up some even say hit me go ahead hit me and if you do you go to jail. women always ask to be treated as equals then when it’s time to throw them things. why all of a sudden they turn into fragile creatures. i have seen many women start the fight but they not ready for the guy to fight back. this one chick after hitting on the guy who is backing up from like almost a blovk. he finally decides to defend himself. then you get “i can’t believe he hit me” what the fuck you think he was going do. cops comes and even though all the women out there said she was hitting him first. he had no physical marks and her eye was closed from one sharp left. guess who went to jail the guy and when his sister heard with happened. she beat the chick like she killed her first born child

  • blackout

    I think the moral of the story is next time a bitch is talking shit and putting your whole business out there just get a another chick to go handle that so that people will go “oh she deserved it” instead of going into the whole when is it right to hit women debate. end of story.

  • geico lizard

    I agree with everything you said Bol but I dont want guys going to jail so I say dont hit women in America. America is run by women even though they complain like they have no rights. Women like Mary Winkler can shoot their husband in the back with a shotgun in front of their daughter and then unplug the phone so he cant call 911 and she is free. Women just have to cry in court and say the man yelled or hit her and the jury or judge lets her go free so she can kill some more guys without consequence.