Diversify Your Bonds

In yesterday’s post I mentioned how Diddy and Jay-Z have lately relied less on their respective rap trades (in Puff’s case, however, he wasn’t much of a rapper to begin with) and more on their business acumen. In a sense, more musicians should follow their leads, because I don’t think too many of us want to listen or plan on listening to tales about delusional crack kingpins when the words are spat out from the mouth of a 60-year-old rapster.

So why not expand on your budding empire? Most artists in hip hop can only think of simple-minded shit like being the CEO, president and/or chairman of their own doofy named label, but there’s so many more lucrative business opportunities to try to cake up from. Everybody is trying their hand at alcohol, but not too many people are actually successful at it (that’s word to the unopened bottle of Ludacris’ Conjure liquor that’s currently collecting dust in my apartment’s bar). Instead of coming out with sneakers nobody will buy or clothes nobody will wear, why not look into other endeavors? Here are a few such enterprises.

Production: And I’m not talking about stepping behind the boards; the last thing we need are more Chris Webber beats. No, I’m referring to entertainment production. Every television show, commercial, movie, play, billboard and radio advertisement we’re exposed to on a daily basis requires some kind of company to produce it. Why can’t it be from a rapper? If there’s anything to be learned from that crappy Kia x Black Sheep commercial that aired during the game last night, it’s that the entertainment production industry will always be in need of some good old-fashioned hip hop nignorance to bank off of.

Low-End Clothing Line: What do Roc-A-Wear, Sean John and Akoo have in common? Aside from being garish and oversized (can someone tell these guys that a size M shouldn’t fit like a size XL?), they’re also expensive as shit. Why not come out with some affordable articles of clothing… wait, on second thought, scratch this idea. Fat Joe’s done it with those ugly, fake Yeezys, and LL Cool J tried his hand at making Sears-brand Affliction clothing. No thanks.

Dry Cleaners:: We all need clean clothes. That’s one of the most basic elements of survival. Rather than pushing off gear that will eventually line the walls of your closest Burlington Coat Factory, rapsters should invest in opening up businesses that clean those clothes instead.

Parking Lot: This is by far the easiest and perhaps most inexpensive business plan of all time that I don’t think a lot of people are up on. It’s simple to operate, simple to manage and best of all rapsters are sure to have a spare piff pocketer to work the thing.

Sex: Sex is recession-proof; that’s word to the multi-billion dollar pornography industry. Instead of sleeping around with the many groupies that invade their private space (then having to hire some thugs to smack them out of bounds every now and then), why not get these schmags to fuck on camera? Not only could they profit from this, it would also render women like Kat Stacks useless. I’m just saying.

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  • tom

    i usually dont criticize, but this was an especially stupid/pointless article.

  • these posts are racist

    Silly Post. Very Silly. You try to come off serious, then add non funny jokes – so are you being serious, or not? Also, I don’t think you fully understand the “business models” these rappers are engaged in. They rarely create or run a “business”…they license their name and likeness…other companies simply use them as tools in their marketing campaigns.

    Most of these rappers have never run a business.

  • Worley

    Actually, this article makes a lot of sense. Most of these rap “labels” are no more than production deals. Trust me, the “CEO” of Get Money Records is already familiar with the sub-contracting of production business model.

    Parking lots are definitely a wise investment. Look into a fellow named Abe Hirschfeld. Dude made serious cake off parking lots alone. The worst that can happen is you sell the land to a developer. Know and believe that if you have even moderate success with a parking lot then there is probably a strong demand for land. There is serious money to be made. But be careful. City gov’ts have been known to claim imminent domain on parking lots. You gotta time the sale just right.

    • these posts are racist

      Worley, you’re a certified clown. You don’t know the first thing about e. domain or land value/running a parking lot. As such, I can’t have a meaningful convo with you…

      • Worley

        Who the f*ck said I wanted to talk to you n!gga?

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    You’re a funny dude Meka.

    1. Production/Ghostwriting-Refer to the Kia Shine/Drake incident. You could get 25% publishing on a major hit record w/o the paparazzi following you.

    2. Distribution-(i.e. CD Baby). All these cats talk about how they touch millions but NONE own any forms of music distribution.

    3. Franchises-(i.e. supermarkets). We all need to eat before we need another MP3. If you dig into the structured business of a supermarket you will realize it’s quite similar to music. Lifetime investment for you & the hood.

    Co-sign the parking lot though. But no more colognes & clothing lines rapper dudes. PLEEEZE!

  • Moving Sideways

    Co-sign that last one. I’m surprised some of these “business men” haven’t figured out what Joe Francis figured out years ago. Girls, especially girls that are willing to get their nether regions roughed up by a small army battalion because one of them can say rhyming words on rhythm, are willing to let you do anything else to them. So a) put that shit on camera and b) charge people to see it.

  • Jadajada

    “Everybody tell you how to do it, they never did it.” – Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter, ‘Already Home’

    Just saying.

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  • Don’t worry about it

    Meka- Shut up.
    Thanks.

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  • donald

    this is boring..
    write about a good topic

  • http://www.xxlmag.com relative

    this is a terrible attempt at journalism. f*ck off stupid dummys

  • ff1one@yahoo.com

    nah, this is a good post. id like to see a rapper/baller do something media wise be it news channel, radio, or magazine. We need a better balance of what is really going on. Besides that, its so many other great buisness ideas besides the usual.

    • Notorious AGC

      yo, you HONESTLY think that a rapper/baller is going to give us a balance of what REALLY is going on in the world if he gets his own channel/media?, Man first thing hes gonna do is make some bikini contest,lame comedian,fake ass 106th n park,show XFL type BULLSHIT, they wouldn´t even have the PULL to tell us the JIST of something relevant like the economy, i can just picture it…. ¨BABY here,BRRR!, i can see people be poor..but, you know, i got money, got my own channel, buy my cd!¨..the only people i see in that position would be JAY or Puff, and honestly theyre not saavy on what people want to watch on TV, we cant watch a WHOLE hour of The diddy dance show.

      PS- homie, i dont know if you do it in purpose or not, but….the email goes UNDER the NAME….

  • PissPoorPediatrist

    I take it Meka is caked up and has his money making money for him……………………………. Pardon me laughing at my own sarcasm……………………… This broke ass nigga JUST made it off of HHDX, JUST got 2DBz some shine and now he’s telling these wack ass drop-outs how to get money? Nigga why don’t you go get your pirate on, back in your home dust bowl and leave the deep thinking to the hustlers? No one is looking to you for answers to their money woes, my dude. Pull out a chair and have a seat, before you get seen for one of your future posts, that will undoubtedly piss off the wrong sambo…

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  • http://www.hiphopmanga.com Plain Rap Medski

    Open a liquor store and hire some Koreans to run it. Guaranteed paper and you won’t ever go out of business.

    No matter how the economy looks- people will always need booze, lotto tickets, and cancer sticks/blunt wraps.

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  • Notorious AGC

    Rather pointless article..better get your game up before you end up like that one chick you got the job from.