Oh noes, a woman with her shirt off!!!

Not to let you in on more than you need to know about Jimmy Valentime, the New York MC who sorta kinda resembles the late TV writer/blogger David Mills, and sorta kinda sounds like an intellectual Wesley Willis, but I happen to know for a fact that he’s obsessed with both cans and hating on Drake. Over the years, he’s been the source of many of my posts on Drake – especially the ones having to do with the new Degrassi Jr. High, which I’m not as familiar with, though the few episodes I’ve seen have been compelling as shit. (Not even a joke.) He also put together a song/video tribute to the legendary Winter Pierzina, perhaps the most beautiful woman of our time, which is the kind of shit I would do, if I had the tools + talent. I’m not gonna lie – I’ve gone back and rewatched it a few times, “for my own personal amusement.”

So, I was hardly surprised to see that he emailed me a link to the video of Drake shrieking in fear at the sight of a woman’s cans at one of his shows. I saw that shit on Sandra Rose, when I rolled off the couch a couple of hours ago, exhausted as shit from having not done anything yesterday (does that ever happen to anyone else?), and I was like, I’m surprised Jimmy Valentime isn’t all over this. Its got his (and admittedly my) two favorite things ever: Drake humor and cans. Then I checked my email, and, lo and behold, Valentime was on his job. It was only then that I actually went back and watched the video. When I saw Sandra Rose had posted it, I thought it may have just been a matter of Drake looking kinda gay. Which is hardly a surprise to yours truly. (Nullus.) While Sandra Rose deserves all the credit in the world for having such a keen eye for DL brothers, sometimes she posts things that hardly constitute a smoking gun. They could just be pictures where rappers look kinda gay. Which happens. I know one time I had to check a woman at one of these high school portrait studios for trying to get me to pose like a fruit. She coulda had me out here looking like Kobe Bryant.

The video of Drake recoiling at the site of a flasher really is some of the funnier shit I’ve ever seen on the Internets. He doesn’t just look surprised, he completely loses his blaccent, shouts, “Oh my g-d!” and takes off running in the opposite direction. I’ve seen more subtle reactions to the 2 girls 1 cup video. Whereas the appropriate reaction would have been to stand there and stare for as long as possible (flashing obviously constitutes consent), possibly stopping the show and shouting something like, “Bitches, show us your titties!” Ben Roethlisberger-style. Who knows? He could have started a chain reaction of broads pulling up their shirts. The crowd looked mad white, and I saw enough hair metal videos back when I was in grade school to know that white chicks love flashing their cans at concerts. Anything other than run in the opposite direction. And what was with him shouting oh my god? Do black people even say oh my god? I really am asking, because my grasp on black vernacular English isn’t the strongest. But oh my god sounds like some shit Stephen Malkmus would say. I’m pretty sure aww hell naw would have been the preferred expression in that instance. Both the fact that Drake instead shouted oh my god and the way he said it are all the proof I need that Drake’s entire persona, especially the ultra-exaggerated blaccent, is an act.

But I’m actually more concerned that Drake doesn’t really share my/most straight dudes’ obsession with cans, when I thought for certain that he was. “Best I Ever Had” was the kind of rap video I would make, if for some reason I was making a rap video, and I actually had the budget for something more than a slideshow of some of the better pictures of Winter Pierzina. But that must have been Kanye’s idea. It may have even been someone at the label trying to make Drake look straight. It’s not like labels normally just sign off on videos like that. Otherwise, that’s what all videos would look, even a surprising percentage of videos by women. I suppose I should have known something was up when Drake tried to cop a plea about the video: he wasn’t concerned with offending any dark butts (as if dark butts could watch a rap video and not feel inferior), he was genuinely disturbed by how the video turned out. Let me guess – that’s why it’s so hard to see the girl in the background of the “Over” video.

  • ally1

    1st. Bol you lazy Bastard Tell me something new we all know that dude drizzy is gay. You know your shit is the only shit worth reading so try getting your fat ass up in the morning to post sum shit I almost had to read charlamgne’s article lol aint that a female name?

  • jp

    “Do black people even say oh my god?” Only Drake and Usher when they see tits.

  • cmoney91

    “I know one time I had to check a woman at one of these high school portrait studios for trying to get me to pose like a fruit. She coulda had me out here looking like Kobe Bryant.” hahaha Bol you a fool!

  • fastflipper

    “Bitches, show us your titties!” Ben Roethlisberger-style

    lmao & rofl at the same time

    yeah me too i wa slike …why he react like that ???

    normally artists are like SHOOOOOOOW ME

    but gay ass drake was shock….smh

    Good post Bol

  • Worley

    Sandra Rose is one bitter critter. But you gotta give her an A for effort. Diddy sued her earlier this week for calling him out and she’s back at it exposing Drake, which might be well deserved. At 1:06 this n!gga said “Lil Wayne showed me that. That’s the bedrock.” Exactly how did Lil Wayne show you how to hit something from the back? Matter of fact: I don’t want to know.

  • http://www.mikestreezy.com Mike Streezy

    lol! Wowzers! Definitely @ the I dont want to know!

  • Hoh Oho

    Good pot. Enjoyed the Kobe and Rothlisberger references.

  • west

    cut it out. dude had the presence of mind to say oh my god in between rappin his lyrics and performing which was like giving attention to her “cans” instead of ignoring her which would constitute what youre saying in this article. if you want to talk about something gay talk about that picture with dude’s head in some other dudes lap.

  • chase_kush

    yo how bout how at the end he says…this where lil wayne does this…starts dry humping the air…and say lil wayne showed me that lmao

  • El Tico Loco

    All I can say is, it’s all in the wrist. I see his stans are about to have their gangstalicious moment.

  • http://www.bboycult.com $yk

    “At 1:06 this n!gga said “Lil Wayne showed me that. That’s the bedrock.” Exactly how did Lil Wayne show you how to hit something from the back? Matter of fact: I don’t want to know.”

    ^ LOLZ

    Did he sing ‘Best I Ever Had’ after that?

  • q.b.

    dont matter what you drake stans say or think,, them cans scared the hell outta that boy!!

  • beaver

    hahaha “Oh My God”
    i was about to say the same shit bout the wayne thing..
    haha kidd is gayy..
    he was tryin to make up that gay remark*omg*..with some dryhumping wayne taught him? hahaha

  • http://j-mace.deviantart.com Shawty J

    Bol, your blogs are good for laughs, but you’re the kinda nigga I could never take their word for.

    I just watched the video, Drake’s reaction was brief, and I didn’t exactly see a look of horror in his face. He simply exclaimed “Oh My God” and kept rapping.

  • El Tico Loco

    If he reacted that way to one set of cans, he probably was traumatized after shooting the “Best I ever had” video (memories of mamaries). I ain’t mad more titties for me.

  • http://EveWa.com Killa K

    I like dudes music he can actually spit,(yeah I said it) but man this cat do be doing some gay ass shit half the damn time. Erybody cant be gangsta but come on this nigga yelped and darted cross the stage. OMG really, R.I.P. to Guru but with all the hoopla going on bout him(Fuck Solar)It looks like he was on the low(a lil bit)But if he is homo does that make him any less talented. I like good music, I could give a fuck bout the personal life of the cat that made it. ?If you would cop his album if you thought he was straight would you not cop it if you knew he was a homo “What you eat dont make me shit” No homo

    • El Tico Loco

      Drake can spit but his music is gay, his whole style is gay like I said in my previous comment is all in the wrist (and my girl’s opinion). Bet no barbershops are playing Drake (too many niggas) but you might hear old Gangstarr on, and if Guru was alive after the allegations nobody would fuck with him either and if they did he probably would get the Luther Vandross treatment on the strenght of his work. This cat (Drake) has been transparent from jump not to mention hasn’t proved anything but people that see thru him are dismissed as haters.

  • Eddie

    DRAKE IS A FLAKE!

  • Nicki

    Maybe he said OMG cuz he’s from Canada?

    • Hussle’s Way

      Dont get it twisted shorty!
      Niggas in Canada…we dont yell OMG when we see titties. We ask to see more..
      Drizzy was scared thats it LOL

      • Anonymous

        FYI, I live in Toronto. I think he said OMG cuz he was suprised, he probably likes tatas as much as any other guy. Geez, give it a rest with the gay rumours people.

      • Nicki

        FYI, I live in Toronto. I think he said OMG cuz he was suprised, he probably likes tatas as much as any other guy. Geez, give it a rest with the gay rumours people.

      • Nicki

        FYI, I live in Toronto. I think he said OMG cuz he was suprised, he probably likes tatas as much as any other guy. Geez, give it a rest with the gay rumours people.

      • Nicki

        FYI, I live in Toronto and I’ve heard plenty of TO niggas say OMG.

        I think he said OMG cuz he was suprised, he probably likes tatas as much as any other guy. Geez, give it a rest with the gay rumours people.

  • nicholasdelorejo

    Y’all guys got it twisted. I actually think that what Drake did act this scenario was the best thing to do. You guys forget that Drake is not trying to appeal to straight hip-hop heads or even straight men. He’s trying to appeal to women, gay or those sensitive die-hard smooth jazz, R&B dudes. Anyone else are not even on Drakes radar. But this is really Drake just protecting the safe, friendly negro rapper image that was created from Kanye’s “College Dropout” and is being used by B.o.B., Jay-z and Cudi now. If this was 10 years ago, Drake would have

    invited all of the chicks on stage and line them side by side so that he could run his face across their tits. But that wouldn’t make Drake a seem like a sweet, sincere, and appropriate black male bachelor. Drake might be gay but dude knows how to handle a situation that may harm his image to his consumer base. If “Thank Me Later” goes platinum by this years end prepared for more psudo- gay rappers like drake to appear and deny letting a full audience of women to blow them on TV simply because that’s something a gangster rapper would do. Not a platimun selling artist.

    • what

      XXL is bogarting my posts, but if your analysis is right, what’s up with the “Best I Ever Had” video? Shouldn’t it have been just one beezy with average features? You sure that’s really what’s going on?

      • nicholasdelorejo

        Yeah man I do. I think Drake realized the “Best I ever Had” video was a mistake and he needed to alter his video presence a bit. That’s why Drake had that lonesome, fully clothed chick on “Over” as the main actress and had the short hair chick in underwear in the background. The main featured chick was to present Drake as a faithful lover who was broke off with her chick in respectable terms making him appear as a nice guy. The backgorund chick was used as sex appeal to defend himself against those (probably dudes) that would criticize him as being another “lady’s man” rapper like LL. That song really had nothing to do with love or relationships but Drake knew that his core consumer base were ladies so he needed to redeem himself from appearing as the stereotypical rapper who lust for hoes. I’m just saying that rappers and today’s top artists are selling due to presenting a character more so than their music.

  • Lucy

    come on you guys
    drake is a black kid
    raised by his white moms and bubby
    in suburban toronto
    lets not expect him to act like a nigga!
    point blank
    this don’t got shit to with being gay
    and if you listen to his interviews he doesn’t sound
    super hood anyway
    if he had done some super gay shit like the pic w/ his head in another mans lap
    then its all good
    but now you’re just lookin for some shit to talk about

  • http://EveWA.com Killa K

    Nah he responded to quick, he was caught off guard he kept rapping but that dude looked upset that he was forced to look at titties. Maybe he’s gay, maybe it might of been kids in there, hell you didnt actually see titties in the vid maybe she had 4 of em, But that was not a normal knee jerk reaction from a straight cat, This dude need better mgmt. he be shooting his self in the foot half the time. The Best video started that trend
    shout to Yeezy but not the best career move

  • Killa K

    Bols website got a pic of that nigga with some dude head in Drakes lap (I seent it) But we all know he aint hood he doesnt try to be which is why he’s popular, but damn he still a dude and that shit there was suspect.

  • BlackBoy

    *watches video*

    what, that’s it? man, y’all niggas….

    he’s gay cause you already think he’s gay.

    wastin’ my muhfuggin’ time wit this shit…

  • W. J. Rice

    He kind of had a child like reaction…like “OMG boobies, my mummie told me not too look.”