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Drake is the realest – ask Rick Ross

Who would have thought that hip-hop would eventually reach the point where a former child actor from a corporate spinoff of The Children of Degrassi Street would tout his street cred by citing a cosign from a fake drug dealer who used to be a cop?

The former child actor and the ex-cop I could kinda see, separate from one another. But combined like this, it’s almost too much for the brain to handle – especially on a day in which I finally got to try KFC’s epic Double Down sandwich. I joked on Twitter that I managed to down the entire thing, plus a side of potato wedges and a Diet Pepsi (which I really do drink for the taste) without stroking out or anything, but I may have spoken too soon.

That was before I read the pull quotes from the cover story of the next issue of XXL, with Drake and Nicki Minaj on the cover, presumably leaked to coincide the release of the video for “Over” – which is mad disappointing. The song is so gay, and the video is so drab that I couldn’t bring myself to watch it in its entirety. But I probably spent just as much time flipping through it, waiting for there to be tits – jumping back and forth between different points in the video, straining my one eye that still kinda works, to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

Tha fuck?

There are two girls in the video (or is that just one, in different outfits? I couldn’t be bothered to look at her face), and it looks like they may have been cast to look like Jay-Z and Kanye’s… erm, women, Beyonce and Amber Rose. One of them’s got that short blonde afro, which is always more tolerable than it is genuinely desirable on a woman, regardless of who it is; and one of them’s light skinted but not that light skinted (god forbid she spent an afternoon outdoors), with the world’s most obvious weave, despite the resources at hand. I wonder if this was by design, to associate Drake with Jay-Z and Kanye West, in the minds of people easily swayed by music videos. In 2010.

If he wanted to make a video people actually like, he could have just cast a gang of women with proportionally huge, jiggly cans and had them run up and down stairs for no apparent reason, like he did in the video for “Best I Ever Had,” which had me kinda liking Drake, before he gave me so many reasons not to. Even if Kanye was too busy out in Hawaii crafting what sounds like a Peter Schilling-style unofficial, unsolicited sequel to Illmatic, minus the really good rapping (didn’t Non Phixion already try that a long time ago?), Drake probably could have pulled it off himself. He’s already got a lifetime of experience in film production. I could have assisted him with the casting, if he didn’t have the name of the agency where they found Shakur.

Not only is the video for “Over” completely unfapworthy, but seeing him make so many angry faces, like someone kicked his wheelchair, only serves to highlight how angry this song is, for no apparent reason. Who are these people that he didn’t know last year, and why is he so upset to see them? Is is because there’s too many black people, and that makes him nervous? As a fellow black man of questionable origin, I can certainly relate to this sentiment, but I’m not so sure there needs to be a song about. You get the idea that he needed to come up with a song that was very angry-sounding, the better to present himself to the world as a badass, and that was the best he could come up with, short of pretending to be an actual thug, which might not have gone over as well.

He’s obviously walking a very thin line between trying to rap like someone who might actually know from hardship and not drawing too much attention to the fact that he used to be on the Noggin Network. In that sense, mentioning Rick Ross in a litany of rappers who are known to have actually committed crimes (Young Jeezy, Turk, C-Murder), may have been on purpose. The idea may have been to make himself look that much more like a badass by making the rest of those guys seem less badass, by grouping them in with someone who’s such a phony. Think about it: He seems too sober and intelligent to not be aware that Rick Ross doesn’t belong anywhere on that list, and the TIs wouldn’t have leaked that quote on the same day as this new video, if they didn’t think it was in his best interest.

Drake just better hope that Rick Ross doesn’t look up from his trough of crab meats long enough to realize how Drake sorta kinda played him. Being an ex-cop is one thing, but being the guy who played Wheelchair Jimmy is something else altogether. Rawse might view this as the one battle he could actually win on principle. And you know he’s not too big on white people anyway.

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