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Why does Drake curse so much?

I’m concerned with how gay this new Drake song is, not because I’m a fan of his music and I had high hopes for the album, but because I figure I’m gonna have to hear it ad nauseum all summer anyway..

2010 already seemed set to be Drake’s year, before Lil Wayne got sent to meet Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson, but Lil Wayne getting tossed in the pokey (no Boutros) only serves to highlight the fact that Drake is like a more socially acceptable Lil Wayne. His rhyme style is like the Pat Boone to Lil Wayne’s Little Richard (nullus?), and the TIs don’t have to worry about him accidentally blowing his load on one of his weed carriers’ guns.

Does Drake even have weed carriers? I know technically he’s one of Lil Wayne’s weed carriers, but it’s a little known fact that weed carriers often have weed carriers of their own – especially if the bag’s actual proprietor is a very successful artist. The weed carrying can go three or four levels deep. For example, Memphis Bleek actually had his own weed carrier. Emphasis on had. I read on MTV News the other day that the guy got killed, possibly on the way to get Jay-Z a blossoming onion from Outback Steakhouse. I wonder if the weed is okay.

The fact that Drake’s music sounds like a pale variation on Lil Wayne’s music might seem like a bad thing, but I won’t be convinced that it definitely is until the actual album came out and it’s not just as successful as everything else he’s done up until this point. Lest we forget, Drake put out an album last year that was essentially his free, half a year-plus old mixtape, with a few songs taken off of it, and it sold about as well as any other rap album released last year. I’m pretty sure it didn’t even have the video for “Best I Ever Had” on it, or else I’d own a copy.

That must have been devastating news for the Clipse, who once tried putting out a shittier, commercial version of one of their mixtapes – I guess to prove that what people were saying about them cherry picking beats for their We Got It 4 Cheap series was true. I’m not even sure if it cracked the four-figures mark. Ras Kass probably made more money soliciting for donations via PayPal.

It’s not like the target market for a Drake album are real connoisseurs of rap music. They might like Drake more than they like Lil Wayne anyway. It seems like this current run of fruity to the point of being suspect Young Money singles have gotten more burn at commercial radio than pretty much any actual Lil Wayne song, other than “A Milli.” Plus, Lil Wayne is starting to disappear up his own asshole. It was one thing back when he started to compare himself to human excrement in every verse he ever kicked, similar to 2Pac riding on his ene-meez. White people on the Internets could pretend that was clever. But even white people on the Internets didn’t bother trying to make a case for Rebirth. This probably wouldn’t be Lil Wayne’s summer, even if he weren’t spending it eating shit on a shingle and sharing a shower with other guys.

Just now, I checked out this new Drake song, in this site’s Bangers section. I figured maybe it could be something to write about, plus I was genuinely somewhat interested to see what it sounded like. I’m not sure if there’s gonna be a video for that song “Over,” or if they’re just gonna let that Sprite commercial serve as the video, similar to how that Chris Brown song in which he mentioned Doublemint Gum was both the song and the commercial. (I’m thinking about chewing.) At any rate, that song doesn’t seem to lend itself to a video in which my boo Shakur could make a return, jiggly appearance. When I saw that this new song features The-Dream, I thought it might be along the lines of that song Snoop Dogg did with The-Dream – which, I’m not gonna lie, I actually kinda like. Sometimes video hoes make me like a song I would never listen to otherwise. What can I say? That’s the kind of shit that happens when the white man won’t allow you to do anything worthwhile with your life.

Which brings me back to Drake. This new song of his isn’t anything like that Snoop Dogg song, but it is like every other Drake song I’ve ever heard, in that it’s so pointlessly, gratuitously vulgar. Not that I give a shit – I spend a lot of the time I don’t spend listening to rap watching pr0n. I’m just saying. Why does the chorus to every Drake song involve him singing a buncha curse words? Did someone at the label put him up to that, in order to distance him from Wheelchair Jimmy character he played on Degrassi Jr. High, or whatever the version he was on was called? I think we all know he’s not singing anything like that, when he’s trading bars with his grandma – the one who spit a hot 16 on an episode of MTV Cribs. Obviously, Drake’s plan is to make like Ludacris and go after that lucrative hoodrat dollar, and all of the extra cursing is just a nod to people who actually like rap music. Well, here’s a message to Drake: If you want to impress me, you can save the cursing. My grandma actually did curse. She also loved to use the dreaded n-word, but only in reference to black people she didn’t like, which goes against what you usually hear about how black people use the dreaded n-word, but that’s neither here nor there. What I want to see is another video filled with images of ridonkulously well-endowed women in low-cut tops running up and down stairs, for no apparent reason.

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