When keeping it real goes wrong

“What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.” — John Mayer, in an interview with Playboy

It’s funny he should say that, because John Mayer’s struggle is similar to one black dude’s: this black dude’s. John Mayer, apparently, is like what I’d be like, if I were a good-looking, famous musician, rather than a bad-looking guy who (barely) gets paid to discuss his sexual proclivities on the Internets, for a rap magazine

Take for example the following segment, in which he’s says what I’ve been saying about Internets pr0n.

PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.

See, if I said it, people would think that’s just because I couldn’t find a woman to have sex with if I wanted to. Which is only true in the sense that it’s not false. But John Mayer has made sweet, passionate love to the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson, and even he realizes that Internets pr0n > ___. Granted, neither of them is anywhere near the top of my list of famous white women I’d like to have sex with, which is an actual list, but I’d be willing to be that some of the civilian stank he’s gotten is way hotter than either of them. Not that I’d kick either of them out of my bed for crackers.

But never mind the pr0n stuff, even though it was mad fascinating to me. (One of these days, John Mayer, ?uestlove and I should get together and compare external hard drives. No homo.) The Internets, especially Twitter, is more concerned with what he said about his dreaded n-word pass, and his peen.

Namely, the following exchange.

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

John Mayer must have been smoking that same shit he was smoking when he wrote “Your Body Is a Wonderland” (which takes on a whole new meaning, given what we know about how he spends his free time). Not that I necessarily disagree with anything he said, but come on. The dreaded n-word?

He must have felt like it was okay for him to go there, both because he’s friends with a lot of rappers and because he was actually dismissing the notion of a hood pass, i.e. the idea that a white man can become an honorary black person just because he writes the kind of songs that appeal to black people who don’t have a proper frame of reference with regard to black music. It was like when Don Imus tried to mock light skinted black people for thinking they’re superior to dark skinted black people, with bad hair – what he said was actually somewhat progressive, if you think about it.

I’m not even mad at him.

But like Don Imus, John Mayer tripped in publicly admitting that he’s just not that into black women. If all he did was drop an n-bomb, would this be the talk of Black People Twitter? You know he moonlights as a standup comic, and white standup comics are allowed to drop the occasional n-bomb, as long as it’s not to berate someone in the audience. But John Mayer must not have gotten the memo about pretending to want to fuck black women, even if you don’t. When the guy from Playboy asked him that shit about whether or not black women throw themselves at him, he should have somehow turned it into a discussion of how attractive Michelle Obama is. He should have been like, “No, black women don’t usually throw themselves at me, but I wish they would. Because the black woman is a queen, who deserves to be treated with respect and adoration. That’s why I’m always kicking it with ?uestlove, in hopes of catching some pussy shrapnel.” As if.

  • Curtis75Black

    You’re definitely on your game. Do you think if he happened to be delivering that interview to XXL would those thoughts have come out though ? Probably not, regardless of who he was cool with in the Hip Hop circle. Would the interviewer go there with those questions ? Maybe not since we know how these interviews go down around here. With Playboy he was able to speak his mind without being scared of backlash.

  • DV8

    Interesting…..

    Sidenote: He grew up and is best friends with tennis player James Blake (wonder what he thinks of JM’s comment about having a “nigger pass”.

    BTW John Mayer’s “nigger pass” expired after Chappelles Show wrapped. How long ago was that anyway like 5-6 years ago?

    • yoprince

      his point was that he never had one… and never really could, nor could anyone who looks like him b/c they can’t even use the word nigga(er)… instead they cop out and say “hood” pass, as if white people don’t live in the hood… or better yet as if there’s a “trailer park” pass equivalent..

      people get this, right?

      except most black people are only going to read far enough into this to see the word “nigger” spelled out with “John Mayer:” in front of it.. and outrage will ensue.

      lol @ “Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock.” i’ve always thought JM looked funnier than he desired to be but that was classic.

      • DV8

        hmmm….i guess that makes some sense.

        *goes back and reads JM comments again*

        Your absolutely right. He was actually making a valid point. I just saw the use of the N word and got a lil ticked.

        *Googles Benetton and David Duke*

        Now it makes since. I remember David Duke know never heard of Benetton but I gather they are big on cultural diversity. Dude is kinda funny.

  • latino heat

    i think Mayer just revoked his own hood pass. the real question is, will white America actually care that he made these statements?

    • DV8

      the answer to your question is no. If Playboy thought it would be a problem and cause them damage then they wouldnt have released the interview. And Playboy is as “White America” (or just America depending on how you see it) as Apple Pie and baseball. I wouldnt be suprised it John Mayer has a spike of record sales because of this.

      We can probably count on 1 hand (and still have a finger or two left over) the times a black model/ sex symbol has been on the cover of Playboy so there you have it.

  • Yonder

    White America will probably get all semantic on it, like “are you sure he ended it with the e.r., cause if he ended it with the a., then that’s not really so gosh-darn bad, is it?”

  • eesco

    ****Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” ****

    LMAO!!!!!

  • General

    Bol, your the only thing keepin this site goin at this point…

    This blog was on point. John Mayer has been in the spotlight long enough to know that not every thought that passes through your head should be verbalized

  • NotoriousAGC

    i always wondered how sex would be with a black woman, i am highly attracted to big bootay(not that fat ass bootay there is a diffrence)…(sigh) i dont think it’ll happen…they don’t like latinos

    • ri067953

      Yo, I have dated nothing but black chicks and I am Mexican. So, anything is possible homie!!!

      • notoriousAGC

        wus good!, im Mexican too, but check it, ALLLL my ex´s are puerto rican, 1 white ex(her fam was like the niggers from dave chappelles the nigger family) so that didnt last long…and i had 3 crushes on black females they was fineeeee but no luck wit em…lol..but thank god i aint asian they got a BADDDDDDDD REPPPPPPP

    • yoprince

      lol. yes they do. black women are always trying to secure “good hair” for their daughters.

      although i’m unsure you’re in it for that.

      sex with black chicks is cool as long as they’re not like episcopalian, or pentecostal, or baptist.. or at least not seriously so, unless they’re preacher’s daughters, then its cool still.

      oh… and sex with jamaicans (the real ones, from the island) can be odd too. they can be real finicky about oral sex and doggystyle. it can be extremely frustrating for a jamaican with a beautiful ass to not let you poke from the back because she thinks that’s ‘batty boy’ stuff. wackness.

      • NotoriousAGC

        LOL @ picturing crazy accents between latinos havin sex with jamaican women.
        (i got no accent btw born n bred in USA)

    • El Tico Loco

      I always seem to wind up with a black chick (ask my exes) but then again I they don’t know til the hat comes off or I answer a phone call from moms in front them which are usually in Spanish.

  • http://www.bboycult.com The $ykotic Don Mac

    LOL @ XXL not wanting me to comment on the Drake blog.

    I read this Mayer/Playboy interview. He never had a stamp to represent away so why should I care what he’s thinking?

    Anyway I have a blog up about 360 deals, some good links in that blog’s comment section for the people…Drake should have borrowed 2 mil from the bank instead of the labels if he really wanted to be successful…

  • BEEZIE!

    So if you put Kanye’s name in the place of John Mayer….

    Replace “nigger” with “honky” or “cracker” or “cracker-ass honky”…

    Replace Kerry Washington (gorgeous btw) with, say, Scarlett Johannsen…

    And have him say what it means to be a White person in White America…

    Would white folks give a shit then???

    • Clark

      Prolly not, there is no white equivilent to the N word.

      Im sure some white folks would be offended, just like some black folks are offended by this.

      It on an individual level, it’s not about white or black.

      Although I have enough sense not to use the word in public, i think the idea of having a word that only one specific race is “allowed” to say is a racist idea in itself.

      If people stopped being outraged over the word, then a true racist would never be able to use it in a hurtfull way again.

  • sealsaa

    *Golf clap for the last paragraph about the unfortunate need to feign appreciation for black women* Sad but true.

  • Church

    This post is POINTLESS

    John Mayer is already heralded as one of this generations most magnanimous douchebags.

    Every one of you that posted conjecture on whether or not he should or should not have said it are doing nothing.

    He’s famous…this is America

    He can do whatever the hell he wants…truth

  • Anonymous

    john mayer = douche of the decade
    bill o reilly = duoche of the century

  • DV8

    after gaining some understanding on what JM said (scroll up). I get what he was trying to say but it was probably best if he didnt say that due to the ultra-sensitivity to the word.

  • Vladimir

    john mayer is the Benny Goodman of todays music. I real honky that has a soft spot for the negro song. “they are a musical people arent they”—Mortermer

  • BIGNAT

    john mayer just makes good music why would they even ask him questions like that. good post by the way bol you keeping the lights on over here

  • Enlightened

    Do white women throw themselves at him?

    “I don’t think I open myself up to it”

    TRANSLATION: “HELL NAW!”

    Reason: Black women don’t know who the fuck he is. He’s not that known. He needs to get off his own dick.

    JOHN, if you can read this, Black people don’t know you. Yes Common, Kanye, and Jay-Z might love you, but the majority of Black people never heard your name.

  • dipher

    damn so if you never went black, then theres no going back? wait a minute..

  • Anonymous

    “One of these days, John Mayer, ?uestlove and I should get together and compare external hard drives. No homo”…dude you know this was a land mine…lol

  • foolio_iglesias

    Ain’t nothing gonna change for Oscar ‘My baloney has a first name’ Mayer.It’s a known fact that many females prefer to date douches,they’re just more interesting.What he said is a testament to his convictions,and I almost respect that level of douchebaggery…

  • geico lizard

    Black women will still throw the coochie at John Mayer. Black women only care when black men disrespect them. Black women will look at that interview and say,”John said Kerry Washington would break your heart when she acts slutty like a white girl so that means he is saying black women are loyal,faithful nubian Queens.”
    White guys get a pass all day from black women. Black women dont feel beautiful until white dude says it. Halle Berry was always that black girl white guys would crossover for now Beyonce is on that list. Mike Greenberg and John Mayer can get some black pussy in the middle of black history month with no problem.

    • http://www.emcdl.com EmCDL

      Co-sign this

      You can tell a black woman all day how beautiful she is but she’ll never beleive you. She will always have that thought in the back of her head about how a black guy will leave her with 2-3 kids instead…SMH…

  • avenger xl

    Who cares what John Mayer thinks? Was a typical american celebrity stunt rather than answer the question safely like even a true racist would. He decided to spark a little discussion which he has and even though it will give dbags a mantra to quote while spouting racilm slurs in the future, I can honestly would have not been so crazy in say Time magazine. Sadly enough Geico Lizard is right he could have said this in front of a black woman coalition and still get laid. while reggie bush is hated for hitting kim who has you guessed it black girl features and is a dime. c’mon son

    • avenger xl

      Sorry for the typos folks venger need sleepy time now LOL

      Who cares what John Mayer thinks? This was a typical american celebrity stunt rather than answer the question safely like even a true racist would. He decided to spark a little discussion, which he has and even though it will give dbags a mantra to quote while spouting racial slurs in the future, I can’t honestly believe he would not have been so crazy in say Time magazine. Sadly enough Geico Lizard is right he could have said this in front of a black woman coalition and still get laid. while reggie bush is hated for hitting kim who has you guessed it black girl features and is a dime. c’mon son

  • DB

    For all your obsession with white girls have you ever actually phucked one?You sound way too thirsty for them, to have done(regularly),just wonderin..

    ‘If all he did was drop an n-bomb, would this be the talk of Black People Twitter?’- um yes,yes it would,Miley Cyrus does one slanty eyes photo and people are trying to sue her on it and get apologies.Race always makes headlines,it doesn’t really go any further than that,unless for you who seems to have some issues about black wimmins

  • http://myspace.com/ncprecise ncprecise

    people need to get over this… no one should have to walk on egg shells… i’m not saying that its cool for white people to say n*gger, but cmon now, in this situation its really not that serious. (btw I jus watched Roots)

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