How Chris Brown can get his career back in order

Chris Brown is gradually bending to my point of view, it’s just that the TIs won’t allow him to. No homo.

If his label would have employed me in A&R capacity, I could have told him way back when to not bother performing at Oprah Winfrey’s rape dungeon/school for girls who don’t have iPods in South Africa. (As if there’s anywhere to charge an iPod in South Africa.) When it came time for Oprah to do Chris Brown a solid, she was nowhere to be found. She dedicated an entire show to making him out to be some sort of monster, when he told you, in that video he did with Lil Bow Wow, that he isn’t. (Don’t make him have to tell you twice.) It stands to reason that, if Oprah really gave a shit about preventing domestic violence, she’d invite Chris Brown onto her show and have Dr. Phil or somebody talk to him, but that’s the thing. Oprah is much more concerned with throwing a black man under a bus.

Similarly, Chris Brown tripped in letting the TIs delete his Twitter account. I read just now, on Sandra Rose, that GQ had the sheer balls to ask Rihanna if she really has herpes. (I’d like to see one of these rap magazines try some shit like that.) You’ll recall that, in the weeks leading up to the Rumble in the Lambo, Rihanna was pictured walking around with a nasty cold sore on her lip, as if she’d gotten the special $40 lap dance over at PT’s in Sauget, and I speculated, in a post on this site, that she may have given Chris Brown the herp, and that’s why he had to put his shoe on her. Which, technically, would have made the Rumble in the Lambo an act of retaliation. Isn’t knowingly giving someone the herp considered an assault, legally? Chris Brown could have brought that up in court and had his case tossed out. Or is that the real reason he got away with picking up trash along the highway? Which is symbolic, if you think about it.

Anyway, it occurred to me that I might ask Chris Brown, via Twitter, if those herpes rumors were true. But I couldn’t, because the TIs had Chris Brown’s Twitter account deleted this weekend. Breezy, probably concerned with projections that his new album Graffiti would only do Gucci Mane numbers, went to a Wal-Mart out in Connecticut somewhere to make sure they had it in stock. When he couldn’t find it, he went apeshit on the manager, then he wrote about it on Twitter. Having worked in places like that my entire adult life now, where my job is essentially to absorb verbal abuse from irate mouth breathers trying to steal shit, it’s a trip to think of an artist pulling some shit like that. When I used to work at K-Mart, we sold a shedload of copies of that Nelly album Suit. Imagine if Nelly, who apparently lives around the corner from there, showed up wanting to know why no one was buying sweat. My job there was basically Black Person Wrangler. A woman would stand out in the aisle and direct black people into my line, so there’d be less likelihood of an incident. Then once a day I’d have to go back to the break room and physically escort the two ign’ant black chicks who worked there back to their registers, because at some point or another they’d realized that you couldn’t get fired for taking 45 minute lunch breaks every day of the week, you just wouldn’t get a raise, and no one got a raise there anyway. As with Chris Brown on Oprah, the way those bitches treated me gives the lie to the idea that intergender abuse in the black community is typically of the man-on-woman variety.

But I digress.

Now, where was I? Ah yes, Chris Brown’s Twitter. No fishsticks. Here’s the thing: If Chris Brown didn’t vent on Twitter, didn’t give Vibe the graphic description of the Rumble in the Lambo I would have appreciated, and groveled at Oprah’s swollen, probably gout-ridden feet, and it didn’t do his album sales any good, maybe it’s time for a different approach. I don’t know if he’s read my posts, but Chris Brown must realize this himself, hence the incident at Wal-Mart. Did a Wal-Mart in motherfucking Connecticut really sell out of a Chris Brown album, or did they just tell him that to get him to vacate the premises? As perhaps America’s foremost expert on dealing with black people in a retail setting (I might write an article on it for the Harvard Business Review), I’m gonna have to suggest the latter. Chris Brown was right. Now all he needs is the courage to trust his instincts. Unless they involve beating the crap out of a woman, in which case he should probably just gorge himself on alcohol, rub one out and call it an evening. He really should holler at your boy. I’ve got a lot of good advice.

  • fastflipper

    riri is making a lot of peoples millionaire

    chris brown put his hands on the wrong girl

    if if was a wack hoe of a reality show no on would talk bout it

    Thts suck for him

    • valdez

      yo, this post is relatively useless, pretty much like all of your posts. but i have to admit bol, u really are the best at this blogging shit. that whole 1st paragraph had me dying. and pretty much every other line after that. this is a classic. the way u make otherwise uninteresting bullshit entertaining is def. a skill. keep it up.

      • valdez

        pointless, i meant to say… relatively pointless.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    RiRi responded to the Herp allegation, which, if she didn’t intend on doing it adamently, she shouldn’t have said anything @ all.

    She said it was a scratch. A red, swollen, puss-filled, “now you see it, now you don’t” scratch? Really?

    I couldn’t care less, but that’s they type shit you chuckle at & say “next question, please”. A vague, formless answer won’t deter rumors anymore than an actual, factual one. Catch 22, if you will.

    Bol, nobody ever tweeted Chris Brown about the herp? I was positive somebody hit him with a “#uknowririgaveuherpeswhen”.

    • BIGNAT

      she said it was a scar none of my scars disappear and come back. that bitch got the herp and she gave it to chris. one of his side bitches told chris she got bumps inside of her mouth. he look at riri and said bitch that shit on your lip got some shit on it’s lip. she said you ignant you know nothin tis a scar he said bitch you lying. that is how the rumble in the lambo started. she got it on her mouth he got it on his you get the point.
      “Oprah is much more concerned with throwing a black man under a bus.” oprah a hateful bitch but her show finally going end but i bet that is a lie. she going come back and do her show with gayle it’s going be a late night joint.

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        “he look at riri and said bitch that shit on your lip got some shit on it’s lip.”

        ^^Rotfle Mayo!

        & if I’m not mistaken, the same mag she says that in (GQ?), she’s posing on the cover half naked, & has some smei-nude pics inside. Oh, sweet irony.

      • valdez

        “he look at riri and said bitch that shit on your lip got some shit on it’s lip.”

        BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

        that shit is fucking CLASSIC!!!

  • http://-- gaddic

    Chris Brown is one word

    F*CKED!!!

  • http://www.twitter.com/rawshadtx RAWshad

    Now, I don’t know what happen between these two. None of us was there. But, I’m seeing that RiRi is a liar for some reason.

    Chris Brown made a wrong move hitting the wrong girl.

    Once Oprah starts talking slick about you on the television you know your career is at risk :\

    • valdez

      ^^^he shoulda never fucked wit that bitch in the 1st place, needless to say. i know some of yall gon think i’m crazy for saying this, but fuck it…

      rhianna is used by the illuminati as an industry sex slave, real talk. same way they used marilyn monroe, among countless others.

      • nicholasdelorejo

        You might be right about Rhianna being used by the illuminati. But if her albums sales continue to tank then I don’t think she’ll be useful in the future. I’ve heard that its possible that they druged Chris and made him beat riri. If that’s true then I gotta say they should have drugged riri instead because if anyone has a better outlook in a career (based on talent and entertainment quality) it was Chris over Rhianna. Seriously Rhianna’s career only took off because of the Good Girl Gone Bad” shit and that was successful based on the catchy “Umbarella” song. Chris was popular a lot longer than her.

  • sealsaa

    Like i’ve said, I don’t think that either one of them has told the whole story. He won’t because any attempt to defend himself will only cause further damage to his career(though what does he have to lose at this point?), and she won’t because she’s in the best position she could possibly be in(other than on my lap with her titties in my face). Unfortunately for him, his fanbase consist primarily of females, so who knows when this is going to die down.

    • AZ40

      Co-sign about the defending himself part, if he tries everyone will just say “oh you still hit a girl”…She even said when she read his text(which she had no business doing) she couldn’t drop the issue, so he dropped his ass…if his shit ain’t in stores ain’t that a label distribution issue he should take up wit’ his label, even if the stores ain’t orderin’ it he could’ve found out from his label, plus it’s kinda soon for him to put out an album he should’ve waited til sometime next year IMO

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        Co-sign seal & AZ

        Dude should’ve known the country wasn’t going to be too receptive to him releasing an album the same year. & fuck that privacy shit. If somebody’s going in on my behalf, expect reciprocation.

        He could’ve milked the situation; wait a while, let her do all her abused woman PR footwork, then release an album telling his side of the story, kind of like how Usher did with ‘Confessions’.

        Even if he didn’t tell the whole story then, folks would interpret, talk about it, buy the album to draw their own conclusions, etc. It’s a bad look to be screaming “victim” so quickly, while she’s cascading about like the wounded kitten who arises victorious.

  • Worley

    “I would have appreciated, and groveled at Oprah’s swollen, probably gout-ridden feet.”

    Hilarious. Yes. Ms. Sofia has walked many a mile in the white woman’s kitchen. Breezy might want to massage those feet to get himself back on track.

  • eesco

    Man Chris can b ok in the long run if he just STFU and make music. He did the right thing by apologizing because if he woulda came out and said she kicked his ass b4 and gave him the herp(Ewwww by the way) people woulda dug his red ass a grave buried him and them buried another nicca on top of him.Granted he will never b able to reach the zenith in his career that he was on track to attaining but he can still do decent enough numbers and tour to live a good life. so like i said he just need to pull a billy clint and treat business as usual.

    Oh and BOl
    “He should just gorge himself on alcohol, rub one out and call it an evening”
    F’ing classic

  • JAY STONE

    Damn i feel sorry for chris brown.
    He altually got talent compare that skinny bitch rihana.that bitch cant sing to save her life and i was surprise how enjoy breezy latest album grafiti

    • Corbin

      you feel sorry for chris brown?… you sir, are an idiot.
      incase you forgot the rules of the playground they go like this:
      1- no snitching
      2- no hitting girls
      3- when you get tagged, your “it”

      ok now go out and enjoy recess

  • capcobra

    chris brown and rihianna always gonna be mentioned together like 2pac and biggie.

  • Motherland G

    WTF! HOLD UP!!! hw u gonna write dat ignorant nonsense abt SOUTH AFRICA? no place 2 charge ipods huh? Den hw the hell am i commenting on this site from my pc? Speak on what u knw man dats real f’d up! Dnt mean dat bcoz its africa we nt civilised! S.africa! Do ur research damn!

    • Jack Tripper

      That’s right! Check ‘em!

    • geico lizard

      So you are more worried about the ipod line but you dont mention the molesting kids line? Way to prioritize Kunta.

  • Brooklyn

    at some interview that he did, he kept claiming that the reason behind their fight was, “private” and that he didn’t want to compromise her “privacy” by exposing the reasons why they fought. i took that to mean that she did in fact have crotch rot and that she passed it on to him, which precipitated the ass whipping.

    “Isn’t knowingly giving someone the herp considered an assault, legally?”

    i think so, i know if you knowing give someone hiv it is

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Rihanna’s voice is fuckin annoyin

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Rihanna’s nook-nook might be worth getting burnt while your up in it, contradictory to Snoop’s advice. The real deal Holyfield is that the burn might make the climax THAT much more paramount. Living with a boil on your lip might not be as terrific, but now you can play it off as a scratch. So, yeah, I’ll take a small piece of some of that funky stuff…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • ghjk567

    what does TIs mean?

  • Master CHeef

    What, You dont work at K-mart anymore?!?!?!

    This blogging thing must really be paying off.

  • sealsaa

    ^She could sit on my face.

  • Rise

    Sup with the dissing africa line “as if there’s anywhere to charge an ipod in South Africa” update your knowledge of the world and realize that’s the country hosting the football world cup. That line is straight ignorant.

  • caino

    R-kelly peed on younglings faces didnt get as much heat as Breezy putting a shoe on RiRi…wonder why!

  • http://www.hotmail.com raoul

    Hey Bol! You are the most ignorant nigga I’ve ever come across. Come to South Africa and see it for yourself. We are much better here than in Saint Louis and by the way, we have more cellphones than people here!
    Fuck you!

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

    To all the angry South Africans – dudes, it was a joke, he knows you can charge an ipod there, hence the initial joke about girls not having iPods. Bol’s like Eminem circa ’99 – he’s just trying to say offensive shit to piss you off. If it works, you lose.

    And Bol – “Or is that the real reason he got away with picking up trash along the highway? Which is symbolic, if you think about it.” = LOLOCAUST.

  • geico lizard

    “Oprah is much more concerned with throwing a black man under a bus.”

    ^
    Hell yeah Bol preach that shit. Obama is the only brotha Oprah gives a pass too. Oprah is just another black man hating lezbo.

  • Youngz

    Hahahah ROFL Bol that sum legendary shit. How come u cant make money blogging? Have to work in shitty stores.damn these dark ass times….

  • geico lizard

    “As with Chris Brown on Oprah, the way those bitches treated me gives the lie to the idea that intergender abuse in the black community is typically of the man-on-woman variety.”

    ^
    RIP Chris Henry, that is another example of a woman losing control emotionally and a man ending up dead.

    • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

      co-sign that. that shit is very sad.