You Ain’t Missin’ Nothin’

“I think that it’s unfortunate, but at the same time I really feel like [Lil' Wayne's] not gonna miss out on anything… T.I.’s about to be home and he didn’t miss nothing. Nothing happened while he was gone. I don’t think anybody wants to go to jail, that’s just not a place for people.”

-Omarion, Rap-Up Magazine via SOHH.com

Wow, O. That shit was spoken like a nigga who not only has never been incarcerated, but doesn’t know anyone who’s ever been in the box either. T.I. isn’t missing anything? The nigga has like 5 kids. He’s missing a lot. Lil’ Wayne’s upped his baby collection in the past year himself. I don’t know if Weezy planned on ever seeing the new litter in person, but still. They’re out there.

I know Mr. Rad’s guidance made it so that nobody had to get locked up in You Got Served, but to suggest that people locked away for a year—or any other period of time, for that matter—aren’t missing anything is ludicrous. Fuck, put me in the cage for the weekend and I’d be wiggin. Dallas Penn’s account of going down for like 30 hours made me reflect on the shit I’d miss.

Niggas like Omarion should really shut the fuck up and go pop-lock somewhere instead of chasing down camera time with his no project-havin’ ass. Submitted for his review, Negro Please Presents: Things Niggas Miss When Locked Down.

Privacy – I grew up in a 3-bedroom apartment with 11 other people in Harlem’s St. Nicholas projects. “Two at the foot, two at the head” applied to couches and loveseats, let alone beds. I’m not saying this to brandish my ghetto stripes or what have you. I’m saying this because my favorite thing about growing up, moving out and having my own shit was that I didn’t feel other niggas’ eyes and breath on me all the god damn time. This speaks to the time when I had the freedom to go outside and play “don’t get hit by a stray” with the other pre-prisoners. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to not have even that much.

Family – Those 11 other niggas including Tameka Mexico-Barclays, Mama Mexico, Grandma-nana Mexico, Pop-Pop Mexico, Ricky Mexico, Mike Mexico and uncles between prison stays are the niggas I can’t imagine going through life without. [Blogger’s Note: Sorry. No Bobby.] Pop-Pop is no longer with us, which blows enough. We were all pretty tight, both figuratively and literally. The locked up uncles always got letters and shit. One such uncle missed the first words and steps of multiple children… whom I babysat. That’s far from “nothing”. We’re also still on Boosie watch for when the nigga breaks over pushing away the few people that care about him, even if only momentarily.

[Blogger's Note: Now, if anyone deserves a "Boosie response", it's Omarion.]

Elective Work – Some of us hate our day jobs. Most of us would gladly choose them over pressing up license plates, building shopping centers and cleaning roads for 12 cents per hour. How about being on a work detail in the middle of a city and being recognized by friends or neighbors?

“Hey, wanna go for a beer after you get off your shift?”

“Yeah. Meet me at ESPN Zone in like 5.”

“5 hours? That’ll be a little late for me tonight. I got work in the morning and shit.”

“Naw, nigga. I meant 5 years.”

Shit like that will make you miss that stressful occupation of recording slizzard freestyles and rapping on stage for thousands of horny teenage girls.

Decent Food – I had the pleasure of being half-Southeast American Negro [GASP! Did he say "south"?] and half-Jamaican. Fortunately, this meant meals were slammin’ on both sides, even when we didn’t have much to work with. I hear grub in the slammer is pretty fuckin terrible. Though, I’ve always been amazed and saddened by the niggas on Lockup Raw who talk about prison food like it’s the one improvement upon life on the outside. That must suck. I know it’d be damn near impossible to jerk chicken or make cornbread in one of them super-restrictive maximum security New York prison cells. My uncle didn’t even want to talk about food on the rare occasions we could afford to accept his collect calls. He damn sure appreciated them plates when we visited, though. They were cold from the 4-hour bus rides and Canadian air, but he always felt the love… and the Lawry’s.

Companionship – I’m not even talking about romantic relationships. Though you can get those in the joint if you wanted. Lil’ Wayne strikes me as the kind of nigga who gets blented and needs to have one of those weed ramble conversations. He will be surrounded by plenty of people who respond to the soo woo in a New York prison. I don’t know too much about gang life, but I hear it’s like having another family. Maybe he won’t be at a loss for homies, conversation and activity partners. However, if no one recognizes his soulja rag, I can imagine this career performing artist from pre-adolescence will be quite the recluse. That shit gets to you over time. Ask Beanie Sigel. He missed his big homie, didn’t he?

Pussy – The self-proclaimed “Pussy Monster” will definitely miss all that raw dog consensual vaginal intercourse and cunnilingus he’s been having. There may be other sexual alternatives in the box, as explored by my nigga Ike with the Iverson jersey. But unless he comes up on Mrs. Officer, Weeziana won’t be playing the Andy Griffith theme song any time soon.

With that said, a pussy break might be the best thing to ever happen to a nigga like Wayne. The man has reproduced like mold spores this year. Everywhere he touches down there’s a new goblin on the way. We can all appreciate a break from new Carters for a minute, right?

Questions? Comments? Requests? What would/did you miss about home? ron@ronmexicocity.com

This piece is dedicated to former New York City police commissioner Bernard Kerik, who pleaded guilty to corruption charges this morning. Night, night. Keep that asshole tight and them blues loose. Adebisi is watching.

Too bad the grimy nigga didn’t have any crack on him. He wouldn’t have been able to plead down to 2 years from 61.

  • Brown Suga

    Charmin

  • Apollo Moses

    “what a silly negro”…who even asked this fairy for his thoughts on going to pen…this bigging up of prison mentality has reached such a level of foolishness it’s amazing…I live down south and I don’t know any fool that will be at ease in an NY prison…sheeit Wayne going be looking like dude from Half Bake…”chill Nasty Nate”…well said on the things every brotha aside from Fleece Booty Bandit Johnson is goin to miss…I’ve plenty friends do a bid and we missed them…f^ck dat.

  • DV8

    wait a second I just realized something. Weezy’s down time means no Hot Boy reunion. How much time he get 1 or 2 yrs right? By then people would really, really, not give a fuck about the Hot Boys. I mean just the few of us on XXL are like the only people who know about the reunion anyway right?

    Back to the subject at hand. Omarion is a idiot. Who gives a fuck about whats going on and/or what you might miss in the music industry when your about to lose your freedom?

    I have only been arrested once as a teenager which resulted in a few hours in a holding cell until my mom came and got me. In those few hours I missed my freedom and clean bathrooms and fresh air. That small time in juvy made those things i took for granted seem all the more precious.

  • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

    Sheeeiiit!! I missed 2-ply toilet paper like a motherfucker! And one month without pussy will infuriate most straight men. When I got out, the missus got the best 5 minutes of her life.

    The biggest one was missing fam, although Pops came to visit every Tuesday (God bless the ol’ man).

    I missed Kanye’s Henny moment. Would’ve laughed harder if I saw it live.

    Ever had food so horrible that it made you laugh?

    It don’t stop on your release day, either. Probation is a BITCH! It’s like you’re still in jail but you get to stay at home. Fuck up while on probation and you’re looking at years in PRISON, not jail (there’s a difference).

    “he didn’t miss nothing.”

    S.T.F.U!!

    • GIBZ

      J7M! word!

      I spent 90 days in that bitch. When I got out I vowed, never! Ever! Ever ever ever ever ever to get locked up again. ‘Spcecially when a week of that was on 23 hrs lockdown in a 12 by 8 cell.

      “…feel he’s not gonna miss out on anything”

      NIGGA PLEEEEEEEEZ!!! How bout missing the most obvious thing?? Your freedom!!! WTF is wrong with this fruit cake??? Just being able to get out and walk more than a half of a block, or being able to get in a car, and ride for a mile is crazy new. I remember when I got out my girl was lookin at me crazy on the ride home, she said my eyes were wide as hell, and I had a look of astounment. I just remember everything felt new to me again. I cant imagine the pain and strife someone who has done YEARS might feel.

      Isnt O part of that little fruitcake group B2K that, a year or two ago, it had surfaced that the manager had sexually molested them?? or a few of them??? Didnt he manage his older brother’s group, wuts his face, Marcus Houston?? Probably the reason he always looked and acted a lil suspect to me.

      My point being you cant really take what these shit pushers say, ‘cus their whole mentality is fucked the fuck up, being that they were raped and all. Just my two cents. HA!

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com bollocks

    Yo, this shit is not funny in the least but I love that you managed to work a little humor in there Re: Weezy. TWICE.

    “Lil’ Wayne’s upped his baby collection in the past year himself. I don’t know if Weezy planned on ever seeing the new litter in person, but still. They’re out there.”

    &

    “but unless he comes up on Mrs. Officer, Weeziana won’t be playing the Andy Griffith theme song any time soon.”

    Ron, you’re a wise, wise man.

    Omarion…unless it’s a song I can fuck my girl to, I’m really not interested in anything coming out of your mouth.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    What part of the word “imPRISONment” doesn’t Omarion understand? Anything you do on a daily basis is missed once you life isn’t your own any longer. Private showers, door knobs, Charmin, velveeta, cell phones, watching girls walk past your house…

    What wouldn’t you miss?

    • capcobra

      i missed my refrigerator..the whole process of opening.standing.choosing.and closing… and i still keep some jack mac with the oodles n noodles as a reminder too.

  • Sleepy Wonder

    Don’t Remind Me Of The Food. They Give You Peanut Butter Tubes And Bread ALL DAY!

    Omarion Is An Idiot.

  • BIGNAT

    omarion would not last in holding forget actually prison.

  • JCITYHUSTLA617

    ANYONE WITH COMMONSENSE WILL UNDERSTAND THAT OMARION WAS TALKING BOUT T.I NOT MISSING ANYTHING IMPORTANT IN HIPHOP AND WHEN WEEZY GOES IT WILL B THE SAME SINCE THE GAME HASNT BEEN INTERESTING IN THE LAST COUPLE YEARS MINUS 50′S SHANANIGANS………………..THATS WHY IM HOPING THE BEANZ N JAYZ DRAMA PLAYS OUT WELL FOR HIPHOPS SAKE

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    The 1st thing you miss are clean air & grass.

    A mu’fukka like me went and bought the most expensive toilet paper & made a glove to wipe that ass…

    Omarion wouldn’t last in the cruiser back seat…Baby’s probably done already spent that Hot Boys reunion budget $ on commissary/ protection funding…

    And a big Peter Griffin “YEAH” for Bernard Kerik. Pleading out means he’s saving RUDY GULIANI’s ass. A potential 61 years in P.C. is looney bin status.

  • El Tico Loco

    I hope he stays isolated or something. This could be when the kissin video and his justification of the incident comes back to bite him in the ass, they gonna be talkin about how that video wrecked him (rectum) for life after the verdict.

  • these posts are racist

    “This speaks to the time when I had the freedom to go outside and play “don’t get hit by a stray” with the other pre-prisoners.”

    Awesome imagery. Great drop.

  • http://xxlmag.com Blakout615

    Umm I think Omarion was just speaking about hes not gonna miss anything in the hip hop world…

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      maybe i should expand on the elective work section a bit.

      when guys like t.i., wayne and beans spend a year locked up, they miss out on very important promotion time, appearances, touring and working on music. this shit is invaluable. it’s foolish to think there’s nothing being missed even in this regard.

  • westcoastaggie

    We forget that Omarion is low key jealous of Wezzy goin into the cell for a year. Remember, he was “violated” by Chris Stokes.

  • ri067953

    Dude, do you really think T.I. or Wayne or Beans really care about missing out on family, work or anything else? These muthafuckers were/are living the dream and they chose to participate in self-destructive behavior instead of valuing the position they are in.

    Why should Omarion or anybody else give a flying fuck about what they have to give up in exchange for their illegal activities? Everybody is acting like they were set-up Freeway Rick Ross style but they weren’t. They had millions at stake in a legitimate business and they fucked it up by trying to keep it real.

    I say FUCK’EM

  • caino

    lol @ Adebasi is watching he was a cold dude on OZ !!!

  • capcobra

    what about the shit you miss when you come home from jail?..like those cheap ass snacks.the card games.the love letters.pacing the yard.the crime stories.the 3 meals everyday on time.the no responsibility.the payphone that collectors can’t call.the cheap tats.dominoes..you know..the shit that keep people going back.

    • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

      HAHAAA!!

      I miss all the LIES people told in jail. I was in J-Block (the uppity, non-violent, didn’t pay your child support, DUI block) and if you believed some of the stories told there you’d think you were housed in with the biggest drug dealers on the planet!

      There was this one guy who was absolutely PROUD to be a crackhead. He LOOOOVES crack and couldn’t wait to get back to his girl who had a welcome home ‘package’ waiting for him. I thought I was talking to Tyrone Biggums. Great comedy relief, this guy!

      Still not going back, LOL!

  • giantstepp

    The most i’ve done was two days in a county jail and ive been snatched off the streets for petty shit (open alcohol suspended license etc)and sat in holding cells at the local precient for a few hours at a time, and that shit sucks!! Personally i cant imagine doing a year in prison. im glad i missed that ghetto “rite of passage” of doing time. imma leave that to all you gangstas ’cause i wanna be out here with your lonely women, sipping and puffin. but ya’ll gonna have plenty of stories for me when ya get back on the bricks.

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    T.I. has a song on Paper Trail called “you aint missing nothing”. here’s the chorus:
    [Chorus: T.I.]
    I know the time seem long, just try and keep strong
    Put on ya headphones and rewind this song
    Remember you ain’t missin’ nothin’, homes
    I promise you ain’t missin’ nothin’, homes
    Hey, just know the club on hold and the broads on pause
    You get home, it’s gon’ be waitin’ on y’all
    So dawg, just know fa real you ain’t missin’ nothin’, homes
    I promise you ain’t missin’ nothin’, homes

    ^^i dont even know what to say.

    being a nigga that has never stepped foot in a jail. i had never looked @ it this way (all the things a nigga would miss). i swear, some of my homies be acting like that shit is vacation. my nigga claimed he had a cell phone (he did call me a lot), still smoke herb, still got drunk. & how they gon go back to doing the same shit when he get out. only thing he was w/out was money & pussy, if you let him tell it.
    ME, i would miss first & foremost PUSSY. OMG. that would be brutal. second, my family (lil bruh crackin me up, chillin w/ pops, talking to mom dukes). i’m sure you could somehow smoke weed in jail but, it certainly wouldnt be the same (price & quantity).

  • Ayre

    Lol! Goblins……

  • The Fedz

    The lie that you miss nothing in jail is the main reason niggas keep going back. I think thats why they give so many liberties to folks in jail to blind them that they have lost all freedom.

    Whenever I hear a niogga say some shit like jail was a vacation I know one thing,. he’ll be back on vacation real soon.

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Man I never been to jail/prison in my life, and I don’t plan on changing that either! Fuuuuuuuuck that! The Army was enough for me as it is, but at least I chose to do that you know?