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How I know Fiddy banged Taheezo

[Bol Note: I’d just like to point out that, while the post I published here about an hour ago was removed, this was the rare occasion – the only occasion, in fact – when a post was removed by yours truly. Come to find out I had a few facts, if not the overall gist of the thing, wrong. I know, who’d a thunkit?]

Sometimes I can’t tell if 50 Cent is making chess moves, or if he just enjoys fucking with people, and it works out in his favor more often than not.

Take for example the fact that Fiddy may or may not be banging Joe Budden’s ex, Taheezo. I’m assuming Fiddy hit that, because Taheezo is a sex worker by trade (well, she is), and already this year, Fiddy insinuated that he dropped a load on Rawse’s ex, Tia, his son’s mother, not to be confused with the one you can order out the back of the Florida equivalent of the Village Voice. If I had the means to pull such a stunt, I might consider tapping that myself, for the sake of journalism. I’d have to double bag it though. If Fiddy didn’t bother with it, who knows where it’s been?

Taheezo, at one point in time, was a stripper. Whether or not she routinely did something strange for some change would depend on the nature of the club where she performed. I happen to know, from having spent about half my life, on and off, listening to the Stern show, that strip clubs in New York aren’t fully nude, while at strip clubs in Philly, you can practically see a woman’s tonsils. (Feel free to correct me about this, if I’m wrong.) It could be that the further away from a cosmopolitan urban center you are, the luckier you’re allowed to get in a strip club. Google or someone should come up with a map that illustrates this. If any major research universities want to sponsor it, I’d be willing to put one together.

I could tell you from experience that in parts of Southern Illinois, you’re allowed to do pretty much anything other than give a stripper the Anthony Sowell treatment, but my house is kinda close to a school, and I know if I could find another place this nice (relatively speaking) where the mortgage is roughly comparable to the note on a Toyota Camry. And I’m certainly not about to do anything other than blog for a living. So, um, never mind.

But the club where Taheezo “worked” was probably in New Jersey, where Budden is from, and you don’t have to have ever visited New York to know that New Jersey is New York’s foul arm pit. I’ve seen enough episodes of the Sopranos (one in particular) to know how the employees of the Bada Bing were treated. Then there was the fact that Taheezo has already been with a number of rappers. Budden and Fabolous are the ones we know about, but obviously, if I’m a rapper, I’m not about to trust a woman who’s been with even one rapper before me. What are the odds?

So yeah, 50 Cent has almost certainly banged Taheezo. The questions is: why? Is this all part of some grand scheme to land him some ridonkulous future windfall, like Jay-Z’s plan to become part-owner of the Yankees, or does Fiddy just keep a list of rappers whose ex-girlfriends he could probably have sex with, and Taheezo’s name just happened to come up next?

With the “Baby By Me” video, I could see how casting Beyonce’s former Destiny’s Child groupmate Kelly Rowland would serve a purpose in his beef with Jay-Z, i.e. by suggesting that, “See, I’ve got enough money to buy one of the girls from Destiny’s Child, too, albeit one of the darker ones no one gives a shit about.” I’m assuming Fiddy didn’t do anything other than pose with her in the video, but who knows? You know these black women’s natural (perhaps understandable) inferiority complex. She wouldn’t have bothered with the Fiddy video, if she didn’t, at least on a subconscious level, feel jealous of Beyonce. It’s not like she needs the money. I’ve she’s still big in Europe, where they don’t have as strong an ability to discern. She may have been flattered that 50 Cent would even be interested in having sex with her.

Taheezo is different, in that who gives a shit about Joe Budden? I explain shit for a living, and I’m at a loss for how they’re gonna go about explaining who Joe Budden is and why it’s amusing that Fiddy is suggesting that he’s been with his girlfriend, in this video. They might have to spell it out in plain English, in a ticker at the bottom of the screen. Then there’s the fact that Budden was supposedly signing with Shady/Aftermath, which would actually make Budden and Fiddy labelmates. How awkward would that be, now that Fiddy has followed Budden down the path of least resistance?

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