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Keep Ya Head Up, Boosie!

“This the same fuckin’ courtroom that threw away Mystikal, you know? So, far as takin’ the trial, shit. I’mma be a G. I’mma lay down for it, you know? 365 days. It’s somethin’, but it’s nothin’. It’s somethin’, but it’s nothin’. I’m the only one gotta do that time. Niggas be talkin’ bout keep ya head up. Nigga, fuck you! Nigga, don’t worry about if my head up. Suck my dick. Bitch, I the one gotta go do this time. Ain’t none of y’all gonna be in that bitch. Y’all gonna be at home still wiping y’all ass with Charmin. Fuck, nigga… My head down… If I’m lookin’ mad, bitch, look the other way. Don’t tell me shit ’bout ‘Keep ya head up.’ Nigga, fuck all that. I’m goin’ do time. Fuck all that. Put somethin’ in a nigga account.”

-Lil’ Boosie, Ozone Magazine via Maurice Garland

“Fuck you?” Word, Boosie? Granted, I’m not one of the triflin’-ass, hatin’-ass fuck niggas offering Boosie moral support during this difficult time he’s created for himself. But, there’s no reason to shit on the motherfuckers who are.

“Suck my dick?” Nigga gonna be in the bunk next to Boosie talkin bout, “Don’t mind if I do. N-name Jangle Leg. Jangle Leg.” Fortunately, Boosie doesn’t have to stress about giving niggas the wrong impression. His fade makes him look like a lesbian. All jokes aside, fades are supposed to gradually transition from thick to thin.

I’m sorry. I just wanna strike a match on the side of that nigga head. That’s all. But, I digress. Where was I now? Oh, right.

Peep how at the end this nigga Boosie’s half-assedly askin for handouts and commissary donations like Max B. You know damn well he’ll take that shit too if you log onto the Department of Corrections website and drop some change on it. I’ve done as much myself. The shit works like PayPal these days. I bet Boosie’s so ornery because someone’s gonna have to hold on to his life’s worth in fake gold while he’s away. Maybe he’s not as certain of his ability to stack up again as he was his chances on beating this case. As of now, the only way he’s getting back all those soon-to-be repossessed goods is if his fans truly enjoy being treated like abused spouses who refuse to leave.

“H-he only tell me to suck his dick like that ‘cuz he loooooooove me. And, he a good nigga when we alone. I swear. Oh, this here? That ain’t nothin’. I-I was out of line.”

Boosie sounds bitter and wound up, as if the nigga was framed or some shit. We done seen the guns. He’s been holding them up in his trashy promo videos for a while now. All the prosecution would have had to do is put on Worldstar.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present Exhibit A: ‘Real Nigga’s Due Real Thing’s: Lil’ Boosie Dont Give A Fuck!!! Start’s Showing Of His Mad Illegal Gun’s With Goon’s In The Trap Huose!!!’

Boosie’s not some kind of fuckin political prisoner. Nigga should quit with the whole sour act. Everything was all good just a week ago. He did some dumb shit. He’s getting locked up—after swearing it couldn’t happen, mind you—but, fuck all you fans and supporters giving him words of encouragement.

You damn right, Torrence. I don’t have to do the time. I’m not the stupid nigga playing with the illegal guns and taunting the courthouse like Gerald M. Saluti. Now you get to miss out on all the hot Charmin action niggas finna be havin.

I think the day Boosie goes into the box I’m gonna throw down all-you-can-eat sushi and a box of Raisin Bran. Real niggas will be taking a massive shit in his honor.

Wipe me down, indeed.

One would think a nigga about to go into the cage would be receptive to all the love and support he could get. I hear it gets a little lonely in there. I wouldn’t know, of course. We’ll see how he feels about well-wishers a couple months into that bullet.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Is it nothing or something?

P.S.: Why invoke the name of Mystikal the braid rapist? Because you stood trial in the same court? Lil’ Wayne is about to face the same court that put away Plaxico. And??? I’m sure they put away a lot of criminals.

P.P.S.: I wonder if Charmin paid this nigga in [my] preeeeecious zircon.

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