Get Up Outta There! Fuck the Ride!

By now you’re likely familiar with Soulja Boy Tell Em having been arrested late last week. If you’ve been reading Negro Please a while, you’re also aware that we’ve had a lot of laughs at Soulja Boy’s expense. We also pity his ignorance, which is not absolved by having made money. In this latest installment of The De’Andre Way, our hero seems to simultaneously botch both a “music video” shoot and criminal record.

I’m sure by “music video” Soulja Boy means straight-to-WSHH cameraphone cinematography. Why else would the nigga be trespassing? Unless, of course, he wasn’t shooting the visual component to his latest auditorture at all. Either way, he should have gotten a permit or some form of permission to do be in the mawfucka.

When you’re up in some spot you don’t belong, you’ve got to have some level of creep to you. Not to say Soulja Boy was there stealing anything—he’s a rich nigga with rich nigga shit, after all—but burglars don’t come up in your home with a blaring boombox when they come to steal whatever isn’t nailed down. But, of course, Soulja Boy gets popped as the result of a noise complaint. Not one of them S.O.D. Money Drainers has the sense to think, “Hey, we shouldn’t even be up in this mawfucka. Let’s at least try to keep it down so these people don’t call the police” or “You know if anyone sees our headlights approaching this house in their neighborhood, they might call the police right?”

No. They were just thinking about how much money they’re getting. Or whatever it is they think about between blunts and XBOX sessions.

So, I’m supposed to understand that after the police do come and everyone scatters on foot or whatever, that this nigga returns to the scene of the “crime”? He comes back a few hours later to get the Range Rover?! Nigga, please.

First of all, you’re caught right there if you left your car. That’s not dropping a wallet or a bloody glove. That’s a vehicle with license plates and registration information. The police are going to tag that shit and get you eventually. They probably ran the plates, figured out whose vehicle it was and decided to wait for Soulja Boy to come back for the quarter pound weed left in the backseat.

Officer 1: What do you wanna do, Jimmy? Wanna take this Range Rover to impound?

Officer 2: *looking pensively at the dashboard monitor* De’Andre Way. Hmmm. I’ve seen that name before somewhere. Is that an actor or a rapper or something?

Officer 1: Don’t ask me how I know, but that’s Soulja Boy. My daughter loves that little shit. Got his posters all over her fucking room.

Officer 2: Soulja Boy? Oh shit. I don’t know much about him, but I do know he’s a fucking moron. Hold off on that impound. I think this one might be open and shut if we just hang around just a little while long—

Officer 1: Shhhh! Someone’s coming. I bet it’s him.

Soulja Boy: Oh, hell yea! That shit still here! Pussy ass cracka po’-leese stupid as hell! POW!

Arab: *giggling, as he would at anything Soulja Boy says*

Officer 1: Freeze! Police! Are you De’Andre Cortez Way?

This poor decision and poor planning was going to come back to haunt Soulja Boy at some point, but it didn’t have to be fucking immediately. It looks like walked into that shit like the Trix rabbit.

Speaking of mythological forest-dwelling creatures, what the fuck is this nigga trynna do with his hair? If he’s one of us many young blacks who have been searching for pops to no avail all our lives, he might want to try swinging by GameStop. Nigga look like he could take Sonic the Hedgehog on Maury for a paternity test. His mama should have been fuckin with Mario. No Charles Hamilton.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Keep your hands high. Shit gets deeper.

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  • Escobar9300

    J7M. hahaha this is hilarious. Soulja is a straight up dummy, hope this fool spent some time studying how not to be a complete idiot while he was in the box for that night.

  • El Tico Loco

    Let’s help his thought process – if he drives off it might be a matter of time before he’s pulled over or gets in a chase with the law. Do ya’ll he was better off reporting the truck stolen after running away to cover his tracks? Maybe not because somebody woulda snitched and the timing is too suspect for the events. And if he pulled that off, you think one of his boys would admit to have driven the truck to the location and take a bid? Eeh don’t think so. Do I think he thought about anything before he got in this shit? HELL NO!

    I don’t get on here as often as I used to can somebody get me up to date on the J7M and not Pierzy thing for 1st?

    • Jamal7Mile

      What’s up Tico?

      The J7M thing was a way for the boards to say “keep ya head up, Mal” while I did a 30 day bid for DUI. I was humbled by the gesture an appreciate it, but it’s no longer necessary.

      @Commenters, Thanks yo! Back to “Pierzy!”

      • $ykotic/Don McCaine

        Welcome back homie. Love, peace, & happiness.

        Memo to Souljah Boy:

        The precinct holding pen does not qualify as jail street cred.


        • El Tico Loco

          See I guess I was really out the loop lately since they’re workin me like a slave (but I got a raise). But welcome back homie. And ya’ll leave SB alone shawty that bwah rich ya’ll hatin mane! Free Soulja bwah *trying to keep a straight face*

  • hotbox

    even though elliot wilson beat you to the punch, i really think you should speak on asher roth’s obama comment


    “Soulja Boy? Oh shit. I don’t know much about him, but I do know he’s a fucking moron. Hold off on that impound. I think this one might be open and shut if we just hang around just a little while long—”
    yeah sprinkle some crack on the truck so when he comes back we can get him for that to. why didn’t sb send one of many bag handlers to fetch his car.

    • Shawty J

      Cuz one of them niggas might’ve tried to jack his ride. He’s been jacked by one of his homies before.

  • Worley

    “We also pity his ignorance, which is not absolved by having made money.”

    That should be a motto in the rap game. Coons, buffoons and sellouts all get paid. That does not absolve you of the f*ckery.


    The next headline i see in the future for this monkey is problems with the I.R.S.

  • Tony Grands

    I’m thinking, these dudes were well aware of what they were getting themselves into way before hand.

    Why even drive a Rover to commit a misdemeanor to begin with? I’m sure he didn’t buy all of his handlers $50,000 cars. Somebody’s still pushing a beat down ’88 Monte Carlo.

    If nothing else, true “rich nigga shit” is being chauffeured everywhere. You wouldn’t catch me driving, ever. & anyone who uses currency as toilet paper can surely pay for a limo.

  • GIBZ

    Welcome back J7M! And Pierzy is off doin his higher education thing, props to him for seeing whats important and takin the steps to accomplish it.

    This SB shit is too funny, but not a surprise. Mex I was thinkin the exact same shit, if he left, why come back for the truck?? U gonna get a call that the shit is in the impound lot, racking up storage fees sooner or later, he actually came back though. He really thought he could just come back and pick that shit up and leave like nothing ever happened?? This nigga dumber than I thought

  • AD

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I have not and do not plan on in the future supporting this dude’s music. But, what I do not understand from the public is why he gets a lot of negative support. I mean he is only ninteen with more money than the average teen, so the things that he does do not seem that outlandish to me. I’m just saying….

  • EmCDL

    Yo what up J7M whats good? Glad you back homie!

    Good post Mex, shit was funny as hell with the officers!

    “Don’t ask me how I know, but that’s Soulja Boy. My daughter loves that little shit. Got his posters all over her fucking room.”

  • Federal Ranga

    Welcome back, J7… good to see ya around again.

    Soulja Boy came back because he probably thought somebody might Brisco his Range Rover… jackass.


  • latino heat

    what up J7M? good to know your home safe.

    S.B. is a moron. nothing he does or says surprises me anymore. dude is like the comedy relief of the rap game.

  • GO-Getta’

    P*ssy is lucky his Range Rover was still there!

    • Federal Ranga

      Atlantans arent the biggest fans of SUVs like they used to be…. that might be the only other reason his shit didnt get jacked…

  • General

    Good blog Mex…

    This may be the dumbest muthafucka in the rap game. If you know you are doing something illegal why would you drive your own car there and park it out front??? And the police are slippin…they couldn’t Rodney King his ass just one time??? We need to make it clear to the police that we will refrain from using cameras or other recording devices if they put their hands on Soulja Boy and do us all a favor…you know like old times

  • El Tico Loco

    APD don’t Rodney King anybody, they’ll shoot you on a traffic stop and give you house arrest for catching a body, in other words backwards.

  • Chilly Willy

    Poor S(O)B……

    It’s hard to yell “Ya trick yaaaaaaahhh” while your counterpart hold a badge and a taser to fry you like a chicken waang. It’s hard out here for a dumb rich nigga…




  • Brooklyn

    i’d suspected this before, but after hearing about this shit, i’m convinced that homeboy’s moms was puffing the magic pipe when she was pregnant with him. he’s beyond stupid, this motherfucker is retarded, and not in the good way.