A History of Violence

A good friend of mine always says to me that the definition of insanity is the act of repeating the same behaviors and expecting a different result. Even if this is not the Merriam-Webster’s definition, it best explains my plight of saving black boys.

I’m sure by now we have all witnessed via WorldStar or YouTube the unfortunate and untimely death of Chicago honor student Derrion Albert. The footage sickened me and nearly brought me to tears. When viewing the video my mind put other faces from my childhood in place of the ones I was seeing. I saw Woo Dog and Spanky, both of whom were high school friends and died on Atlanta’s concrete corners, bullet riddled within a year of one another.

I saw Derrion as “Stinky” a small and loved kid who went to another high school and was stomped to death by an older student for speaking to his girlfriend. I saw Ronnie who is now a public school educator, but had it not been for a gunshot to the knee during a fight with students from a rival high school, who would (not could) have been a professional athlete. Even now as adults, when I see him on occasion I still see an 18-year-old on crutches crushed at the thought of his dream being lost because of an interschool rivalry. A rivalry between Frederick Douglass High and Benjamin E. Mays High nonetheless— cold and brutal irony that in the name of a black emancipator and educator, we black boys waged war in the street against one another. Why did we fight, for what? Truthfully, I still don’t know.

I saw over 20 ghosts in that footage. 20 black boys from my past that met a brutal and untimely demise in the 90’s. 20 deaths in the name of school rivalry, starter jackets, Filas, Air Jordans, crack disputes, gangs, neighborhood cliques, but mostly bullshit based on some old code of ethics “don’t let no nigga disrespect you”. 20 were just the victims I knew. I currently have two dear friends and five associates who will spend the remainder of their natural lives in GA prisons, each for murder. I have others that are now, after 10, 12 and 15 year sentences, just coming home. I’m sorry if I’m going too long on the intro as M. Garland let me know I have a habit of doing, but I’m sad man. I’m tearing as I write this actually because I have lived this existence. I know these boys: Derrion (God bless the dead), Silvonus, Eric and both Eugenes.

My friends were victims and perpetrators. My friends were honor students and rouges. My friends, like all those black boys on that video had been failed by the community, the village. If it indeed takes a village to raise a child, it’s time we admit our entire village is broken. We are a shell of the people we once were. A wicked combination of self doubt, self pity and material self interest that has infested our village like a virus.

Like any virus, it attacks the most vulnerable, the young and the weak. Black youth have suffered from this plague of senseless violence too long. We all experience it, though not always fatal. However when I speak to friends of other races who have never been in a fight, or felt pressure to clique up because of fear, or do not own a gun, or know someone who died young due to violence, or have friends in prison since they were kids, I know this is an outbreak in my village it never affected them. I know this diseased existence is not normal and it’s not right. We are 30, our teens are enduring the exact same suffering we did 10 and 15 short years ago and we have failed. The village has failed.

Since the fires and riots of the 60s—when two of our best were assassinated—and the 70s—when black suffering and criminal culture became a cash cow for Hollywood (Blaxploitation)—our village has become the perfect petri dish for the virus of violence to grow. Add crack based alternative economy that employs the young, add the easy access to guns and lack of job opportunity in the 80’s, minus fathers due to divorce, teen pregnancy, unfair prison sentences, deaths and simple neglect for their children, and you have the recipe for 25 years of black male teen violence in the village.

While this happens, black mothers become the face of the new addict in the crack epidemic and they are demonized in the 90s (Clinton era) as welfare cheats and promiscuous vixens that only seek to have sex and breed. Welfare to work takes mamas out of kids’lives during wake hours leaving the young to explore any vice imaginable. Public schools and classes become lager and the quality of teaching and education takes a sharp turn for the worst.

The Church once a haven for self-organization becomes “Mega” and changes its direction to “Blessing Based;” meaning to Jesus, money matters most. Even parents that are physically present are encouraged to value valuables. This presence of things and absence of elders opens the doorway for the disease of violence to infect once hopeful suburban villages like Clayton Co. near Atlanta and Decatur to the east, homes to Creflo Dollar and Eddie Long’s Churches.

I wanna bring this post on home ya’ll but I’m scattered and rambling because I’m sad. I’m angry at myself. I am angry at the village, I mean the entire village. Dozens of children have died this year in Chicago, and we did nothing. Atlanta, D.C, Detroit, Newark, Miami, N.O., Baton Rouge, Lil Rock, Oakland, thousands are dead and we did and do nothing! We watch the victims and families on local news, CNN and FOX and watch the offenders on 48hrs and American Gangster and Gangland and still we do nothing!

We feel a tinge of sadness for the children that die. We feel bone deep anguish and hurt for those black mamas. We look and feel lucky not to live “there.” We thank God our kid are ok and we resume life in this broken model of a village. We do nothing more! By doing nothing more we keep KILLING OUR CHILDREN!?!?!

By blaming rappers, like adults did when we listened to real violent rap like Esham, Geto Boys, Dayton Fam, N.W.A., The Hard Boys, and Spice One, we are KILLING OUR CHILDREN. We knew at 15 that it took some PE, Ice Cube, OutKast, Goodie Mob, Scarface, 2Pac, Tribe, Hiero and De La to balance our self. We knew at 15 how important self knowledge and growth were and we sought it. So why at 25, 35, 45 do we act as though we are still children (making it rain and big toys) or act as though we never were (forgetting the lessons we learned in our own turbulent teens) and asking for the blood of other children in retribution? Any black adult that condones a child being tried as an adult in these United States is a sociopath themselves. If you are from a major metro city and reared in the 80s or 90s chances are you have engaged in at least one act that could have put u in similar circumstances, had you been caught. I guess through these tears and these words what I’m trying to convey is Derrion, I’m sorry. I apologize, this is MY fault. Silvonus, Erick, Eugene R and Eugene B, I’m sorry we let you young brothers down. We shoulda known with Yummy it was time to take control of things and guide you all better, but we failed you. We shoulda known with Fort and Hoover. We did know actually, and we just turned our heads and let thousand before you kill and die. It’s my fault I knew this was waiting for you lil homies and I did what I could (made some rap records about revolutionary realness) but that ain’t enough. In my post drug dealer, pre-rap year, I mentored and organized with six young men. They called themselves Checking Game. They believed that black men, because of the suffering and murder and violence they had endured and perpetuated, are uniquely qualified to be “champions of justice.” One’s name was E.J., who in spite of a threat on his life testified against a criminal. He went on to become a soldier and later was stabbed and hurt very badly. He was discharged, had to fight to get his general discharge upgraded to an Honorable one and he is attempting to become a cop. I am encouraging that attempt. We need more E.J.s on the APD. He and all five Boys were from Boat Rock, one of Atl’s most notorious housing projects. They made it out, they made it out because of me; we the village were proactive in their life and that allowed them to save themselves. By not being involved we have murdered our children.

Adults should be on every corner in the hood standing defiant and fearless. If our men are unemployed, we need you on that corner at 7 a.m. and 3 p.m. bruh. If our women tithe another dollar they must require churches to allow the men of the community to have full access to the churches facilities to oversee after school and gym programs. Frats and sororities must establish intense high school campaigns to counter balance kids’ interest in gangs. Gangs must evolve or go. If gangs cannot organize, educate and restructure membership into a true enterprise that is self regulated and legislated like the Shiners or Masons or other social clubs, they must cease to exist. The black ministers, Rabbis, Imam’s Scholars and civic leaders 25 to 45 must establish civic authority and parents and children must be required to attend a non religious meeting around community growth once a week. Kids should also be required to attend and be taught to organize independent of the parents. This is not all the answers to how to fix our village and end the murder and incarceration of our young but it’s all I can get out through the tears honestly. Please, let’s not argue today I don’t have the energy honestly. Let’s just post solutions that we know have worked in the past or will work. Some examples are: Cuba’s Each One Teach One literacy campaign, the Panther Breakfast Program, The South African Truth and reconciliation committees that allowed victimizers to ask the forgiveness from the person or persons family, the injured or killed, and the Brazilian Youth Movement that fought to get the rights of Brazilian street kids recognized, at a time when the police were killing them like dogs.

I know this post was long. Thank you for reading and thank you for asking me to write about it. I would have just buried it deep in me and lived with the tears had Mutada Mullah/ Atari not asked me to blog about it. So there it is, my raw feelings on a post. I hope that, OG Matt Herbs, Shawty J, Kato, Smel, EMcdl, These Post R Racist, Don Rico, Trondadon and all ya’ll have some uplifting solutions cause the village needs them. Andrew Young (google him) said to me two weeks ago that Benjamin E. Mays was addressing a room of black students and said “it is by no fault of your own that you are 347 years behind. All I ask is can you catch up in 25 years.

We are only 40 years into this cycle of violence and we can end it in 10. 25 to 45 year-olds have lived through this like any survivor of a virus. The antidote is in us. We the hip-hop generation must save ourselves with the knowledge we gained by surviving this condition. We must or we lose another generation to the curable disease of violence that’s killing our village’s children. We must rewrite our history of violence now or the death of Derrion, and those other boys, who by taking his life have destroyed their own, are all in vain. The tears of Derrion’s mother and the mothers of the accused will be a repeated event if we do not reclaim our village and end this violence. Be encouraged (key word COURAGE). It’s BIGGA.

Catch me on Twitter @Killer_Mike. I would love to continue this convo. GTRG…BBB

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  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    Thanks Mike. I knew you would be able to bring some compassion back to this topic via the XXL blogs. Bol on the other hand… SMH
    I’m worried about the youth in general black boys in particular. Parents need to get a hold of these kids and teach them right from wrong. Some are just bad seeds and you can’t do anything about it now matter what you try. But I’d venture to say it’s the parenting that causes a child to have a lack of conscience, no sense of right or wrong good or bad. The continual rejection of God (not religion), will take its toll in the future as well. I know people have their views some of which are founded on solid facts. However with our generation in particular becoming the “Zeitgeist Generation”, were folks are loosing their faith after viewing a few Youtube videos. just don’t see things getting much better down the road. The influences in culture do not help either. Violent video games, unfettered access to the lowest form of drivel via the internet, movies, music, and poor role models only add fuel to the fire. It’s not just America either. Youths are being exploited and used for violence all over the world from the child soldiers in Africa taught to rape women to develop a lack on conscience. To the suicide bombers in Muslim countries used to do the dirty work of clergy. To the surge in white power and skin heads in places like Russia. Hell even WSHH with all of the race baiting and racism spewed on those boards shows that today’s youth need better guidance.

  • sikka

    XXL should keep Mike on as a permanent blogger, his blogs are actually thoughtful, insightful and are about something, unlike other guess bloggers.

    • DV8

      cosign that…..Ive said that myself before. I hope they actually do keep him as a blogger.

  • s.c.a.

    I thouroughly agree with everything written in this post as myself even as a 20 year old black male generally starting out in this world I feel saddened and disgusted by the conditions with live in day in and day out. The cycle of ingnorance which is a vast association violence,drug,etc. not only affects areas in America but in all different areas of the world the ghetto is the ghetto ignorance constitutes you have to be of a certain race or gender to commit such atrocities within your own community. I can attest to that by me living up north in Canada as people have a basic view of us being “simpletons” but I can assure that a plague of ignorance is as prevalent here as it is anywhere else. The general problem I see constantly in areas people would deem lower class there really is no affirmative foundation within the community people live by a so-called code of ethics: don’t let that nigga punk you, yo fuck that nigga, i don’t play that fuck shit, to the point it sounds like a broken record. What I generally I can’t say exactly say in the sad case of Derrion is that HURT people hurt people. As human beings when we are born we our our full of innocence and pure and divine in spirit. Ignorance tends to go hand in hand with the concept of pure evil no being becomes such an animal from but rather is tragedy a fall form grace when you’re exposed to certain things too early you tend to see things and the world from a misguided point of view. I appreciate you Killa Mike bring your views and opinions to this discussing I know I’m young but from your posts this past couple of weeks you have the same type of intelligence and character that Mr. Tupac Amaru Shakur would have embraced not only from a fellow black male but IN all of us.

    P.S. This sounds crazy but could you give some tips on books or type of stuff culturally I should partake upon to enrich my mind as I not only want to be a musician but hopefully one day a beacon of hope towards the generation of kids to come after me I’d greatly appreciate it.



  • Worley

    It’s really sad man. I’m an old school cat so I don’t have a problem with a fair one, but this type of violence is crazy. It looked like those dudes were swinging on any and everybody for a still unknown reason.

    I don’t necessarily advocate school as the only route of progress and positive change. Instead, I tell cats all the time to find something positive and legal that they love. Keep at it until they are successful. Over the years I have realized that there are groupies for every type of success: school, athletics, music, etc. Cats can ball with every type of success. Just do something positive and keep away from the negativity. Taking that route alone will keep you (relatively) safe when Mr. Ignorance looks for his next victim.

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    sincere post mike, and appreciated. we are ALL frustrated, and we express our frustrations in different ways. in fact, i am responsible for much of the negativity from yesterdays bol thread, and i copp to that.

    and if youre reading this, tpar, i apologize.

    moving on, and to provide context, i teach english on the south side of san jose, where the west, east, and south meet, at the same intersection where my high school is located. the school demographics are 60% latino/a, 30% vietnamese, and 10% “other”. there school is divided largely by the nortenos and surenos, but we also have border brothers, crips, bloods, and an assortment of smaller, but active cliques.

    naturally, it is violent. but for every teacher like myself in the classroom, there is less violence. so one thing we can do is change educational policy (and not by taking lisaraye to dinner!). a couple things that need to be done:

    1. make tenure, and pink-slipping of teachers merit-based, not seniority-based. 75% of teachers who are tenured do not even try anymore, and many of them use the SAME EXACT lessons every year, for decades! and each year, the most highly trained, passionate, young, connected to the youth, and energetic teachers get pink-slipped (laid off). if we make it a meritocracy, all teachers try harder to be on their a-game and the students will be more successful in social and academic aspects.

    2. change property taxing and zoning laws. the poorest students live in the neighborhoods that have the least amount of home owners, and the home owners in the hood pay the highest interest rates on their mortgages; this means they lose their houses most often, so tax-based funding for schools in the hood is essentially incalculable. also, the rich neighborhoods have huge ownership, and old money, with locked-in, low interest rates. since the taxing is consistent, and there is a huge rate of ownership, schools in rich areas have a shit-load of consistent funding.

    so there are two places to start in education here in the bay, and this is why i did my masters in social justice education for equity, and why i will likely be getting my Phd in educational policy.

    we must do what you suggested, but it is also IMPERATIVE we change the laws that lead to inequity.

    • Master Cheef

      *their school is divided largely


      • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

        well played chief*

  • Joe Morgan jr

    Well written Mike
    I have personally received a very similar beatdown as this young man died from. I was fourtunate not to die from it. But still feel the effects daily of having my head crushed in. When I saw this footage I flashed back to my childhood .Scenes like this were daily occurances. I know the story and I’ve been both characters. As I mentioned sometimes I was the victim, sometimes………..
    I feel very lucky that no matter how many times they tried ( on another occasion I was shot ) I wasn’t killed by my peers are that my actions never resulted in someone else’s demise. Just as easy as you can become a victim in these streets you can become a victimizer. I mourn the loss of all my childhood friends. It doesn’t matter if there names are written on my skin or on commisary envelopes.

  • GIBZ

    Heartfelt post Mike. It is truly sad what happened to Derrion. Unfortunately, it will continue to happen. We will never learn and we as humans are truly lost.


    damn Mike. i’m glad i read this. its almost bringing me to tears man. but, i suggest going to the high schools & middle schools (during school hrs, when they have to be there) get ALL the boys in one area, have an in depth ‘real talk’ coversation. then all who are down with the movement will form a club, organization, team, something & go from there. MOST IMPORTANTLY, go to the schools.

    While were on the topic of uplifting brothers, im giving a special shout out to Mr. Keene Walker. he was a teacher @ my high school, the best teacher i ever had. he started a club, stayed after school, he was really making a change in the students lives. then he was fired. students @ my school protested (during school hrs) to get him back. but he wouldnt come back, a few months later our principal was fired. he was such an inspiring teacher.


    this is what i was expecting instead of the rant on tyson. i don’t have the time to read all this now mike. i put a pin in it homie i will be back to finish it up.

  • kato

    Excellent blog. Thoughtful, powerful, and VERY necessary.

    I’ve heard a lot of criticism, in the days since this tragedy, unfairly directed at people other than those responsible for this type of senseless violence in our cities.

    Most disturbing is the fact that many will continue to point fingers, while failing to LIFT a finger in an effort to bring about a solution.

    I pray that your words will prompt a movement in a more positive direction. Thank you, for sharing these thoughts, man.

  • 3rd eye clear

    I’m ready to execute your plan if you are.
    I’ll call a friend over at CNN.
    I think people have been afraid, but wanting, to organize for some time now. I talk about this with friends all the time. First thing out their mouth, “where are we going to get the money to pay for this!”
    I think by just putting the message out on a global scale is a huge step in the right direction.
    If you’re ready to go, so am I!!

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    Man I done read this 3x.

    Where are the commenter’s that always have a lot of something to say about nothing?

    All these people are home because of the mass layoffs. Go do something. keep yourself busy. Volunteer in the schools & neighborhoods. A couple of hours a week will not hurt. Hold down the blocks when the kids get out. Keep an eye out for their well being. We used to have a group of elders like that back in Bed Stuy NY called Vanguard. Keep the kids safe while the parents are @ work/hospital/appointments/shopping. Shoo away the druggies & troublemakers. Walk us right to the community center, where we could get our snax on, watch TV, or you went home because the older kids CAME AND GOT YOU.

    Unfortunately they all got older, and with the crack & drug turf war epidemic the torch was never passed.

    And I’m to blame as well. My dad was an integral part of that group, but I wanted to get paid and got a job. but I do remember them brothers had RESPECT.

    I’ma bring it up at the next community board meeting, which I am a part of where I’m at now. Even though it’s not needed in my immediate vicinity, it doesn’t mean I can’t provide the blueprint for another neighborhood to flourish.

    And that’s also something a lot of unemployed people right now can do. GET INVOLVED IN SOMETHING OR FALL VICTIM TO ANYTHING.

    What else are you doing? Worrying about $? Getting high? Watching stories? All that can wait for a little while. AND you feel better inside.

    PEACE Mike

  • these posts are racist

    Great drop Mike.

    thoreauly77, apology accepted and apology extended, i was out of order with you at times, as well.

  • trothadon

    Thanks for tha shout out..i don’t say alot of thought provoking things i usually speak from the heart..what happened to that kid was beyond savage..but what are we to expect when its normal for a 17yr old girl to have a baby and the grandmother is in her early 30′s..no dad no type of positive upbringing and since the mother is so young she resorts to screaming and being violent with them..its a sad cycle i use to see it everyday on the Marta..so what happens when that kid understands what is being yelled at they feel unloved and they search for attention be it drugs so they can buy the fly shit and get tha bad bitches or gangs so they can feel unity they were lacking at home..they either die young go to jail and or have another child to continue the cycle..nobody wants to be a leader anymore the old heads dont fuck with us cuz the get it and get tha hell on..the ones who stay dont have anything to show so why the fuck should we listen to them?..its sad man..to try to kick that positive shit aint cool they aint hearing it..what can be done????

  • Brooklyn

    this phenomena is sad, but i don’t think it can be wiped out. i know kids just like those 20-odd boys that jumped that one kid, and the ain’t trying to have no one talk to them. niggas try, the old heads that been there and done that, got strung out or locked up running the streets and are now trying to dissuade the youngsters, these kids ain’t listening. they think that they know it all and when you talk, you can look at them and tell by their body language that they’re tuning you out. sadly, it takes some extreme shit like this, an innocent kid being murked, one of their comrades getting killed, for them to rethink the lifestyles that they’ve chosen. for kids like this, you gotta start when they’re in elementary school, while they’re still impressionable and before they think that they know everything there is to know about life. and even then you have to just hope that the streets don’t overshadow what knowledge you’ve tried to drop on them.

    • $ykotic/Don McCaine

      My dude.

      Pick one of them shorty’s around you. Put them under your wing. Show them what you learned. You have a lot of knowledge that needs to be spread amongst your peers.

      Yes some tigers will not change their stripes. But that does not apply to ALL. Some want change but don’t know how or what to change.

      You can do it.

  • BlackBoy

    Where to begin… First, let me congratulate you Mike on being the FIRST rrapper to actually speak on this with heart and the words sharp enough to cut diamonds. Even through the emotion, I got the clear picture through every word and sentence, real talk.

    When I heard about this (as we all did)I couldn’t bring myself to watch it, for that you are a tougher man than I am, I guess. The next thing really got me down when the first things to happen afterwards were a school vigil (common after this sorta thing), and rapper so-and-so basically saying “violence is bad….so…stop it, mmkay?”

    You broke down what I been trying to tell anyone who would listen, the problem is WAYY bigger than how it’s portrayed. When I taught kids afterschool, I had a variety of age groups I would see in the course of a week. After while, you could pinpoint the age when they start to turn. There was this point where the innocence was gone; an EXACT time almost doen to a moment. Like all the little black boys and girls were little ticking time bombs with a date set to blow.

    It was like nobody else could see it either, the teachers, the counselors, the parents, NOBODY. That made me really fearful of the immediate world around me in some ways still with me to this day. ANYBODY READING THIS WITH KIDS OF THEIR OWN, PLEASE WATCH THEM CLOSELY AROUND 9 OR 10, CHECK IN WITH THEM CONSTANTLY AND KEEP THEM CLOSE AND WATCH THEIR FRIENDS TOO.


  • http://hotasballs.wordpress.com steezoili

    er, is it just me that thinks it’s a slight contradiction that this great piece, about peace, was written by someone who chose to call himself “killer”?

    i have no solution, beyond, don’t be violent.


    • $ykotic/Don McCaine






    • DV8

      Its called growth. He USED to be called Killer Kill then Killa Mike now its Mike Bigga. I have a feeling alot of success is coming this guys way.

  • http://1290wmcs.com The Party Killa

    Great post…. Now this is what HIPHOP artist are suppose 2do. I salute U Mike! GTRGBB

  • Beeyo

    Realest thing ever written.

  • Apollo Moses

    Bigga that’s an amazing post and I wish you could you could tell this to the kids my county. It’s sad when just about all of us can relate. I’m inspired and I feel the solutions are within reach, including those you contributed. Longtime fan of your music and you don’t disappoint as a real brother. I live in a rural area and it’s sad when most of the victims and “subjects” are most likely family. Much appreciation to those that volunteer their time to provide that support. However, common sense is something we are born with. We all have to THINK and use the sense God gave us. For some of the savage crimes committed, tried as an adult is not a call of sociopath; you can’t tell that to the victims of some families.
    Props to you though. This blog is on repeat.
    Good point from Thoreauly77, too.


    MIKE, I fully feel your pain, deeply. I have lost so many, not to just death But, Death of being incarcerated (incarcerated in the mind also). I’m a single father of 4 kids ( one of which is disabled ). I reside in South Carolina. I see so many in my neighborhood, that are fatherless. I mean, some of these fathers are incarcerated,lost in War of Politics or, streets. A lot of them just don’t want to be bothered with their own blood, that’s just heartless. So, me being the Great Father I am. I try to fill that void. I watch after 2 other kids for the single mother upstairs. Their Father wants nothing to do with them. I make sure the other kids get off the bus safely, if their mother is not home they can come over with my kids. Most of the time I’m standing outside talking to the Kids about staying focus in School, learn the history of your people, set Goals and, stick to them. I constantly tell them stay away from Gangs, Drugs, Violence, Negativity period. When I’m not in the Studio or, handling business. I’m providing positive sight for children in my neighorhood. I think a lot of Us need to take up the slack. Instead of having a selfish attitude ” I didn’t make them, their not mine”. That’s not the point, the point is we need to be strong for them, show them responsibilty. So they can be strong or Stronger. I mean whats it going to hurt?, to take them in, help them with their homework. The mothers over here, work 12hour shifts most of the time,6 to 7 days a week. So, I’ve been blessed to make my living in business. I do my part and, fill that void. I have been down that road of Drugs, Gangs, shoot outs that end tragic. I got homeboi’z who won’t see light til 2026. I was blessed not to get caught, so I lead by positive example now, be a Surpurb father, run a respectable legal business, and be their for them when no one else is. Thanks Mike, The Post was very much needed. Especially for this Generation, and the older Cats, that don’t want to take responsibilty for the actions of the future generation. Because they followed by example, we didn’t exactly provide the best example. Brother you stay Strong and, Stay Focus and, Positive. Peace & Love to everybody on the Post.

  • Miami Nigga

    Dam good post Killa Kill. I usually just read and don’t comment but I was moved by this. I am similar to you Mike bc I am college educated but I also am a product of the streets. I was an honor student in school but I started selling drugs around 16/17 yrs old. I went to college straight out of high school but by the time I was 20 I was trappin full time. I’ve done everything from home invasions to trafficking across state lines. I went back to school and got my degree at age 26 but still chose to sell drugs instead of work. The point I’m trying to make is that I was so conflicted in life bc of the way I was brought up. I was raised in the hood so I knew how to sell any type of drug u put in my hands but at the same time I had an SAT score that would have gotten me into almost any major university. I had no guidance in my life, my mother worked hard but her husband was a crack head so my home was broken. I know if I would have had 1 or 2 positive older people around me I would have never choosen that path. And I say older bc a person my age couldn’t tell me shit. I learned everything the hard way, most of my dogs have been to prison more than once and some never coming home or dead. I lucked up and never got convicted of any felonies(arrested but not convicted) and now turned my life around. The trickle down theory is in effect across the nation and we have to break the cycle. I agree that it starts in the home but the community is just as important bc u can teach your kids values but they still go to school and mingle with their friends and pick up things. So as a whole we must change and end this ignorance.

  • yahyah

    i blame the women too so much is said about black men but they are the ones popping out kids cause they want a good hair liitle doll but when they cant rasie the child we get these issues

  • D-Lo

    Im not trying to take anything killer mike said away. But i will say this. I am not black. My dad is white and my mother is puerto rican. And im sorry but om 22 years old as of today and i cant help but think killer mike is splitting hairs. im sure i sound young and hard headed buit to say friends of other races have not experinced this “injustice” is the most retarded shit ive ever heard. I spent my child hood roaming around texas with my junkie mother who couldnt provide a stable home or even a garunteed meal… Now not to excuse things i did but this is a path to destruction moving from austin to brownwood to abilene multiple homes and shelters in dfw…. i remember everything… im not black… when i was 10 years old my best friend was shot by who was later to be identified as hos cousin in the back of his head. at that point i knew i had to carry a weapon. we moved to albuquerque nm when i was 13 i had family out there most of my cousins were older but thats all i knew those of u who are familiar wit burque know of the warzone. i spent all night every night making money for my family so drug disputes murder and gang territory were a nightly and daily basis,. when i was 17 i got pulled over with 6.5 grams of crack cocaine and was sentenced to 1 year and 1 day because of my age and lawyer money. ive been shot three times and have lost more loved ones than this lil story of witnessing a few friends die and some ohthers on a youtube video will never compare to. it was me and me alone who decided to relocate and get my life together and take care of my child on my own i dont blame a village for my fall yes the streets are tough and no one knows how to fix that. but to claim that this is an african american problem only is not only ignorant but it is also a statement of self pitty and failure to take responsibility of you own actions anyones life can be hard and from what i just read killer mike if you lived my life by 22 with you lack of accepting reswponsibility u would probably be either a junkie dead or in prison and not providing a life to there family. our communities are bad because thats what the government wants they want bloods and krips to fight and tear eachother down they want gang violence to occur so they can change and mess with property values. until u realize that and see that as individuals it is up to us to man up ull always be a complainer and not a go getter. and im not gonna lie if u made that statement in front of me the old me woulda came out and u may have been on a youtube video open ur eyes take a trip to cuba pr nicaragua maybe u will see this is life get over it…. ur right its messed up but u know what quit blaming things on ur race it is what it is i fit a “black rapper” and im not black. dont get off on some racist shit either u internet merds cuz most of my gorillas are black and my child is 1/4 black all im sayin is this is life stop crying bout what u cant change and see this is not some big conspisracy no more its 2009 this is what bush created….. get out of the past and dont ever say that we dont struggle

    • BlackBoy

      …I don’t think his point was that this was a “black people problem” I think he was addressing the way black people SPECIFICALLY handle their “problem”… as in trying to pinpoint the reasons WE react this way… I don’t see where he said crime and poverty were ONLY black people problems, I think he was just pointing out how it affected him PERSONALLY and what he feels needs to be DONE about it.

      I don’t see where he blamed his RACE either, and I thought this was about A SOLUTION (or solutions) to the problem that would help us all… not just playing “who’s had it worse”.

  • Mike Bigga formerly Killer Mike 4the homie Steezoili

    @ Steezoili

    Killer Mike was not a chose i earned that name on a series of battles called green lites in Atlanta. That name was given to me By a D.J for my ferocious style and aggression when i battle.

    I how ever did Recently and Publicly change My Name to Mike Bigga. I hope that will satisfy any uneasiness that you may have had in regards to the plain and simple truth of my words based on a “rap name”.


  • Gerv

    That’s the realest post I read on this site ever.XXL better keep you cause you spit the real and not that BS we used to reading everyday.

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    To all.

    Please don’t let this post die here. Take the initiative and make this a reality wherever you reside. We need you to do that. Believe when I say I will strive to do better for others who aren’t as fortunate as myself to even make them smile and have better thoughts of life.

    And to the others that I KNOW who are constantly on XXL and didn’t push this post to higher #’s, SHAME ON YOU. AUTOMATIC FAIL ON YOUR PART. THIS IS REALITY, NOT PROMO OR GOSSIP.



  • ms thang

    please keep mike on the blogs. this is the best post i’ve ever read. its so refreshing to hear from somebody who actually cares about the community instead of making light of the predicaments that we as blacks find ourselves in a lot of times

  • chillin mayne

    100 percent realness, i agree with errthang you said mike…this post is so on point, we got to step up…theres power in prayer, in case yall werent aware…

  • Brass Tacks

    Nobody wants to take ownership for the stupid shit we get ourselves into… We must be the only group I know that will kill “OURSELVES” just to prove a point… we’re too hard to walk away.. then again if you turn your back on a nig you might get jumped or hit with something foreign… But its cool as long as we’re draped up, iced out, and clean as hell:( fuck school its like being in jail… Bitches don’t want to fuck with a nig when he in his school books… But let him be the hardest nig in (Any hood, USA) and suddenly that’s enough juice to get some snatch for the rest of the school year… We all play the roles and then want to look retarded w/ blank stares when shuit comes crashing down… fake preachers and teachers is my name for em…. myself as well….

  • giantstepp

    Good drop Bigga! This is how to respect that tragedy that happened to the young brother in the Chi. Your words are truely felt Mike, it’s appreciated. Bol, take notice and show some respect to the dead. Especially those that deserve it. TPAR was dead on about the disrespect shown by Bol to Derrion Albert. Alot were silent, or showed an indifference to this, but i AM ENCOURAGED by the number of positive responses from Mike’s drop. TPAR, you were right bruh!!!

  • Brass Tacks

    Nobody wants to take ownership for the stupid shit we get ourselves into… We must be the only group I know that will kill “OURSELVES” just to prove a point… we’re too hard to walk away.. then again if you turn your back on a nig you might get jumped or hit with something foreign… But its cool as long as we’re draped up, iced out, and clean as hell:( fuck school its like being in jail… Bitches don’t want to fuck with a nig when he in his school books… But let him be the hardest nig in (Any hood, USA) and suddenly that’s enough juice to get some snatch for the rest of the school year… We all play the roles and then want to look retarded w/ blank stares when shit comes crashing down coupled w/ the ignorance/laziness of our deadbeat dads who can always come up with excuses for being the epitome of disappointments… fake preachers and teachers is my name for em…. myself as well…

  • Master Cheef

    great post, mike. don’t worry too much about how long someone says each part of the written assignment should be. even though the intro was long, it was necessary; and sometimes rules have to be broken to get out all that you gotta say. I’m already seeing improvement in the punctuation and grammar areas, so keep up the good work.

    I hope it’s what it looks like and you’re here to stay.

    How to stop violence? needs to be enough weed and pussy for everybody. if these kids woulda been balls deep in some hoo-er and smoking a blunt, i can assure you that beating an honor student to death with a piece of lumber would’ve been the farthest thing from their mind.

    the same thing with that chinaman that shot up virginia tech. a couple of years ago, all these violent motherfuckers are broke and therefore not getting any.

    • tronthadon

      Lmao funny post but if that happened wouldnt tha women get pregent? that will only make the cycle even bigger

  • caino

    Fantastic Post !!! Yo Mile, put ya mic down, and pick up the campaign trail, l think the USA would become more respected all round if people heard you speak on a global scale!

    on a side note, the music l love (hiphop) has contributed to this decay and violence by highlighting the bling bling, and ‘gangsta’ living, at the same time trying to discourage and promote education through several rappers.

  • P. Harris

    Not ever a post I read and I just don’t have a comment because it was just too real…

    but this is one…

    Good drop Mike

  • Curtis75Black

    Thoroughly written. Well thought out piece.

  • dj2morrow

    I like that you really know your history and the effects that still has on things going on now. I also liked that you put it in a personal way and explained things that happened to you and how it affected you. Its just I see alot of this is about saving people and you cant save anyone.

    Its like if you grew up in a house where your parents are doing drugs or you have family members that are doing things that they shouldnt be doing and get in trouble with the law. You cant live anyone elses life and this usually is a problem from growing up in a household where they were people with problems and as a kid it affected you psychologically thinking about trying to save them.

    Change is only going to come from the people who want to change. You cant go around changing things because in the end people are going to do what they want to do. Also some people need to make mistakes before they can see what they did wrong. I could understand the act of wanting to help people but in the end things are only going to happen if they are going to happen. That saying you cant make something happened that isnt going to happen.

    The sad truth is this is just going to be another day and thats why we need to take the steps to change things over time. Nothing is going to last if it just happens over night.

  • Anonymous

    My heart goes out to the children who have been let down by the people in there lives. We must come together and love our children and raise them up. I live outside of Chicago and it is always killing going on no one seems to care. WE MUST COME TOGETHER AND PUT OUR HEADS TOGETHER AND THINK OF A WAY TO BRING PEACE IN OUR CHILDREN LIVES BEFORE THERE ARE NO MORE CHILDREN LEFT. THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS WE NEED MORE PEOPLE THAT IS WILLING TO STAND UP FOR THE RIGHT THINGS.