Where do the ducks go in winter, Diddy?

I tried avoiding the video for “Angels” by Diddy’s new group Dirty Money, but I couldn’t. Every time I went to World Star, to see if they had any good new cam hoo-er clips, which I do every now and again, it would auto play. (I wonder how much Diddy paid them for that.) It’s a good thing I don’t have a job where I can’t accidentally listen to rap music. Come to think of it, I should probably be listening to rap music anyway.

Of course, every time the video for “Angels” would start to play, I’d scroll up to the top of the screen and shut it off, lest I had to listen to some shit produced by Diddy. But one time I was, um, distracted, and I ended up letting the shit ride, and, wouldn’t you know, Biggie Smalls started rapping. For a minute there, I thought it might be a new verse, or they found some way to reanimate Biggie’s corpse (you know Diddy’s got a team of scientists on the case), but then I realized it was just one of his vocals from Life After Death. It’s been such a long time since I listened to that album, I’m not even sure which one it was.

According to the banner ad right next to the video, not to mention the commercial tacked on to the end of it, “Angels” is essentially a ad for Ciroc vodka. Which got me to thinking: how in the fuck is Diddy gonna have Biggie doing vodka commercials, when he isn’t even alive? I mean, I’m sure Diddy didn’t break any laws in the creation of “Angels.” I know, because I saw it in that Junior Mafia DVD that once came on pay cable back in like 2006, that Diddy owns Biggie’s publishing. Biggie sold it to him for $200,000 during a moment of financial desperation in 1996. But still. It’s one thing to cheat the guy out of untold millions of dollars, but it’s another thing to have him shilling for products in perpetuity, as if he was on Tag Records.

Speaking of dead people who scored a big payday, one of the other big music stories this week is the release of those Beatles remasters (which I might have to block out some time this afternoon to DL) and the Beatles: Rock Band. One of the great untold stories of the Beatles, and music in general, is the fact that the guy who shot and killed John Lennon wasn’t just some nutjob trying to score with Jodie Foster, like the guy who shot (and failed to kill – doh!) Ronald Reagan. He was a serious fan of John Lennon’s music, who grew disillusioned when he realized that song “Imagine” was bullshit. Like Barack Obama, John Lennon wasn’t really a socialist – he was getting chauffeured around New York in a Rolls Royce and kicking it in clubs where regular people weren’t allowed to enter. Just like Diddy, actually.

The dead giveaway was the fact that, when the shit went down, he was clutching a copy of the Catcher in the Rye, a book about a guy who spent a weekend in New York calling out phonies. He obviously did this as a sign of the real reason he did what he did, regardless of how the media tried to spin it. When the case went to trial, they tried to force him to plead not guilty by reason of insanity, but he insisted on pleading guilty of second degree murder. He knew exactly what he did and why he did it. He ended up being sentenced to 20 years to life. He’s been eligible for parole for a while now, but Yoko Ono keeps lobbying to have him denied. She probably paid off a few judges. In the past 30 years, she’s made an absolute mint off John Lennon’s corpse, none of which she’s been willing to share with John Lennon’s white son, the one who had a song out back in the mid ’80s. (This was all detailed in one of the better episodes of VH1′s Behind the Music.)

I can only imagine how much Yoko is about to make from the Beatles: Rock Band. Each copy costs $150 – $250 for the special edition, which comes with a fancier-looking plastic guitar, and a drum kit that says Beatles on it. With the money she’s about to make, she can afford to be chauffeured around New York in a Maybach powered by an African baby’s tears. Mark David Chapman must be in the joint sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market. It’s no wonder Yoko doesn’t want him to get out.

But at least it sounds like this Beatles game was tastefully done. There was a big story in the Times magazine the other day about all of the work that went into getting the Beatles: Rock Band just right. Yoko Ono herself and George Harrison’s widow were brought in to make sure John and George’s mannerisms were just right, since obviously it would have been difficult to bring them in for motion cap. And there’s only so much you’re allowed to do with the Beatles music. You can’t make the crowd boo at the Beatles, if you fuck a song up bad enough, and you can’t add any extra notes to George Harrison’s guitar solos, even if they could use it.

The new Guitar Hero, meanwhile, has Kurt Cobain looking like a damn fool. The other day, someone posted a video of how you can have doing Flavor Flav’s parts in Public Enemy songs, and – even worse – a song by motherfucking Bon Jovi. I was checking Twitter this morning, looking for irrelevant bullshit I could write about today, and I saw where she went off on the makers of Guitar Hero 5. She’s threatening to sue, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a leg to stand on, legally. She got Kurt Cobain’s publishing when he died, and, as I recall, she talked some judged into giving her carte blanche with Nirvana’s catalog, despite the other two guys, because Kurt wrote all but two of their songs. But then she smoked up all of her money and ended up selling it to a company that licenses music for use in commercials and what have you. The TIs could probably Kurt Cobain on TV talking about how, even though he’s got this hole in his head, he just saved a bunch of money by switching his car insurance to Geico – and there wouldn’t be a damn thing she could do about it.

In the years since John Lennon’s death, people who heed the message of the Catcher in the Rye have been portrayed in the media as batshit, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a conscious effort by the TIs to lull people into accepting this level of commercialization in music. For example, there was that movie about a crazy guy who carries around a copy of the Catcher in the Rye, starring Mel Gibson, who might actually be the anti-christ. But what’s so crazy about calling out a phony, when you see one? I’m not saying Mark David Chapman should have popped a cap in John Lennon’s ass. I’m just saying. One day John Lennon lets some crazy Chinese woman convince him to sacrifice his values, and the next thing you know, the only people making money in the music business are digital avatars of dead people.

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    Diddy raping people for their publishing is nothing new. EVERY single artist on Bad Boy has said that they got ripped off…it just depends how badly or how hard they were willing to fight for it.

    I guess The LOX are hoping for a different result this time around?

    And for the record, Catcher In The Rye is the shit!

    • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

      Yessir, that was one of my favorite books to read in high school

  • macdatruest

    Bol is on drugs….I gotta go to work now. Pierzy!!!! beeeeiiitches.

  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    Funny ass shit Bol. But pussy does not smell like fish. Depending on the level of “skankery” It can be much, much worse…

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

      Cosign.

      Even the cleanest of ‘tang’s still smells like ‘tang.

  • Che

    Lennon is the greatest Beatle by far. Chapman, on the other hand was just a fat ass groupie hater. I guess that’s why you like him.

  • General

    Yoko Ono may just be the most hated person in rock music by people over 50…

    I can’t but help to laugh everytime I hear about these cats from Bad Boy complaining about their publishing. Thats what happens when your after that quick money instead of takin the long term approach to see some real money

  • latino heat

    what gets me is that people still sign with Puff in the 1st place. we all know he has been taking advantage of all his artists since the early 90′s. yet people still literally stand in line to get a shot at being raped by this dude. these aspiring “artists” need to do there homework before they wonder how they ended up broke and homeless like those 2 girls left from Danity Kane.

    • thaFace

      Co-sign

      just like boxers that still sign with Don King and yes I comparing Puff to Don King

  • these posts are racist

    I’m missing the Point(s). Please help me here…

    • $ykotic/Don McCaine

      Getting paid off of dead people’s music/publishing.

  • hate

    “With the money she’s about to make, she can afford to be chauffeured around New York in a Maybach powered by an African baby’s tears. Mark David Chapman must be in the joint sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.”

    you funny today bol. good post

  • Worley

    I’m not f*cking with WSHH for a week behind that bullsh*t Dirty Money autoplay. I don’t want to hear nothing involving Diddy.

  • http://www.sylermusic.com Syler

    “Mark David Chapman must be in the joint sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.”

    Uh Maze Ing

    • HNIC

      BRILLIANT!

  • ChinCheka

    Damn that was some shit.

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    DON’T FORGET A LOT OF THIS NEW “BEATLEMANIA” IS BECAUSE OF MICHEAL JACKSON.

    “Watch the greed of men x10″-$ykotic

    • capcobra

      co-sign champ.

  • http://xxlmag.com Ben

    Damn BOL great post, I agree what the fuck with Kurt Kobain in a video game?

  • Yaw

    Not to sound ignorant, but I read your blog thinking it would be mainly about Diddy, not The Beatles, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain etc.

  • these posts are racist

    Byron,

    So who should profit off of the work of the dead? It exists. If there is a market out there/money to be made…why should the owners of these rights to these dead artists music not profit?

  • http://www.myspace.com/junclassic junclassic

    Dug this piece fam. Didnt know about John Lennon’s killer actually killing sunn sunn cause he felt John lennon was fronting.

    Puff coppin Big’s publishing. Why wouldnt he have broken off Big moms with it?

    Cause Puff is the devil like Mark Curry said…

    I feel sorry for Dawn. That girl is talented.

    Maybe Diddy will treat her right…

    Da Band folk should do a DVD about puff. Bet it would sell…

  • sealsaa

    “With the money she’s about to make, she can afford to be chauffeured around New York in a Maybach powered by an African baby’s tears”

    “The TIs could probably Kurt Cobain on TV talking about how, even though he’s got this hole in his head, he just saved a bunch of money by switching his car insurance to Geico”

    Classic shit.

    @Pierzy

    Pretention! Catcher in the rye was OK at best. Read Hell House by Richard Matheson. That book had me so shook, I actually broke down and slept in the same bed with my wife.

  • http://daily-math.com/weblog/ Combat Jack

    “Mark David Chapman must be in the joint sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.”

    Uhm. Wow.

  • fatDAN

    I always knew diddy was a fucking slimeball.
    Who gives a fuck about Kurt Cobain.
    Chapman is a psycho.
    Yoko did fuck up the beatles, just like Tila Tequila fucken with my CHARGERS!!!!!!
    Holy fuck, that shit about the maybach, ZING!!!
    YOWZA!!!!!!!!!!!POW!!!!!!!!!

  • caino

    Classic drop Bol,

    Everyone knows Diddy, rips people off and fucks up their careers (shyne anyone??).

    Anyho, is is just me that actually cant stand the beatles?? Dont get me wrong l understand the music etc and how some of its not to bad (a bit music by numbers by hey who am l to argue) l think l hate them due to the smugness of Paul McCartney but l’ll just Let it Be !! (lol)

  • Brooklyn

    yoko ono knew what she was doing, that’s one smart asian bitch. she snags one of the most popular members of the most popular rock band of the time, convinces him to break out, and then after he dies she’s set for life off the money he made. but anyway, i don’t think there was ever an artist that did business with diddy and didn’t get burned. mary j, faith evans, 112, shyne, biggie, danity kane…the list goes on and on. nevertheless, people know that diddy is a star maker (no pun intended) and they hope that for that fleeting moment they can be a celebrity and make tons of dough. he fucked over the aforementioned artists, but most of them have created solid fan bases and can still push numbers if they put out an album. also, i always did feel that the beatles were a little overrated. i mean, i respect their hustle and their grind, how they worked hard to get to where they were, but they owed a lot of their success to contemporary black artists.

  • BIGNAT

    “I thought it might be a new verse, or they found some way to reanimate Biggie’s corpse (you know Diddy’s got a team of scientists on the case)” wtf the bol that is cold

    “The TIs could probably Kurt Cobain on TV talking about how, even though he’s got this hole in his head, he just saved a bunch of money by switching his car insurance to Geico”
    that would be funny as hell