As we observed last time in "The Legend of John Budden", has unearthed and compiled the fuckeries of sworn enemies Joe Budden and Saigon. UStream’s Jumpoff King and The Greatest Rapper You've Stopped Holding Your Breath For make a neat little Ghostface sandwich in this week’s installment of Mahhhhsterpiece Theatre.

Only Ghostface can make a face-in-the-pissy-fifth-step doggystyle raiing of Natalie Portman sound so sweet and innocent. I guess that’s why he’s The Wizard of Poetry.

But, I digress.

"I'm signed to the biggest agency in history called William Morris. They send me scripts every day, and I don't even read 'em, because it's something that fell in my lap. They jumped on my dick, and that's not my thing. My thing is getting 'The Greatest Story Never Told' out. Me and Just Blaze, we went in the studio we worked, we worked hard on this album. It's the best album ever, probably. Not only just for hip-hop, for black people, man. It's like the Bible, something everybody should have."

-Saigon, EweToube via

I remember first hearing “Stocking Cap” and feeling like I’d be a Saigon fan for life. A couple dope malbums [mixtape/album] later and a Just Blaze signing later, Saigon looks like he’s ready to cut a slightly less than penis-sized hole in hip-hop’s water-resistant vinyl mattress and get to fucking the shit out of it.

[Blogger's Note: Mad malbums--such as Warning Shots 2 (and probably 3, 4, 5... etc.)--come out on Amalbum Digital, baby! That kinda makes Saigon and Joe Budden labelmates, doesn't it?]

Never once did I think Saigon was working on The Bible for black people! That’s kinda genius, actually. I've learned from Tyler Perry that black people will fux with anything containing biblical overtones, even if it's stupid as fuck. Plus, the nigga who started painting white Jesus all brown on the stained glass windows for the Baptist churches must be caked the fuck up, right?

Seriously, though. This Saigon nigga might have taken one too many tokes Marburying out on the toilet paper tube steamroller. Stay away from that thing, children! Clearly, too many combusted shit particles can give you delusions of grandeur—including the delusion that putting your mouth on a toilet paper roll  exposed to 2000 flushes is a good idea.

Plus, if you need to smoke weed that badly whereas you can't wait for the store to open and get some papers... I don't even need to tell you. Check yourself, my nigga.

I’ve never been more convinced that Saigon is feeling the desperation. If he doesn’t feel it, someone should make him aware that he reeks of the shit. As if being the bottom-rung, most ignored nigga at William Morris is something to brag about. Nigga, who ain’t? I’m on their roster too. You might have seen me in that new watermelon soda commercial. You don’t hear me gushing about ignoring opportunities to be a token negro [pronounced: mugger/rapist] on CSI: NY, do you?

It’s not like Saigon had a problem being a token on Entourage. He clearly read those scripts. Now we’re supposed to believe he’s got stacks of acting opportunities just sitting there, pissing his high-powered agent off while he’s got absolutely nothing going on musically? A nigga would know better than to do that from watching Entourage, let alone working on it.

Nigga. I’m a grown ass man. You can’t look me in the face and hand me that bullshit.

Silly-ass updates like these make me believe Saigon and Justin Blaze haven’t even started on The Greatest Story Never Getting Told, whose working title has since been changed from The Most Anticipated Rap Album of 2006. I officially stopped holding my breath sometime last year when Sai-gitty made it clear that there was zero progress to speak of.

Aspiring rapsters, take note. Just be quiet when there’s zero progress to speak of. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself AND not have any music. After a while, you’ll only be remembered as the spectacle—and not the musician.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Need a connection to William Morris? I can email you one.

Oh, yeah. And don’t jump into movies just because they’re there either. I know niggas be broke at the moment, but the real career you actually love will thank you for not doing Leprechaun 12. Trust me.

[Blogger’s Note: Peep the “they’re” “there” differentiation. I know, right?!]