Lauren Raysor, the lawyer responsible for putting Bronx rapper Remy Ma behind bars, is asking record companies to put a “morality clause” in their artists’s contracts.”

Elan Mancini,

Before we go any further, I must hand out our first NP to this writer. Lawyers don’t put people behind bars, nigga. One’s criminal actions and/or a jury of his or her own so-called peers do that. Insinuating that this Lauren Raysor character is responsible for Remy doing 8 in the box is a cheap attempt at sensationalism, which might have been effective if anyone other than the alphabetical skeleton key man sympathized with Remy.

Also, private lawyers have no part in locking people up. They just “represent” people by hanging around and trying to work out a little change somehow down the road in civil court. Freddy Kreuger-lookin-ass Robert Morgenthau at the Manhattan District Attorney’s office handled Remy’s criminal case.

TPAR, stop me if I’m reaching here.

[Blogger’s Note: What the fuck would I know? I’m just a blogger who writes blogger’s notes, right?]

Within this responsible piece of journalism on a higher level lies a greater evil. You would think a personal injury/civil rights/divorce/is-the-black-person-in-that-ambulance-wearing-a-wedding-band? lawyer like Lauren Raysor might be satisfied with a victory in such a high profile case. Raysor wants to take this shit 12 steps beyond C. Delores Fucker and Calvin Butts by seeking a universal “morality clause” for recording contracts.

Translation: This bitch really wanna be on TV.

I don’t know the specifics of this proposed clause, but Raysor’s spokesperson—whom you’ve probably seen during Maury show commercial breaks—suggests that they would be “a way to show [recording artists] that there are consequences to their actions.”

First of all, the consequences of signing to a record label include being broke enough to wanna kill a bitch over $300. Secondly, the wages of crime is punishment. Atlantic Records or whoever doesn’t have to reaffirm as much in the intentionally confusing fine print of a slavery contract.

[Blogger’s Note: I don’t need a joke for Calvin Butts’ name. The nigga's name is "Butts."]

Quelling my growing curiosity, Raysor’s spokesperson also says the part-time motivational speaker “will have visuals explaining what the morality clause entails, as well as a 12-foot-long timeline chronicling violent incidents involving rap and hip-hop artists.”

You gotta love how her spokesperson says they want this morality clause for all recording artists, but is only bring rap stories to the table.

I’m surprised record executives are giving Raysor the time of day. She must have told them she’s representing Drake or some shit. I hope Sotoraysor gets the full monty of “WTF” looks she’s begging for by wasting these important mens’ [see: Barbara Norton] time with her posterboard bullshit. If Raysor really wanted to drive home a point about musicians disregarding authority, she’d walk into that meeting with a copy of Nashville Babylon. Country sangers been had violence and crime. They shit all over the rapsters. Sharing their stories would be more effective than treating this audience like her usual crop of downtrodded hoodrats she games out of their last few dollars.

[Blogger’s Note: Never give a motivational speaker your money. If you feel the need to blow through some paper to feel better about yourself, just give me like… half of what you’d give this fake-ass Sotomayor. I’ll set your shit hella straight.]

Not only is incorporating a morality clause into a contract with a company intent on selling immorality as entertainment ridiculous, it’s also placing the effort in the wrong place. If a nigga murders his homegirl, I don’t go to the Burger King he worked at demanding they make sure their burger flippers and fry droppers know the difference between legal and illegal activities.

But then again, I’m not trying to get a little shine for my fledgling Wal-Mart legal practice.

[Blogger’s Note: What the fuck would I know? I’m just a blogger who writes blogger’s notes, right?]

Questions? Comments? Requests? I’d love to see those illustrations.