Child Soulja of Fortune

“I know America probably ain’t ready for a young black rich n*gga running around doing it how he had it planned since he was little. But i’m from the hood! This is all I know! All I grew up seeing was diamondz, money, drugs, fightin, shootin, dancing, basketball and football. real n*gga shit that’s all I was around while I grew up! I don’t know sh*t else!

I got signed when I was 16 and it took me away from that environment and put me on a whole other level that blew my mind. I’ve traveled all across the world and seen some AMAZING MIND BLOWING THINGS. But I can’t run from my past I can’t act like i’m something i’m not! I only can be what I know and be who I am WHICH IS ME. A young n*gga who was born in Southside Chicago moved to ATL and went to high school in Mississippi. NEVER stayed in a good neighborhood my whole life until after I got signed!

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em, SouljaBoyTellEm.com (via TheRundown.tv)

and, of course…

“When I was 9 years old/ I put it in my head I’mma die for this gold.”

–Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em, “Turn My Swag On”

Did Soulja Boy say he doesn’t know shit else? Really? I would have thought… Hmmm…

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em is one of contemporary music’s great coons. Sadly, his rampant and pervasive iCoonery is fueled by an idolatry instilled in him back when he was but a wee marmoset. Despite the terrible things that have happened to him—such as surviving a home invasion and an apparent online breakdown—the youngster still seems to find no greater joy than conducting his delightful displays of niggerishness. Soulja Boy’s most recent jewelry unveiling and commemorative parking lot donut session are just the latest in a lengthy series of public praise to the slave masters printed on legal tender.

Yesterday, Soulja Boy lashed out at those fed up with his “Rich Nigga Shit”, namely a Negro Channel blogger with whom he can spar on an even literary plane. Whether Soulja wants to be a positive role model is neither here nor there. But Soulja seems genuinely hurt and confused by the public’s perception of his life. Strangely enough, this is a perception he’s captured, edited, posted and live-streamed himself. When I tweet shit like “THEY SHOULDA NEVER GAVE YOU NIGGAS USTREAM”, it’s not because I hate niggas having nice things or whatever. It’s for a nigga’s own good.

No one’s forcing cameras into Soulja Boy’s living rooms, bedrooms, game rooms, hotel rooms and daytime donut parking lots. On the same coin, Soulja’s not making an effort to show the world that he’s more than a high priced whore who works for expensive trinkets. However, even if he did, the type of sites he frequents probably wouldn’t be interested in watching him hand out turkeys. But, at least he’d have balance on his own YouTube channel, website or wherever his incessant coonery stream comes from.

–Not that people should be doing good deeds for recognition or anything, but the kid obviously loses sleep over what people think of him, so…

If you let Soulja Boy tell it, he’s just a lil’ nigga doing the nigga shit niggas see other niggas doing and grow up wanting to do themselves. This inexplicably causes niggas that ain’t Soulja Boy to be hatin-ass niggas, robbin-ass niggas and overly-critical of little niggas ass-niggas. Unfortunately, despite having done some traveling and charitable deeds, he believes he is confined to and permanently defined by the “diamondz, money, drugs, fightin, shootin, dancing, basketball and football” pervasive in the environments of his youthiest youth. (I wish I made that quote up). Perhaps he doesn’t see any more for himself because he’s distracted by the tattoos and ice and shit. Soulja Boy is cheating himself out of a chance at maturing into a complete person by limiting himself to the various peaks of “nigga shit” he saw growing up.

I put a lot of ridiculous shit into my mind when I was 9 years old too. Most of it involved a pact to never rest until I discovered how to obtain healing factor and adamantium claws. Some shit you instill into your own mind at age 9 needs to be rethought.

I love how Soulja Boy seems to be fully aware that he’s doing dumb shit, but thinks he should be absolved of responsibility because he’s 19. As a young lady sold into underage marital slavery once told me, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” You understand shit when you understand it. You’re then held accountable for what you know. This little nigga knows better. Don’t let the chicken dances and Southern drawl fool you up-top niggas. That’s how they catch you slippin in the Bojangles parking lot.

[Blogger’s Note: Southern niggas ain’t slow. Nigga tried to play me.]

Soulja Boy claims the remote control Lamborghini chain causing such a stir is a gift from his jeweler. Whether he bought the piece of shit or not is irrelevant. Apparently, it’s just what he always wanted. For a jeweler to give someone such a gift, the recipient has to have bought an incredible amount of astoundingly niggerish pieces. Soulja likely fails to realize how the necklace brilliantly combines exposing both idol worship and childhood naiveté. It’s like giving Sambo a slice of watermelon and waiting with a video camera for the imbecilic reaction. As usual, Soulja Boy does not disappoint.

What do you get the junior shine lord who has everything?

This is what happens when a nigga lives for money. Surely, a man should be paid for his work and craft. If he’s paid handsomely, that’s all the better. But when a man lives for money itself, he practices a form of idolatry that erodes character. He then becomes a sock puppet for whoever’s in control of the money tap.

[Blogger’s Note: Shame on you readers who believe any action or behavior is justified by monetary compensation. Hopefully someone offers to pay you to kill yourself one day.]

If Soulja Boy’s not worried about frivolous, antagonistic displays of wealth–that may or may not be real–causing niggas to run up in houses with machine guns in pursuit of Scrooge McDuck money bins, maybe he won’t find peace until after his dishonorable discharge from the paper army. Once the checks stop coming in and the Lamborghinis start getting carried out of the garage, people tend to find their true selves and greater purpose.

Or, maybe a child soldier’s life is just fucked from jump.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Coca leaf and Preparation-H? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • geico lizard

    Michael Phelps keeps using that,”Im young and I make mistakes” excuse. Jay-z called himself,”Young Hov” well into his fifties so Soulja Boy will keep using his age as an excuse until he is tried as an adult and a judge sends him upstate.

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    “Scrooge McDuck money bins”

    HAHAHA

    As we speak, Soulja Boy is filling a dumpster full of quarters so he can swim in it, get a mouth full of change and spit it out like a fountain.

    Awful!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      ^^^lmao!

      Is that “Ducktales”?

      • BIGNAT

        yes it is grand that was my joint when i was little

    • P. Harris

      A yo, no lie… Ducktales was the shit… I used to watch that shit every damn day… LOL…

      • that nigga

        Ducktales was the shit. If they had Those type of cartoons when Soulja Boy was growin up maybe he’d be a different person? No wait, maybe watchin Ducktales woulda made him worse? Ah fuck it!

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    rob me once..shame on me, rob me twice I’m soulja boy.*sings* “glock put to my heaaaaadd..by cats wit’ mask ooonn…AWWW they want the mone-eyy…awww”

    • http://happynappyhead.com Seattle Slim

      *bodied*

  • http://dasteamwerkmusik.blogspot.com Bollocks

    Once again, RON MEXICO KILLS IT. And once again, it’ll probably sail right over the heads of those that need to read it.

    Classic:
    “As a young lady sold into underage marital slavery once told me, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.””

    “Shame on you readers who believe any action or behavior is justified by monetary compensation. Hopefully someone offers to pay you to kill yourself one day.”

    aaahahahahahhahaha…..

  • http://happynappyhead.com Seattle Slim

    You broke this shit down THOROUGHLY. What’s more is this kid is crying out for help, obviously. He is certainly lonely this is why he finds solace in trinkets.

    What’s sad is I bet he knows his end is near, so he is trying to enjoy it the best way he knows how…

  • Curtis75Black

    Heavy D’s Heavy 4 finger ring, LL’s LL Cool J 4 finger ring, Big Daddy Kane’s truck Jewels, Slick Rick’s jewels, Eric B & Rakim’s jewels, Ice T’s gold gun hanging off his gold chain – this shit is nothing new !! We idolized those emcee’s coming up when we was younger and didn’t give a fuck how they spent their money. All we cared about was the music. The reason this little boy causes such a stir is that we’re older now and have bills to pay !! So we are looking at him from an adults perspective, the same thing our parents did with our Veteran emcees and we looked at THEM like they was hating !! The jewels will dissapear soon enough when he realizes it’s not worth it. The Hip Hop or Rock & Roll Hall of Fame will have that Black Lamb Chain later on, trust me.

    • El Tico Loco

      Heavy D’s Heavy 4 finger ring, LL’s LL Cool J 4 finger ring, Big Daddy Kane’s truck Jewels, Slick Rick’s jewels, Eric B & Rakim’s jewels, Ice T’s gold gun hanging off his gold chain – this shit is nothing new !!
      —————————–
      Big difference dude there were jewels being dropped not just dripped, and skills matched the shines so if you dropping hot music do what you want with the money. Don’t have us wondering who buying this crap and you getting rich.

      • Curtis75Black

        Big difference dude there were jewels being dropped not just dripped, and skills matched the shines so if you dropping hot music do what you want with the money. Don’t have us wondering who buying this crap and you getting rich. – EL Tico Loco

        True enough, skills were matched but this is a different era than what we came up in. We had a whole bunch of rappers grilling the camera lens just 5- 7 years ago that I wasn’t to fond of but their money wasn’t an issue. We know how Soulja came up and he’s wack as Hell but he made his money, so it really doesn’t matter.

    • P. Harris

      yeah, but when slick rick or Eric B. and Rakim dropped a song they weren’t rapping about the chain, the car, my swag, my cash, they dropped real music…

      • Curtis75Black

        ‘Picture a mic, the stage is empty
        A beat like this might tempt me
        To pose, show my rings and my fat gold chain’

        ‘I got soul (you got it) that’s why I came
        To teach those who can’t say my name
        First of all, I’m the soloist, the soul controller
        Rakim gets stronger as I get older
        Constant elevation causes expansion
        I write my rhyme while( ‘I cool in my mansion)’

        Just to make it clear, by no means am I condoning Soulja Boy’s lack of lyrical skill – he is wack and should be ashamed of himself but look at it this way, he does have a point, at 19 being born in 1990, he was still diapers running around when our classics were being dropped ! The same thing goes for alot of ya’ll so called Hip Hop aficionado’s, frontin’ just because Nas, Jay, Pac and Big is in your Top 5 makes you legit !!

  • Worley

    The funniest part is the Lambo’s wheels ain’t even smokin’ so it looks like he’s driving in circles for no reason.

    And who’s that n*gga at the beginning holding up the car like we couldn’t see it? Must be the same dude gripping Marbury’s shoulders. Nasty.

  • http://happynappyhead.com Seattle Slim

    But an iced out toy car? Yes, part of it is from an adult lense, but a great part of it is coming from having a brain in our heads. This shit wouldn’t have been cool in my teens. It’s just stupid. And if any of my kids thought it was cool, I’d lobotimize them my damned self…

    • Curtis75Black

      I seen the video yesterday afterwork and laughed my ass off thinking ‘who comes up with this shit ?’ I immediatly thought about Flavor Flav with his foolish ass back in the days and could help but smile and see the similarity. When we was younger, we always talked about what we’ll do of we win the lottery, talking all types of shit, the hottest cars, biggest house. We know now we won’t go there. Lucky if we tell someone !! Point is, let this boy be a boy until he decides. To become a man. He’ll see the light soon enough, hopefully anyway.

  • latino heat

    good points by both Ron and Curtis75Black.

    on another topic though. SouljahBitch can’t swing that Lambo for shit. bring that thing to the Bay Area homie. we’ll show you how to make that thing go sideways.

  • what in the doodle

    I really don’t see what everyone’s problem is with soulja boy. The man is doing what he wants, he makes dance music. Who gives a damn what he spends his money on? If i had a tontillion dollars i’d be buying chains with big ass erect cocks with my name on them and all kinds of useless trash

  • http://www.obeseamerica.com sankofa

    For someone whose second album flopped, he sure has a lot of shiny things. Absolution comes from wandering the path more traveled.

    Homie, yo I’m truly vexed.

  • Stan-Layy

    Dawg, once you reach a certain age, it’s like F#$k what you saw growing up. What we saw growing up was some BS, and the main reason why we become rappers or anything else to make a living that doesn’t involve death or penitentiary chances

  • Curtis75Black

    ‘Vanilla sold seven million copies of some shit that was wack
    He can wrap, his lips around a big black cock
    He needs no more press, let me stop !!’ – Chubb Rock
    Kick em in the Grill
    Third Bass
    It’s time to take the advice – stop writing and talking about this fool and he’ll ride off into the sunset with his Ice out remote control car.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    “…a wee marmoset.” Class is in session again, Mex.

    As with most unstable, obviously touchdown child stars, I wonder, where are his parents? I’d hate to think that because he can afford the best wigs in Atlanta for his mom, & all the Johnny Walker money can buy for his pops, that they treat him like the king of Zumunda & let him run loose with the real-life tigers & lions.

    I guess parental guidance & tutoledge stop when you pay their bills. The bad things is, like with Wayne, kids aspire to reach these lowlights of high living. SB doesn’t even try to hide his nigganometry with a “Kids, stay in school” or “Read a book, y’all”.

    It’s almost not even funny. Gary Coleman, Danny Bonaduce & Todd Willis really should intervene here, before he Dana Plato’s himself.

  • Dallas Penn

    Class mother effin sick

  • 1hunid

    *round of applause* No comment necessary for that breakdown.

  • capcobra

    good shit..now all we need is this sock puppet to read it.

  • giantstepp

    Keep your foot in his azz Mex!

    See you on your Malcolm X shit too. You mos def droped some jewels bruh.

  • RonTucker

    One of the best pieces I’ve read on here. You’re approaching Bol status with this. That Aaliyah line was beyond classic.

  • http://www.reverbnation.com/EmCDL EmCDL

    “If you let Soulja Boy tell it, he’s just a lil’ nigga doing the nigga shit niggas see other niggas doing and grow up wanting to do themselves. This inexplicably causes niggas that ain’t Soulja Boy to be hatin-ass niggas, robbin-ass niggas and overly-critical of little niggas ass-niggas.”

    You ain’t lying Mex you ain’t lying! LOL

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Someone hang this COON already!!

  • Brooklyn

    “When I was 9 years old/ I put it in my head I’mma die for this gold.”

    when i was 9 years old i put it into my mind that i wanted to be a VR Trooper, but you don’t see me running around in plate armor doing judo chops and karate kicks to ninja looking niggas. at a certain age you’re supposed to realize that things you liked as a child are rather childish and that you need to man up when you grow up. i ain’t no biblical scholar, but didn’t it say something to the tone of, when i became a man i did away with childish things? this motherfucker is using age to define every ignorant ass thing he says and does, i’m only a year older than him and i’ve been intellectually superior to this dude since i was 10.

  • BIGNAT

    “I love how Soulja Boy seems to be fully aware that he’s doing dumb shit, but thinks he should be absolved of responsibility because he’s 19. As a young lady sold into underage marital slavery once told me, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” You understand shit when you understand it. You’re then held accountable for what you know. This little nigga knows better. Don’t let the chicken dances and Southern drawl fool you up-top niggas. That’s how they catch you slippin in the Bojangles parking lot.”
    CLAP CLAP FUCKING CLAP PEOPLE RON RON HAD DONE IT AGAIN. also the whole i am from a bad area and i know nothing else and all that is bull. what is sad he has been all over the world seen different things and wishes to revert back to what is destructive. this is why people don’t want to give him respect outside of his music. some people like the music but they don’t like his actions. some people don’t like the music or his actions. it’s hard to give respect to a person who seems like they don’t have respect for themselves. i was done with his rich nigga shit when he was blowing his nose with money and throwing it in trash. for real what kind of sense does that make. his label or colipark should sit him down and talk with him. find out what is it that he really is missing and help homie out.

  • Shawty J

    In a day and age where technology pretty much erases the privacy of entertainers opening them to more scrutiny, I can’t feel sorry for someone who freely sacrafices their own privacy opening theirselves up to even more scrutiny.

    What Soulja Boy needs to learn is that if he keep putting himself out there the way he does people are just going to keep thinking he’s ignorant. You’d think at somepoint SB would say “damn, maybe I shouldn’t post this brunch time conversation about rich nigga shit on the internet.” But no, this lil nigga goes out and does it anyway.

    Soulja Boy will learn his lesson someday, if he doesn’t it just proves he’s ignorant and deserves whatever scrutiny he’s getting!

  • http://heardonmystoop.wordpress.com Drew Ricketts

    A tip of the hat and a raise of the carafe to you, sir. I just wonder how much we can convey that it’s not NEGATIVE to have value, per se, but that it is counter-intuitive to make your value only part of an external system predicated on base exploitation. Niggas like shiny things because people like shiny things. For me to confute SB’s Love of Money, I have to by extension criticize the capitalist system that created him (no Garveyite). Mex, you do a BRILLIANT job of balancing those scales, which leads me to believe that we should be planning our subversive guerilla moves on platforms such as this…and then pulling the classic conversion to dictatorship until NIGGAS GET IT RIGHT.

    In other words, holla at ya boy.

  • L Boogs

    I put a lot of ridiculous shit into my mind when I was 9 years old too. Most of it involved a pact to never rest until I discovered how to obtain healing factor and adamantium claws. Some shit you instill into your own mind at age 9 needs to be rethought.
    —-Classic LMAO Shit——–

    Ron you’ve done it once again