Cash Money Is an Army

I thought they didn’t allow pets in the [A] Milli-terry, but Bow Wow’s apparently found a place next to a Tyga. I’m just wondering if that moves the money eater another place down on the depth chart or will Prince Bow have to Michael Vick his way back to the top.

Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. Could Cash Money be more like the rehabilitation center for abused puppies instead of a breeding ground for child souljas?

Some of the other bloggers ‘round here don’t care too much for the Wang, but Ron Mexico sure as shit does. No nullus. I fucks with the fecophile. I been had fucks with that syrupy little gremlin since Hot Boys, and not because he was a child soulja, but because he was a dope lyricist and performer. I hear Drake is Paul fucking Robeson; Tyga gains valuable internship experience toweling the sperm off of video girls; and the Mack Maine/Harlemlantavegas’ own Jae Millz duo rounds out a formidable hip-pop boy band roster.

I was curious about a Young Money group album until the thought that Bow Wow could come along and destroy every track he douches onto. As we and the good slave masters at his previous label already know, Prince Bow has never been anything more than a sock puppet waiting on the next hand.

Maybe that’s what will make him a great soulja. I hear the [A] Milli-terry don’t fucks with the whole thinking for yourself thing.

By this principle, how does Freeway fit into the ranks? I know he’s been discriminated against for being a Mooselamb, because he tells racial injustice tales consisting of Dominican TSA workers giving him shit for praying in an airport. [Blogger’s Note: Bless his complex internal rhyme scheme-filled heart for not knowing how to describe discrimination or injustice with any term other than racism.] My point for bringing this up is that Freeway seems like he’s got a whole lot of resentment in his heart for establishment and what not. He’s got scruples and shit. Free won’t smoke a blunt or drink alcohol on the night shift anymore. He won’t even sell the crack to just anyone. If you’re pregnant, expect to get kicked off Freeway’s line. He don’t need that shit on his mind.

I can’t see Freeway taking to kindly to chaperoning Lil’ Wayne’s post-amusement park trips to Wal-Mart for industrial-size bottles of NyQuil and Hawaiian Punch and/or Popeye’s for the white devil’s red beans and rice.

[Blogger’s Note: There’s swine in that delicious red beans and rice. No, I haven’t investigated. I can just tell. A nigga just knows when there’s some po’k around. It’s a sixth sense. I just wonder why we got that extrasensory perception instead of an instinct that keeps us in school and out of prison.]

Cash Money’s gotta really be an army to steal Freeway from the Purple Raining mens over at Rhymesayers. If Slug calls Musab the whole playground will get robbed. Baby and Slim are treading into some serious uncharted territory here. One side of the street is Malone’s Funeral Home and the other side is a library.

Try very hard to picture this shit.

I guess none of this is as crazy as Birdman on a Rhymesayers project, right? What is the world coming to when the one true mecca of real hip-hop—Minneapolis, for those who didn’t know—isn’t safe from the likes of “niggas be sizin’ niggas.”

Wait… this might be the most brilliant military operation evarr. Hold on a moment…

When that Freeway and Jake One’s Stimulus Package album hits the shelves containing traces of Birdman and unsuspecting true hip-hop believers are all poisoned to death, the Cash Money army can Trojan horse its way into the coffee shops and patchouli-scented thrift shops of America.

It’s kinda like Birdman is a sleeper cell or what have you… but in reverse, because Cash Money is the good guys. And don’t worry about Jay Sean. Just because he’s obviously of terrorist descent doesn’t mean he can’t be customer service and tech support, right?

Questions? Comments? Requests? Draft me! I wanna fight for my country, jump in the Humvee and murder those monkeys!

Dey wunt een much pleen witcha, li’deddy!

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  • these posts are racist

    Wow. This is a classic…



    R.I.P. Bow Wow & Omarian ‘careers’.


      damn, almost.

  • Pierzy

    Don’t ask and please don’t tell…

  • yoprince

    lol funny shit.

    truth be told, bow wow is a good sign. he’s a hit away from having a music career again.

    that bleek verse on ‘night shift’ was his hottest since reasonable doubt

  • Moving Sideways

    Direct quotes from Brother Ali and Atmosphere, and calling Minneapolis the one true mecca of real hip-hop, that shit brings a smile to my Midwestern heart.

    Twin Cities stand up.

    Beyond that, that Birdman/Rhymesayers shit better not be fucking true. Freeway might be able to get on stage and rock out with P.O.S. and Mr. Dibbs, but Minneapolis heads will drown Birdman in the purifying waters of Lake Minnetonka.

  • http://xxl gside

    Shit dem nigga about to get some free money becuase they will never put them boy out never.

  • Lu

    This is nice……A nice blog to read indeed.

  • The Southern Comfort

    Mex I salute you, that shit was hilarious. Birdman the one man sleeper cell! I’m sending this page to so many people.

    • http://xxl gside

      A nigga what was that shit you were talking a write like a dunk . Try to high sign you bitch ass nigga.

    • http://xxl gside

      A what was that bullshit you were saying I write like a dunk you must read like one you understood what the fuck I was talking about word you bitch ass light skin nigga.

      • The Southern Comfort

        Seriously man? because you’re doing it again, although i could be and you could just be really strung out or missing some of your fingers and trying to type on an iphone. or you could just be an idiot.
        but thanks for remembering me.

        • http://xxl gside

          I take that back about you being light skin your just a plan old white boy ,you the only people that do that shit ,I mean hating on grammar anal boy. What’s that shit you wrote you think your deep or funny that shit just lame like you .

        • The Southern Comfort

          See man, I’m not being anal and hating on your grammar, i know this isn’t some classroom or whatever. but this is a place for discussion and that’s not gonna happen if nobody can understand a word you’re saying, no hate, just reality.

          to be fair the last one seemed a bit clearer. but you’re still a fucking idiot.

        • http://xxl gside

          Who ever rise you is the fucking idiot. Mex made you Sargent of arms who made you the grammar police . Plus what kind of name is southern comfort know you ain’t black with a name like that no black man’s going brag about drinking that shit , and ain’t no black women going dink that shit with you ,what you got baby some southern comfort lame . Better pour that shit in a hennasey bottle and call it a day.

        • The Southern Comfort

          if you lay off the paint thinner for a while you’ll notice it’s THE southern comfort, me being from the south. i don’t drink the stuff but it’s intersting that if you did you’d be pussy enough to have to have to hide it.
          stop bothering the people in the library who aren’t just there for free internet and stick to hanging on park benches. later “g”

  • Tony Grands

    I saw this coming. No way in Hell was Omarion going to head over to Cash Money without somebody to dance with. It was probably part of O’s contract to bring his BFF into the fold.

    Think about it though. Bow, Omarion, Drake, Wayne, it’s about to be a HUGE spike in teenage pregnancies behind this here.

    Tyga & Mack Maine might as well have signed with Aftermath/Shady/G-Unit.

    • Lowedwn

      Tyga & Mack Maine might as well have signed with Aftermath/Shady/G-Unit.


      Whoa, easy there….them two are a kin to Bleek, Amil, Really Doe, Lil Cease, Tony Yayo, Yung Joc, Big Kuntry, Mac Boney, Brisco, Boo & Gotti & The St. Lunatics…we call them and the shelved albums they produce Tax Write-Offs.

  • Collan

    You ignorance knows no bounds, Jay Sean is of Sikh decent, you fucking retard, not Muslim, dumb fuck.

    • ole dirty marmot

      if only n-bombs cared to make such distinctions….

    • Around and Around

      Ignorance know no bounds huh Collan? So only Muslims can be terrorists is what you’re saying?

      That’s why you’re a misspelled Colon…gay ass nucka

  • El Tico Loco

    What a cast of characters on that roster. Young Money can almost be named Desperate House Negroes.


    “I can’t see Freeway taking to kindly to chaperoning Lil’ Wayne’s post-amusement park trips to Wal-Mart for industrial-size bottles of NyQuil and Hawaiian Punch and/or Popeye’s for the white devil’s red beans and rice”
    man ron ron lets be real freeway is taking over gillie da kids job. he is going to “help them” write songs.

  • shawnb

    nothing to say……ron ethered them enough

  • L.a Vet

    Tony yayo 800, 000 sold

    Tyga not even 40 000 sold…

    i can guarentee yayo will outsale Kiss, Omorion, and shit everybody on the rostrer but drake, nicki, wayne….

    say what you want about g-unit all there core members have a plaque…

    the same will never be said for the core of young money… i can’t even see nicki going gold…

    and birdshit fucked up his whole career by trying to bang bloods…. see i knew he fucked up when he couldn’t even go gold on that stuntin like my daddy…

  • J-Reese513

    Ummmm. The big question is why???? Why and the hell would you sign a dude with no skillz?? I mean soulja boy got betta flow the the so called prince on the O town.. (He better not come to Cincinnati sayin that shit he’ll get that chan snatch again!!)HE showed that in Macro Polo.. This dude is straght garBitch!! I mean dame. Its a lot of niggaz out there with skillz and that can spit hot shit and you pick up this dude??? I guess Birdman needs someone else to Kiss on the lips. Fag money! They did that shit so they could have one big ass gay orgy!!!

  • capcobra

    if your boss is a hot rapper..then he’s not really the boss…lol.

    • Tony Grands

      Boss who raps “just because>>>In-house competition

  • GO-Getta’

    Cash Army

    Nicki M = wanna b’ kim/foxy & amber rose lesbian BBF
    Drake = dude dropped off @ the AMW tour b4 his album dropped
    O/Bow = LMAO
    Tyga/Mack/Hot boys/Baby/Wizzy = need i say mo?

    I don’t write it on the pad & rhyme or off the dome but these clowns i can handle.

  • General

    “What a cast of characters on that roster. Young Money can almost be named Desperate House Negroes.”

    Now that is some funny shit Loco

  • abdulnasir

    tony grand, tony grand, tony grand (II),u’s a funny motherfucker, “Think about it though. Bow, Omarion, Drake, Wayne, it’s about to be a HUGE spike in teenage pregnancies behind this here.”

  • latino heat

    i called this on another blog months ago when Bow Wow announced his 2nd “retirement”. i said, he will come back on another label put out “dirty” rap records and attempt to be taken seriously. i also said it would be a huge failure. well i was right so far. i just thought it would take a little longer than this. most likely his album, won’t even drop. we all know Cash Money’s record of signing artists that never see the light of day ever since the 1st flood of Hot Boy albums in the late 90′s – early 2000′s.

    as far as Freeway goes, please say it ain’t true. read what i just said above.

  • Collan

    My birth name is Collan, so lets not confuse mistakes on that matter. No I don’t believe Muslims are more prone to terrorism, but the author of this blog surely does synonomise Muslims with terrorists. This ignorance even when taking that position is doubled, Jay Sean is not even Muslim. It’s not myslef which synonomises Muslims or any other faith with a blanket definition such as ‘terrorist’ its this blog author and his ignorance shows no bounds when he even makes a mistake on that matter..

  • Brooklyn

    cash money stays sigining some interesting ass artists. a few years back they signed teena marie. teena marie! so omarion and bow wow don’t really surprise me. but it does seem to me that cash money is trying to eschew it’s image as a gangsta label by sigining all these singing ass, dancing ass, light skinned ass niggas. but i tell you what, they about to make some real money though, them teenage bitches are gonna wet their hannah montana panties if o, bow, and drake ever collaborated on a track.

  • latino heat

    @ Brooklyn
    did you know back in like ’01-02 Cash Money signed a all girl pop group? they had one promo single but it was never officially released. so i think C.M.R. has been trying to shed that image for years.

    • Brooklyn

      nah, i never knew that, but that was also around the time that they signed teena marie and i don’t think she had an album released with them either.

      • Tony Grands

        Yeah, that same year they signed a singer from out here in L.A. named TQ.

        Idiot was jumping around in a couple of videos wearing the chain & never released an album either.

        Baby & Slim were trying to get his “No Limit” on.

  • ashenafie

    i run the 612
    birdman is a joke
    atmosphere brothher ali always

  • DV8

    “Just because he’s obviously of terrorist descent doesn’t mean he can’t be customer service and tech support, right?”