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Why “I’m So Wavy” is nails

I went a little bit deep with this one, and I’m assuming you’re all familiar with the song, so I’ll spare you an introduction. Without further ado, a list of the top five reasons the Game got in Jay-Z’s ass on “I’m So Wavy.” No fishsticks.

1) He clowns that butthurt Blueprint 3 intro.

When he saw that YouTube clip of Jay out in Las Vegas, the Game must have been thinking the same thing I was thinking. What the fuck is wrong with this clown? He’s got half a billion dollars, and he’s on stage whining about the state of his relationships with guys like Damon Dash and Jaz-O. I could see if he made an actual song about, and clowned the two of them for the fact that Damon Dash couldn’t afford the note on a Chevy Tahoe, and Jaz-O’s wardrobe probably took a substantial hit when he made that video of himself burning that Rocawear on the sidewalk outside the Marcy Projects, but instead Jay went with some full-on spoken word shit, Def Poetry-style. If he’s that broken up about it, why doesn’t he just break the two of them off with some change and be done with it? What else is he gonna spend his money on? Beyonce’s wigs? You don’t see Jay writing poems about all of the white people he used to be in business with, now do you? And I’m sure plenty of them ripped him off.

2) He suggests Jay-Z might be impotent.

Does the Game know something the rest of us don’t, or is he just speculating? I hadn’t heard anything about Jay and Kanye engaging in fisticuffs backstage at a concert, so who knows. The Game might be a bit more plugged in than I am. I tried to stay abreast of all of the goings on in hip-hop, but there’s only so much you can find out in your moms basement in Missouri that doesn’t have to do with pornography. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jay-Z really is shooting blanks. I’m 28 and I don’t have so much as a kid, despite having worked with a number of lower class black women over the years (don’t play dumb), but I’m broker than a motherfucker. If I had half a billion dollars, I’d have at least 20 kids, just so I could train them in the fine art of hip-hop blogging. Then when they got old enough, we could start our own magazine and take on XXL. I might try this anyway, if I can talk enough girls into it.

3) He gives Kanye some good advice re: Amber Rose.

Somebody had to do it. It was one thing back when Kanye first got with Amber Rose. He obviously saw her in a magazine, or maybe on my blog (let the record show I posted on her before she got with Kanye), and had one of his interracial pr0n carriers send for her, just like he did Rosa Acosta, the broad from the Drake video. If I had the means, that’s definitely the kind of shit I’d be doing. I might even put together a list now, on the outside chance I strike it rich one day. Obvious selections would include the broad from the We Are Not Robots video, and this girl I discovered yesterday who once danced on stage at a Drake concert. But if either of them turned out to be as filthy a hoo-er as Amber Rose, I’d only keep her around long enough to motorboat a few times. Kanye West stays flying Amber Rose around the world with him, despite the fact that she banged Cassidy and told him she’s way bigger than Kanye, and apparently she’s also been with Smackdon Chris Brown. I wonder how he compares to Cassidy. No fishsticks.

4) He’s trying to start shit between Jay and Kanye.

Speaking of Kanye West, I suppose I should have known that Jay and Kanye’s beef went way deeper than mere sibling rivalry. The dead giveaway should have been that song on Graduation, where Kanye was talking about how he’s gonna be even bigger than Jay-Z. As egotistical as Kanye is, he probably couldn’t stand the fact that Jay-Z was once his boss, when he hasn’t had a good idea in such a long time. It just isn’t in Kanye’s nature to be deferential to another rapper. It must have been tough for Kanye to accept that Jay-Z had to sign off on everything he did, when Kanye had been keeping Jay-Z’s career alive for the past several years. If anything, Kanye should have been Jay-Z’s boss. Now that they aren’t on the same label, Jay obviously needs Kanye a lot more than Kanye needs him. If I was Kanye, I wouldn’t even work with Jay anymore. Now is Kanye’s chance to show just how much better than Jay he really is.

5) He knows hip-hop media is in Jay-Z’s pocket.

Hence the shoutouts to DJs like Funkmaster Flex and DJ Clue, who don’t work for Jay-Z per se, but probably didn’t block out an evening to hype up “I’m So Wavy” likey the did “D.O.A.” I knew the Game song was gonna be hilarious, when I saw one of the guys I used to work with talking about how it was garbage. He’s been known to pull that jedi mind trick of saying something isn’t funny when it is, especially if someone’s wife is involved. And there had been that thing, a few days prior, where the Game suggested that Beyonce had been nailed by several different pro sports franchises. I figured it probably wasn’t true, but it still managed to sound kinda true anyway, just because Beyonce has been known to do anything and everything for a dollar. If she performed at Bush Mengele’s inauguration, what’s there to say she didn’t let the Spurs run a train on her? Those NBA players have a lot of money. You think she’s with Jay-Z because she thinks he’s good-looking? Maybe that’s what the Game meant by that line. Maybe’s he’s a lot more meta than you’d think. I was hoping “I’m So Wavy” would be an entire song about how Beyonce is such a filthy hoo-er, but, alas, she’s hardly even mentioned. Amber Rose, who doesn’t have anything to do with this, got it way worse. I guess there’s always the sequels. If there are, and you know there will be, don’t be surprised if they carry disclaimers on a lot of these sites that pride themselves on letting you, the consumer, make up your mind about shit.

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