Michael, Michael, Michael, You My Nigga!

It’s been a really fucked up year for niggas named Ron. First Browz, now Artesticles. I don’t know if I like being a Ron anymore. ☹

As I briefly mentioned on today’s podcast, I refrained from mocking Ron Artest’s simultaneous mockery of Michael Jackson’s death—and, well… all music—for reasons unbeknownst to… everyone.

Today I have come to terms with my hypocrisy. If I can make fun of something as heartfelt and awesomely awful as “It’s So Cold in the D”, I can tell you all that a touchdown nigga like Ron Artest ain’t doin shit right. He ain’t all the way special. This nigga knows better! He’ll be the first Tru Warier to tell you that he kinda sorta went to college for a little bit.

Doctor told his mama if he was born five minutes later (or “a fireman”) he’d have been mentally retarded. Sha-pow!

I went in on Michael’s memorial service because niggas deserve better than shoddy, self-seeking shit surrounding their caskets. I mean, please… keep such fuckery away from mine if you’re around when I go. Don’t let me see Ruthell Thimmonth Prethenth: Global Grind talkin about “Ron Methico wathen’t thrange! It wath thrange how they hated on the hate!”

You know they’ll do it. Then Jojo… I mean, Young Simmons will drop a memorial verse via satellite from the top bunk.

In the same vein, Michael deserves better than the worst song ever created. How hard did you laugh when you heard Artest say “I know you hittin on me, but you showed me love” or that he “hope to see [Mike] next year”? I laughed until I cried. It was some complex shit.

Michael Jackson is the world’s greatest trending topic of all time. Michael Jackson dedication songs generate accidental clicks. Much like The Game, Simple Simon knows he can Sharpton his way into a little shine for his own—oh, god. I don’t wanna say it—musical career.

Regardless how much he misses Michael, Artest effectively makes a mockery of himself and all music. He might be clueless, but he’s not new to this shit. Unfortunately, Artest hasn’t yet realized that celebrity alone doesn’t sell records. If he had, homie might not have wasted time and money on shit like Allure reunion albums. He wouldn’t keep rappers a hairsbreadth away from foreclosure hanging around his house playing NBA Live and mumbling throwaway verses into his expensive magical rapster equipment either.

This shit is not wavy, Ron-Ron. You’re a basketball player. Stop trying to live out the industry rap bible’s Revelation. It ends with a seven-headed, ten horned demon carrying you back to Queensbridge projects bitter, broke and toothless.

Nevermind that last part. Ron Artest been had dentures.

Questions? Comments? Requests? No. I’m not taking The Game’s bait. The nigga’s just trying for Negro Please at this point. ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: I really really hope Ron Artest didn’t say “I know you hittin on me” about listening to Mike as a kid.

  • The Editor

    Pierzy!

    What up Mexx…

    I had white girls that don’t even listen to hip-hop texting me about Artest’s performance before it was even over telling me how they could rhyme so much better. What a disgrace.

    • G-UNOT KILLA

      Seriously the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! I think he has something wrong w/his head.

      He said, “I know you in heaven I hope to see you next year.” LMAO!!!! WTF

      Also, “listen to the heart be of Micheal still living” LMAO What!

      Also. “In the club even though I’m always strapped, I’m putting down my Mac” He just signed a $38 mill contract yet still having wild west shootouts in club? LMAO!

      “What would u do if it wasnt for my dude, eyo dude, he’s a dude, he’s a real type dude” lmfao

      -
      Ron this nigga the worst rapper EVER!!!!

  • General

    Artest’s career as a rapper has just been a running episode of Punk’d on the hip hop nation

  • Ayre

    Damn Ron! I was seriously waitin on a wavy ass Negro Please for Game!

  • http://callmephlip.blogspot.com/ Phlip

    I tried with all I had to ignore that song on YouTube last week, then I made the mistake of going to my girl’s place and she kinda made me.

    I wanted to die.

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    The Jackson 5>>>>>ron artest,kobe,shaq,A.I. and tony parker. (ugh)

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    “You know they’ll do it. Then Jojo… I mean, Young Simmons will drop a memorial verse via satellite from the top bunk”
    ^^^^^Roffle Mayo.

    I hate the fact that Artest is on my squad now. We need the defense, but nothing good ever comes from giving the mentally challenged a license to flail their arms & run full-speed @ other people.

    I forgot dude threw his hat (umm, helmet) into the hip hop ring. Yikes. He can barely talk.

    He’s definitely a special kind of ignoramus. You see him in that clip where he decided to bacon-hotdog up the entire block?

    His haircuts during the playoffs were ill, though. I’ll give him that.

    • render

      disagree on the ball tip…you should love the fact the lakers got him…artest been underrated and hated since the brawl. Dude has clearly matured (listen to him speak about his 5 y.o daughters fight with cancer and how it gave him perspective on shit) and he’s still one of the greatest wing defenders to ever play the game…he can pass, score, consistently spot up on good percentages and he’s gonna fit right in with the triangle

      music is straight ass tho

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        @render

        I’m not a fan of Ron Artest, the human being, period. Regardless of his maturity, reputation is all a man has. His is tarnished, no matter the amount of personal growth. Just a few months ago, he was trying to start a fight with Kobe for the sake of winning. That says “winner”, not “role model”, & its a nod to the chemical imbalance that he deals with on the basketball court.

        Basketball-wise, I’ll agree that the Lakers will benefit from his consistency, defensively as well as a guaranteed 16 pts/10 rebounds per game. Definitely a good look. Plus, we haven’t had an intimidating big man since Shaq left. God knows Pau ain’t going to get grimy. We saw several examples in the playoffs against the Rockets & Nuggets (remember when Kenyon Martin pushed his ass?). So, we need that 2009 version of Dennis Rodman, especially since its looking like Candyman is leaving. His style of play will complement Kobe & every possible way, unless he let’s his new fame go to his head. So, I cant/wont argue that the move wasn’t worth it.

        Yet & still, not a fan of his.

        & yes, his music is ass-toundingly horrible.

  • giantstepp

    Damn you Ron Mexico!!! Just when that fuckary of “It’s so cold in the D” had finally escaped my memory, you bring it back and I cant get it out of my head all over again!!!!

  • 1hunid

    “Doctor told his mama if he was born five minutes later (or “a fireman”) he’d have been mentally retarded. Sha-pow!”

    You had to do it didnt you?! aah shit im in stitches……again!!!

  • FLOSS

    BIG HOMEY RON BACK ON HIS SHIT!!!

  • Silly Willy

    Ron Artest was infamously known outside the NBA – hiphop public (if such a thing really exists) as the guy who smack the shit outta people in basketball court and send them to hospital.

    I guess him running after an ambulance was just a matter of time………..

    Sad!

  • hate

    the most fucked up part is that ron artest reps queensbridge, which in many peoples opinions is home to the greatest lyricists of all time.
    but now everyone of them cats gets dropped down a notch because of ron’s fuckery

  • http://myspace.com/thelabelrecords Sammy P

    Who gives a fuck about his rap career or mike jack? Write a blog about him and kobe bout to dominate.

  • Brooklyn

    The problem is that every nigga from the hood wants to be a rapper now but every nigga from the hood can’t rap. Artest being from Queensbridge got him thinking he some kinda Nas/Mobb Deep/Cormega type rapper when in fact I know three month old infants that can coo better than he can spit.

  • geico lizard

    “It’s been a really fucked up year for niggas named Ron. First Browz, now Artesticles. I don’t know if I like being a Ron anymore.”
    ^
    you forgot about the album sales flop from cam’RON

  • trippin mayne

    are u serious??…is this cat serious??.. ” makes me wanna reach out and touch him” wwwwwwwwattttttttt da FFFFFFFFF, WHYY???…WHY??.. abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxYYYYYYY??…why did he do dat?

  • http://www.32weekspregnantultrasound.com/32-weeks-pregnant-with-cramps/ 32 weeks pregnant 3d

    Your blog is so informative