Father, Father

Now that’s stuntin’ like your daddy, ’cause it’s crazy when you wanna be
nothin’ like your daddy. –Fabolous, “Stay”

A baby changes things, people. It slows down the roller coaster, causing you to assess your situation—job, apartment, savings, put a ring on it—and pushing you to confront the daddy drama you thought was buried under the bed with the dust bunnies. But once the kid is born, you realize that you are a role model, not some light-skinned singer who beat up on his girlfriend, not some rapper doing a bid for gun possession, not some basketball player with four championship rings. You.

And that’s scarier than someone duct-taping your eyelids open and forcing you to watch a Flavor of Love marathon. It’s especially scary because there are only two choices: 1) do the adult thing and handle yours (i.e. man up or woman up) or 2) punk out, turn your back.

On Fabolous’s fifth album, Loso’s Way, he tactfully airs out his beef with his dad on “Stay,” (featuring the feathery vocals of Marcia Ambrosius, the songstress from the Floetry) without going into details. But we get the gist. Not that we need to know exactly why Fab’s pops bounced, some of us have our own stories, so it’s easy to creatively fill in the blanks, but obviously it was painful enough to inspire the Brooklyn Don to use his clever wordplay to dig deep and finally get personal with his fans.

Basically, Loso, father to a toddler son, acknowledges the void his dad left and vows to be everything his pops wasn’t. The song could easily be an anthem for all those—men and women—with fathers who were MIA during their childhoods.

If you were like me, lucky enough to have the next man step in when your biological didn’t bother, you ended up with someone who set annoying curfews, cooked weird dinners, criticized your fashion choices and hit the roof at the number hours you tied up the phone talking to the opposite sex.
As a kid you couldn’t see past this. Dude was like a warden. And you felt like his prisoner, not realizing that he, your dad, with his never-ending list of frustrating rules was doing it all because of a four-letter word:
love. Your boy, Raheem down the hall in 4B couldn’t relate to sitting down to dinner with your dad at the head of the table, blessing the curry goat and the peas and rice.

However, our very own President Obama can relate to Fab’s pain. Raised by a single mom, he told the nation about the “hole in your heart” you feel when your father is AWOL. And Mr. Obama, like Fab, like my pops, like countless others, promised to break the cycle.

I can see Mr. O now, hopping out of bed, turning his presidential swag on, walking Bo on the South Lawn of the White House and bumping “Stay” in his iPod. —Miss One

  • $ykotic

    Pierzy!

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      I was fortunate enough to have my biological do everything in his power for me but it’s good to see Fabo getting emotional in his music….

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  • $ykotic

    Real talk. This ain’t gonna make me buy the album. The music will.

    Weak post.

  • General

    Respect to all the dads out there that put in the time to raise their children and be responsible. I know my life changed when I had my daughter and for me, leaving her behind was never an option, because how I was raised by my pops…

    In society we spend too much time talking about the deadbeat fathers, but never spend enough time talking about the one’s who have been outstanding role models and providers for their children…

    I know we got several people on here that talk about their children (I see you Tony…) and I have nothing but respect for all of you too…

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      @Gen

      I appreciate that acknowledgement. Thanks. See, that right there is what’s up.

      My son & I were talking yesterday about how there’s so many bad fathers that the good ones get ignored. He said “well, you’re a good dad, daddy.” He’ll take that with him throughout his whole life, much like the cats who didn’t have a dad.

      @ the very least, when its all said & done, I know I tried.

      An old man once said that a father’s judged by the community. The people who see, listen & watch. I guess as long as they know, good fathers aren’t really ignored, just glossed over.

      Personally, this is a topic that could go on with discussion for the entire day.

      • Moving Sideways

        Good fathers never get mentioned because real men are supposed to be good fathers, that shouldn’t stand out.

        That’s like saying, “I pay my taxes, why does the IRS only care about people who don’t pay theirs? When do I get my acknowledgment?”

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

          @Moving

          I feel what you’re saying, but real man or otherwise, everyone likes a pat on the back, or a “good job” every now & again.

          Everyone has a different perception of what a “real man” is. Maybe a “real man” doesn’t have kids. That doesn’t make him any less of a man, does it? What if a “real man” has a drinking/anger problem & tends to want to beat his kids? He supposed to be a good father, as well? Being a “real man” doesn’t translate to being a good father. Being a man means stepping to the plate, which isn’t a guarantee that he’ll be good @ it.

          Recognition is usually a movitating force. It could make the difference between a kid who thinks “Fuck Dads, I didn’t have one”, or “my friends Dad is the best. I want to be like that”.

          & unfortunately, Dads in general get the short end of the stick, socially, so its not like the IRS. Taxes are inevitable. Fatherhood is loosely based on choice. One without morals sees nothing wrong with leaving their seed behind. Some cats just don’t know any better.

        • $ykotic

          Fam my babies are grown. Almost as tall as me. I didn’t have Daddy around but that didn’t stop me. I rolled my sleeves up and did the damn thing.

          Dudes ain’t gonna get love when you do a good job because that’s what you’re supposed to do in the first place. Embrace “Father’s Day” then. The system is set up to take Daddy’s sh*t. And snuggle up to Mommy. Is a dad who’s job is traveling a bad dad? He’s not there either…

          Do guys even know the State can still take child support even after the kids are beyond 21 and won’t get a check? Or a lot of dads are being hunted by the law for frivolous amounts and they come get you @ work? Make you lose your job and still want that bread?

          LOOK AT THAT OLD HEAD WHO GOT KNOCKED AND DIDN’T EVEN HAVE KIDS!

          “More than meets the eye”-Transformers

          That’s why I said this is a weak post. Don’t be quick to judge dudes struggling with fatherhood. HOLLER @ THEM AND BUILD WITH THEM. BECAUSE I KNOW DADDY’S WHO ARE A PART OF THEIR KIDS’ LIVES AND THEY DON’T DO SH*T. AND PARENTS WHO RAISE THEIR SEEDS WITH $.

          So Fab dropping a song is worthless. Go and mentor some of those kids, lace them and show them the important things in life, instead of the stuff you advocate in your songs, then I will pay attention.

          Sh*t I go to the local hospital’s pediatrics and read Harry Potter once a week to them. Buy toys and all. You don’t do things like that for a nod or publicity. You just do it.

          It’s too hot for that wool blanket dudes are trying to pull over our eyes.

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

          I’m speaking from both sides of the coin. I have a son with my wife, & a set of twins with one of the evilest broads I’ve ever met.

          So, I know about the struggles of not being there even if you want to. I’m no less of a good father because she tells them fucked up shit about me, changes schools & doesn’t tell me & conspires with my own mother so I can’t see them. That contrasts with the great relationship my son & I share, & the happy house he’s being raised in.

          Like you said, just because a dad’s there doesn’t always mean shit. & just because he’s gone doesn’t mean he’s not there, doing what he has to do. I had/have a great dad, so to be anything less would be disrespectful to a long line of men who “rolled up their sleeves”.

          I know that the only one’s who actually matter let me know regularly that I’m appreciated in all aspects of what I do.

          Really, that’s all the acknowledgement I need. Anything else is a bonus.

        • $ykotic

          Real talk, baby pa. We get that nod when they go off in life and do them in a good way. My daughter will be a soph in LSU, little man’s in a super private school in NY on his own smarts. And my $.

          With a crazy ass ex wifey in the fold.

          I’ve started my life again part 3 even surviving that crash with my lucky ass.

          My OG always told me, “You wanna win? Get thick skin…”

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

          Word.

          Life ain’t shit without a story to tell…

          When my boy got the Principal Achievement Award in front of the whole school was better than anything anybody could say. In fact, you fux with the blogspot, I’m basically talking to someone who knows me. I don’t even have to say anymore.

        • *BLOCK*

          HEY TONY I KNOW I GOT THIS WHOLE IM BORED SLANDER CAMPAIGN GOING ON BUT I LIKE UR VIEWS ON THIS ONE….MY GIRL HAS A DAUGHTER THAT IS 2 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER SINCE THE DAY SHE WAS BORN..LITERALLY…HER DAD DOES A O.K JOB BUT WAY LESS THAN I WOULD EXPECT A MAN TO WANT TO DO BUT…FOR ME I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO NOT HAVE A FATHER LUCKILY I WAS BLESSED WITH PEOPLE TO COME AND FILL IN THE VOIDS AND GOOD SENSE SO I COMMEND ANY MAN WHO STEPS UP TO THE PLATE REGARDLESS IF THE CHILD IS HIS OR NOT. REAL FATHERS SHOULD GET A WHOLE MONTH NOT JUST A DAY. SO I SAY THIS KEEP UP WHAT U DOING AND RAISE THEM BETTER THAN WE WERE…..NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED SLANDER CAMPAIGN LMAO

          *BLOCK*
          ~FRONT LINE ALLIANCE~
          CAROLINA SURVIVOR
          D.O.C (DEATH OF COMMISSION)COMING SOON!!!!

        • *BLOCK*

          OH YEAH TELL UR SON I SAID CONGRATS!!!

          *BLOCK*
          ~FRONT LINE ALLIANCE~
          CAROLINA SURVIVOR
          D.O.C (DEATH OF COMMISSION)COMING SOON!!!!

        • $ykotic

          LOL @ BLOCK

          “BORED SLANDER CAMPAIGN”

          We need bothers like you. A part of the solution, not problem.

          PEACE

        • *BLOCK*

          BLOCK BITCH!!!!!!

          @$YK YEA…I GOT A GREAT JOB WHERE I DONT DO SHIT ALL DAY AND GET PAID DAMN GOOD MONEY…(UNLIKE YALL LIL GAS ATTENDANT LMAO….TELL HIM I WANT 45 ON PUMP 3 LOL)

          TO ME I AM PART OF THE SOLUTION…JUST MAYBE NOT TO YOUR PROBLEMS THOUGH!!

          *BLOCK*
          ~FRONT LINE ALLIANCE~
          CAROLINA SURVIVOR
          D.O.C (DEATH OF COMMISSION)COMING SOON!!!!

      • Grimey g

        Hey Tony Grands,

        I read ur blog it is so fucking bad. U r seriously one boring motherfucker. Why would u think u could write something that would interest people? Ur a tool

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Y’all fools is trippin. I’ve been on the rapper without a dad tip since Shaq sampled C.L. Smooth’s “so I always had a father when my biological didn’t bother.”

    Y’all slept on Shaq, mang.

    Slept on him…

    That song was deep…DEEP, son!

    Whatever, though. I’ve already heard that fatherless child joint a million times. Yeah, shit sucks but pales in comparison to a child who’s father just got perforated by an IED in Iraq while trying to protect from getting air-raided a banker in NY that steals your money. Shit’s epic fucked, yo! Act like you know.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • DETROIT

      the best dead beat dad song is the one by jigga and beans on the dynasty album!

      • DevilintheFlesh

        That’s one of Jays and Beans best songs in my opinion….glad to see someone else appreciates it.

      • Silly Willy

        Where have you been…….Bean’s verse were just too deep, man! He was almost crying at the end…..

        “Meet The Parents” can be mentioned too on another angle.

        “He Say She Say” has to be the deepest and most moving deadbeat dad song of the last 5 years…..

  • dal

    haha

    didnt grow up with a pops but after looking at my some of my friends im happy

    they dam near 25 and having daddy issues..
    and baby mama drama fuk that

    if i have a son im bouncing just on GP..

    he wont be the first and wont be the last to grow up without a pops!

    • bricks nicca!!!!

      woooooow my dude!!
      you really gonna do your little mans like that?
      that shit is crazy…you probably a little young dumb nigga too…probably just getting some pussy… talking bout you bouncing….cause i got 2 boys and im not going no fukkin where!!! your pops wasnt there to teach you to be a man and thaTS WHY YOU TALKING LIKE SOME DUMB ASS NIGGA!!!! you see the name bricks nigga all day(jerzey if you didnt know, cause you are stupid probably cant evev read this lemme t y p e
      s l o w e r …..stupid mafucka!!!

  • sabrina

    Dal, your a fucken idiot..

  • HNIC

    Some of the best “Daddy” songs that I’ve heard are “He said, She said” by Lupe Fiasco, “Be A Father To Your Child” by Ed O.G. & Bulldog, and even “Just The Two of Us” by Will Smith/Fresh Prince. No lie, Fresh Prince had me a little choked up, when I first heard it.

    I am one of the fortunate who was lucky enough to have my biological Pops in my life. Although, I’ve seen many of my friends, over the years, male & female, who still reel from the effects of not having their Father or even just a positive male role model in their lives. It’s truly sad… I feel for them.

    That’s why I make it a point, despite having a crazy Baby Mama, to remain in my daughter’s life and to maintain the resolve to be the absolute best Father to her that I can possibly be. Even though I can’t be with her 24/7, I take the time to at least talk to her on the phone, when we’re not together. So, that she knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I love her.

  • http://www.justice.gov.za GO-Getta’

    My tale is kinda complex. C i was 4tunate 2 ‘ve both parents under 1 roof .
    As with most black fam papa had other jump offs on the side & when he passed away when i was only five or less.

    Sadly a friction brews betweem my mama & papa’s fam & 2 this day i ‘ve nevai visit his place of rest,may he RIP nonetheless .
    The gift & the curse

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    I know my pops but don’t really care to know him kna’mean? a nigga grown now, been thru the bullshit, got kids of my own, so what I wanna speak to him for? plus like Jay said “mama loves me”

  • Around and Around

    Best dead beat pop song by far is:

    Tupac
    Papaz Song

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