Russell Simmons: Your Rushcard Demystified

“The foundathion of being able to create wealth ith to uthe your money moth effectively. Many people in our communitieth cannot even get to their money without being thubject to overwhelming feeth. If you don’t have a bank account you pay around ten perthent of your income in check cathing and bill payment feeth. Bankth charge overdraft and inthuffithent funth feeth, moth of whith are paid by undertherved communitieth. Ruthcard hath no penalithing feeth. And Ruthcard helpth you budget and underthand where you’re thpending money, both at the foundathion of good money management.”

-Ruthell Thimmonth, Livetheeth interview

I’m starting to think he didn’t actually name everything “Rush”. He tried to call it “Russ”, but everyone heard “Rush” and the nigga eventually gave up.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, Russell Simmons has endured scrutiny from financial columnists around the web for developing and promoting Rushcard–a pre-paid Visa debit card for the hip-hop [pron.: financially distraught] community.

I’d like to help Russell clear up some of the obvious confusion surrounding his latest philanthropic effort.

What makes Rushcard different from any other pre-paid debit? That’s a great question. For starters, Rushcard says “Rushcard” across the face, so you know it’s a Rushcard. Secondly, Rushcard is the pre-paid debit card whose commercials are on BET during your favorite programming, like Harlem Heights and Baldwin Hills. You can be just like those bourgie-ass negroes, paying for Starbucks Coffee and mojitos with plastic! Ooooh.

Also, instead of giving 10% of your income to the check cashing spot and various associated bill paying fees, you give it to Russell, a black person. This will make you feel accomplished for once in life, as you’re supporting “our community” in your financial despair.

Even though you could get a debit card of any kind from anywhere, including your local supermarket, drug store or bank (provided you don’t utilize the suggested method of giving Ruthell your paycheck directly), only Rushcard fully exploits the misery of the ghetto. When paying hidden fees you’re initially assured don’t exist, you suffer with all the comfort and familiarity of a housing project loan shark on the 28th of the month, even though you aren’t borrowing anything.

The Rushcard also makes it easy to donate to your favorite charities. By checking the box on the back of the card marked “give now”, you can make monthly contributions to the Kimora Lee Honsou-Cinque Alimony Fund. This money directly helps hungry Africans in the Saddle River, NJ area.

While Rushcard isn’t helpful at the bulletproof glass-countered Chinese take out you’re used to dining at, feel free to enjoy having a Mr. Chow waitress inform you of the “insufficient funds” error message she receives after swiping your card several times. As you wash dishes for the next week, enjoy the half-eaten bits of sweet and sour chicken left on the platters of paying patrons.

Mmmm. Financial freedom never tasted this good.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Damn, I just got hit with a surcharge for publishing this blog. What the fuck, Ruthell?! ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.Eth.: There’th no Eff-Dee-Eye-Thee inthurance on theethe fucking pietheth of thit, tho WHEN thith bithneth foldth, you’ll be ath out, ath they that in the projecth.

  • Pierzy

    Rushcard: The ANTI-Black Card for broke people everywhere!

  • http://bossip.com Husta

    The Rushcard saved my life. And youcan’t check a box on the back of the card, it’s made of plastic and doesn’t charge shitty fees like a bank.

  • Worley

    That list of fees is crazy. Those jokers charge you for just using the mofo.

    Section 9F. “Each time you perform a Card Transaction (other than at an ATM) you will be charged a $1.00 fee.” What in the hell can you buy at an ATM?

    Section 9G. “Each time you use your Card to obtain cash from an ATM, you will be charged a fee of $1.95″ Don’t even think about using cash to get around 9F.

    Shame on you Ruthell.

    • chitchat

      Forget that. What about the $20 activation fee. Russel is worse than WaMu!

      • http://www.datpiff.com/Dont_Panic_Entertainment_Max_Profit_The_Drugs_Ar.m44293.html Max Profit

        Wow! thats just too grimey.
        But you dont get rich being a nice guy!

  • $ykotic

    For real Russell:

    Stop bloodsucking the HipHop nation. Go buy the WHOLE bank. Then we’ll talk.

    Besides I can’t use the Rushcard to buy trees…

    • Nina

      LOL greenery is the only thing i use cash for anymore.

      well that and time out, which ranks higher in grease per ounce of food than the luther and for some reason decided to put an atm in the restaurant instead of getting a credit card machine

    • http://www.datpiff.com/Dont_Panic_Entertainment_Max_Profit_The_Drugs_Ar.m44293.html Max Profit

      LMAO!!!

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Mex, I stopped reading to comment.

    “I’m starting to think he didn’t actually name everything “Rush”. He tried to call it “Russ”, but everyone heard “Rush” and the nigga eventually gave up”

    Lmmfao!!!!!

    Gracias.

  • chitchat

    Oh and lest we forget the $2 inactivity fee and $10 (!!!) card replacement fee. Russ is an athhole. He’s not even competitive about it. Tryna make all these young hip hop kids pay him to use their own money.

    Here’s a novel idea for financial responsibility. Just use cash!

    • Dub Sac

      I fucking love cash.

      It’s easy to tell when you’re running low – you don’t have to wait for cash to “clear” with your bank. Plus you don’t have to worry about overdraft.

      Only problem is most landlords and utility companies don’t deal in cash transactions.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Damn, Kimora & “Give Us Freee” are doing a number on dude. Got him picking on the poor people.

    I’ve never trusted nigs with speech impediments; they just seem a little too shifty for me.

  • http://www.obeseamerica.com sankofa

    I smell an Internets Celebreties piece.

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  • Bobo D

    How dare you all judge Ruthell like that!
    You know maintaning a white girl half your age is not easy.

  • El Tico Loco

    The people that use it should know what came with something like that, but folks concerned with instant gratification will do nothing to win, but everything to look good losing.

  • geico lizard

    Russell Simmons soul is up for sale.

  • latino heat

    “i fucked over more artists than Russell”. – Young Buck
    i guess he wanted to start fucking over regular people too.

  • DV8

    LMAO at the whole shit.

    Da Ruthel Thimmons lisp wains thupweme

  • StanLy

    @Dub Sac-
    I feel you dawg, but just get a Money Order. U.S. Post Office preferable, or western union

  • Enlightened

    What makes Rushcard different from any other pre-paid debit?
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Exactly! Nothing! Why the fuck is all these people coming out acting like Russell is bogus?

    What the fuck is bogus about a pre-paid visa?

    Why aren’t people mad at all the other companies that offer pre-paid debit cards?

    Why aren’t people mad that your bank charges you 32 fucking dollars everytime you go over on your REAL debit card?

    Yes, I’ll say it, everytime a nigga does something it becomes a problem. Pre-paid debits have been around.

    Russell didn’t start it. Don’t be mad because you didn’t have the idea or the money to capitalize off the shit.

    • LoSes

      Ummmm.. I think the problem was that he’s acting like Rushcard IS different, made for the “hip-hop community”, even.

    • Arcey

      I agree with you! This isn’t a real credit card (where you can spend it all then dodge the calls & shit) and credit cards in general, IMO, should be avoided but we live in this corporate/capitalist world so you do need credit that means that, yes, we have to read the fine prints, that also means that you have to built your credit rating, hence the purpose of this Rushcard/Visa. You shouldn’t be declined.

      If it shows on your credit bureau that you’re able to handle this then other creditors are more likely to trust you with THEIR money if you approved for a credit card. After credit cards comes the car-lease and/or mortgage, etc.

      But I do get the point that it was marketed as Hip Hop/Urban when it fact it’s Strictly Business

      Young Buck shouldn’t say shit about artists getting raped

  • hot nixon

    sthuttering mother fucking sthanley i wanth one of thosthe!

  • Shawty J

    See this is why I used a real debit card. I thought the idea of a pre-pay debit card was suspicious the first time I heard about it.

    “’m starting to think he didn’t actually name everything “Rush”. He tried to call it “Russ”, but everyone heard “Rush” and the nigga eventually gave up.”
    ROFL

  • Petro

    “Bankth charge overdraft and inthuffithent funth feeth, moth of whith are paid by undertherved communitieth. Ruthcard hath no penalithing feeth.”

    Aww man Mr. Mexico, you went in on that ath!! Uncalled for!! LMAO

    In my head pre-paid credit card = debit card with random fees. It defeats its’ own purpose right off the bat.

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