Nick Cannon, Eminem & Harriet Tubman

After reading the first paragraph of Nick Cannon’s blog response to Eminem’s lyrical “attacks” on Mariah Carey, I’m all about ready to sympathize with Cannon’s plight. I can totally understand a man defending his wife. Can you fully fault a nigga for protecting his boo? However, the rest of his now removed tirade leads me to believe this nigga’s as nutty as we’ve assumed.

Tenured media entities and rap entertainers—as Cannon claims to be—should be fully aware as to what Eminem is doing. He’s done business this way for a decade. Mathers makes mindless jabs at celebrities and what have you to draw public interest, even if accidental. Kind of the way bloggers throw keywords into their entries for google raking.

I mean, Rihanna’s naked pictures and Cassie’s naked pictures contracted #Swine Flu from Anoop Desai, right?

In this regard Cannon has done everything he could have to win the people over these past eight years. Eminem, however, has just been successful at it. There’s really no need to fan flames no one takes seriously.

Instead, Nick Carey takes his Mariah defense a step too far. We’ve long since known he worships Mimi’s insanely awesome rainbow-infused vaginal secretion, as exhibited by the massive back piece. But, being blinded by the butterfly juice is no excuse for trying to parlay Mariah Carey into Coretta Scott King.

After calling Eminem a racist, why incite race war by making a jab at Mariah Carey into an attack on all black women? If you call Britney Spears is a talent devoid skank bag during one of Wild’ N Out’s many lame, misguided attempts at improv humor, is that an attack on all white women?

Mariah Carey is not Michelle Obama. Do not utter the two names in the same sentence! Besides, that’s entirely too close to making Nick Cannon into Barack. If Nick Cannon ever can even so much as sniff the presidency, you can just call me Ron Canada.

Even more ironically, after defending the sanctity and strength of womanhood, Cannon attempts to disrespect Eminem by calling him “Miss Mathers”. As if being a woman were some kind of negative. If Mariah’s had a long enough break from the sedatives to read her defense, I’d hope she had something to say about this.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Mimi probably writes this nigga’s blog.

Regardless who’s stepping into the shit first, Cannon won’t be able to get himself clean if he engages Eminem this way. I haven’t heard the record yet, but whatever jizz mustache and kidnap/rape fantasy Em has in store for Mariah can very easily and gleefully be extended to Little Nicky.

Eminem, 50 Cent and Dr. Dre look like they’re all in a very dark place and seek to share their misery with the world from that Detroit studio. If I were Nick, I’d let the shit rock, get back to that Dreamlovin’ and avoid making asinine comparisons.

Leave the metaphors to the professionals and shit. You know?

Questions? Comments? Requests? Are you a gigolo getting lots of dough? ron@ronmexicocity.com

Nick Cannon’s scarecrow/brains line in “Gigolo” is awesome, though. I’ll give him that.

  • mazemayhim

    He prolly was laughin along with the rest of us when Em would diss Mariah on past albums. Now he wanna defend…F@#K outta here! Nick got good taste in women(the track record proves it), but he’ll always be a mark in Jellystone Park. That’s it, that’s all. Time to roll up tree and continue my first day of being 29 years old.

    **Bonus-midgets really do go to the gym. I was in the gym tryna get it in for the summer and I saw a midget goin crazy on lat pulls. And all this time I thought midgets were already muscular as part of some divine compensation from G.O.D.

  • Dub Sac

    Wow. I can’t wait for the Nick Cannon “diss track” to show up under Bangers.

    The whole “first Mariah, then Michelle” is the slipperiest slope I’ve ever read. Dude needs to rethink his “logical perspective.”

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    FIRST OFF, YA’LL MUFUCKAS KNOW YA’LL WOULD BE MAD IF SOMEBODY WAS TALKIN BOUT YO FUCKIN WIFE… NO MATTER WHO IT IS!!!!… AND @MAZEMAYHIM THAT NIGGA WASNT MARRIED TO HER THEN EVEN IF HE WAS LAUGHIN AT THAT TIME….

    I MEAN OF COURSE THIS NIGGA DONT STAND “A ROACH AGAINST RAID’S” CHANCE OF EVEN COMPETING WIT EMINEM ON SOME BACK AND FORTH BATTLE SHIT BUT…. HEY….IN THE DEEP DARK PART OF MY MIND I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO SEE THE SHIT…. YEP DAMN RIGHT….I READ THE LONG ASS TANGENT HE WENT ON TOO…. YA’LL SHOULD READ IT…..

    (LEANS BACK AND TURNS “CRUMBLIN’ ERB” WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY THE FUCK UP))

    • benjamin bixby III

      CAN YOU TURN IT UP A LIL LOUDER…

  • Worley

    Nick Carey is a clown. How in the hell you gon’ marry the town whore turned cougar? Man, can’t you see that marrying the broad is a loss in itself? People are laughing at you not with you. What can be worse? MURS kissing Roxy Reynolds umpteen times maybe. Lil’ Nicky: Wild’ N’ Out (I don’t care how much you got paid) and that bitch ass response to Em was hopefully the last of your self pwnage. Don’t do it to ya self again playa. I mean gigolo.

  • Pierzy

    Here’s how I see it playing out:

    Eminen makes another incredibly lyrical, offensive and hilarious song while Nick Cannon attempts a response using some Yo Mama jokes…

    It should be entertaining…for one side at least.

  • http://xxl gside

    “Prefect” eminent beef !

  • chitchat

    Haha. They’re both corny as hell. Em for always battling girls and pop singers instead of other rappers and Nick…well just for being Nick.

    Nick should just invite him to box, whoop his ass and call it a day. We understand that any man has the right to (and should) defend his wife, but NOBODY wants another Cannon cd.

    • W.Ind

      Eminem has taken on men. Limp Bizkit, Ja Rule, Benzio,Canibus, etc…. He doesn’t really take on women IMO. He pokes fun at their faults, they ignore him and he goes away. Eminem also just does what is normally socially unacceptable. Which I think is bold but also its the style he is expected to use or else he is not Eminem.

      In Mimi’s case she just need to be honest with her fans about the months they did date.

  • Get Off Ems Dick

    It’s pretty pathetic and outdated that Em is still rapping about Mariah, I’m sure she’s long forgotten about him, and if someone shitted on ur wife im sure yall niggas would be a bit upset

  • HERM

    At the end of the day, (Killa) I’ve never took a person typing “LOL’s” seriously.

    • that nigga

      Yeah, for a dude to type “lol” is kinda gay! And Nick should not be takin Em seriously, no one else does.

  • geico lizard

    I can understand taking up for your wife but he cant take mariahs word that eminem didnt hit that. Mariah was willing to fuck anybody to keep her name in the news back then and the fact that he still talks about her sounds like a guy who had some pussy he couldnt forget about. Women lie about sex partners all the time so wakeup nick or you will end up looking like Nas when the truth comes out.

    Nicks brother is a sucker for love too because he is enganged to Danger. Cannons have a defective Pimp Gene and it turns out it was a Simp Gene.

    • Pierzy

      Completely Co-Sign…

    • jburg

      Another Co-sign.

  • http://xxl All Dae

    I diagree with the latter of this blog.

    Cannon can say whatever cause Em did and once he reads Cannons blog response he’ll damn sure say more.

    Eminem is bitter about not being w/ Mimi and is taking a jab…granted it’s in jest but didn’t sound like it.

    Sure Em has Cannon in the verbal field but…

    Nick will whoop Ems ass and niggas is hating. Nick married a pop princess and it’s f’n Maria Carey plus shared bank account.

    Plus main point this is Cannons wife any man will react and rightly so…

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    I don’t know how many cats are married, but I am. I’ve had to defend her honor a few times, sometimes aginst her own relatives (fuck mine!).

    But what Nick did was mistake #2. Choose your battles wisely. What, is he going to start bitch slapping those fans who scream out “I love you Mariah” in public?

    Dude she be happy she’s getting free publicity; that’s more money for him to have sex on [||].

    He could have said “Fuck Eminem” & left it @ that. Saved all that time typing & coming up with (un)clever shit to say. I read that post & laughed until my head hurt. Fuck his boxing/martial arts skills. Marshall ain’t worried about that, because it’ll never get down to that point.

    If he really did feel some kind of way about it, he should have get @ Em on some proffesional entertainer/man-to-man shit & said, “yo, chill man, you getting kind of disrespectful”.

    A real cat would respect that.

    Nick, ya played yaself!! Temper tantrums are for children.

    *Mimi puts him on time out after reading the comments*

  • KingPoetic

    Damn this shit is funny

  • JLC

    WHY THE HELL YALL THINK NICK WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT AGAINST EM???? I PERSONALLY THINK THAT EM WOULD WHOOP HIS ASS………..ATLEAST EM IS ACTUALLY FROM THE STREETS…….

    • nellz

      what does being from the streets have to do with being able to fight?

  • JLC

    AND WHERE IS THIS BLOG AT ANYWAY?????

  • Illegal1

    “Eminem, 50 Cent and Dr. Dre look like they’re all in a very dark place and seek to share their misery with the world from that Detroit studio.”

    Good point Ron, all up and coming rappers take note, if you want a dark, heart felt LP, move to detroit, shit is “real” over there.

  • render

    cannon already took the loss for wifin a 40 year old that got hit by every nigga with a record deal in 90′s

    shes still fine as hell right now, but when lil homie turns 35 this broad is gonna be pushing the wrong side of 50…smh…nigga is a “gigolo” for real

  • Ereal

    An entertainer should know its entertainment, oh wait. He’s defending his manhood more than her womanhood. IMO.

  • $ykotic

    Nick would’ve came off as more G-code if he shouted “F you” with a good yo mama joke.

    This is going to be somewhat interesting.

    It’s the Baghdad cut on Relapse if no one heard it. It had me laughing out loud.

    But yeah cut it out with the race card, women feel my pain nonsense because Em probably has more hood homies than Nick. You lost for that right there. The whole world knows that Em tapped that, and you don’t? One more strike…

    Them Aftermath dudes been real active this weekend…

  • http://xxl All Dae

    I don’t understand why niggas is hating on the fact that Nick married Maria. Clue me in please. Even if a lot a guys hit that I don’t see how that a L for Nick.
    Ashton is with Demi and u know her pussy lips hang but she still foxy and rich and I’d hit it.

    Unless yr girls a nun or devoted to being a virgin before marriage then niggas done hit it too.

    not everyone is in some hip hop zone. Not everyone looks to Em in awe. Em is not a threat like when he first came out. The game changed and niggas will dis back. Nicks doing him and is succesfull. He came up on a dope ass female and is a rich nigga. I looked for the damn blog and saw him chilling with dude from American Idol and Hasselhof. Nick on a diffrent level. Not higher but his life is diffrent so u don’t know what he has up his sleeve.

    • nellz

      fuck that nick cannon is the man, he knocked down kim k and christina milian

  • http://xxl All Dae

    Mexicos a fuckin idiot…

  • EReal

    Are we on the air?

  • 123

    Greatest post ever.
    Nick Cannon has lost his mind and not in the same record selling way that Eminem has.

  • anutha_level

    corn ball or not, this nigga has been CONSISTENTLY banging out top-notch bitches over the years. flyin around the world in private jets and shit…as a young buck. i agree his response was very emotional and extremely long (to the point it was counter-productive), however….u can’t hate on this lil nigga. EM needs to quit f’n with people he KNOWs he can destroy lyrically. BET dat he wouldn’t go at a nigga like Crooked I if he was married to Mariah

  • Petro

    Nick has every righ to defend his wife. But defending your wife and turning her into a martyr are two different things. Mariah hasn’t been black since she worked with Bone Thugs LOL.

    We all know Em is joking and Nick doesn’t want to seem like a punk. But just because ya’ll got Barack does not mean anything that anyone says is considered racist because it’s said to someone that is part black.

    Ahh temper temper!

  • Petro

    ps.

    Getting at Em can be his full time job cause he never has to work a day in his life again!! He has time to be doing this petty crap.

  • Curtis75Black

    Most of ya’ll is just going to see this as Em being Em, Fuckin’ with Pop artist whose not gonna respond eventhough he’s just as pop as them !! Be real, who else ya’ll gonna tolerate acting like an ass in his videos dressing up like females and shit – No One !! Yet you clown Ja for his Grease rendition. What if it wasn’t Mariah, an old topic he talked about again. Would you feel the same if it was Beyonce he clowned adding Jay-Z to the mix, Would he be taking it too far then. Talk shit about Jada and see if Will would respond.

  • Curtis75Black

    I see this 2 ways with ya’ll Eminem supporters: You either just dying to hear homie rap again or honestly ya’ll niggas is too scared of the white boy because he’s backed by Dre !!

  • these posts are racist

    Ron,

    You failed to discuss Nick’s attempt to reignite the drama surrounding Em’s racist slurs he made as a youth in Joe Schmo’s basement during his freestyle session post-break up with his AA GF.

    Any thoughts? I think Nick was weak for bringing that up…

  • KFrizzle

    SMH at Mr. Carey’s war strategy…I mean he didn’t even wait until the dam broke before he pulled out the Almighty ace in the hole (race card). I mean unless you dropping nukes off top, you can’t lead off with your wild card. I understand the concept that black folks catch feelings over pretty much anything white people say (ie: Asher Roth at Rutgers) but I don’t think even that will turn the crowd in his favor in this one. Better brush up on your Sun Tzu homie.

  • http://www.myspace.com/grimeyhiphop Stan

    And I love how he tries sayin Em didn’t even hit that.. He said Em didn’t even “get to second base” as he put it… LoL..Cmon man, U Knooo Em hit that.. “When we fucked I refused to even take my jewelry off”… Nick Wildin Out (no pun intended) if he really thinks Em didn’t smash

  • Giselle

    Finally there’s some smart people in internet.

    OMG Who is Nick Cannon,and duh racist much ? tht is so not cool

    Eminem ROcks!

  • grizz

    nick needs to step back, learn how to take these shots and keep movin. in real life i seen too many cats get sonned tryin to defend wifey’s honor.
    he needs to acknowledge how hard he came up and be chill w that. mr Carey needs to get up on his best house husband behavior and get past this shit. try to take on em and shit gets ugly. he might be 30x plat, but he started out freestylin and battle rappin and he might revert to old ways and ether this dude. dont wake up the dragon from the D unless you’re ready to slay him, nick.
    dude needs to recognize how fortunate he is,lest he become a walking punchline

  • Superstar Extraordinaire

    hAHAHA Ron put up all these random shit so we could google them hahaha (I had already seen riri’s titties like 3 days ago)

  • Superstar Extraordinaire

    “Nick Carey”

    Hahahaha damn Ron, you killinn em on this one dog

    Kudos

  • BGZ

    Mariah Carey is not Michelle Obama.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Classic! As Dan Quayle was no Jack Kennedy.

    Nick Carter or whatever the fuck his name is fell the fuck off; he DOES have the simp gene.

    He went from Kim Kardashian, Christina Milian and Selita Ebanks to Mariah?
    (He musta’ played the church boy for them, not laying down game).

    And tattooing a Mariah’s name on his back?
    Who cares about the money; bitch got 10 years on him, and is a delusional control freak.

  • Jamal7Mile

    Chorus to Eminem’s “Careful What You Wish For”

    Be careful what you wish for
    Cause you just might get it
    And if you get, then you just might not know
    What to do with it cause it might just
    come back on you ten fold!

    Take heed, Nick-ggalodeon, Rick Ross and the CCCounted Out gang…

    Yaw’s career <<< Be Careful What You Wish Foooor

  • Phanciyu

    Here are my thoughts on the Nick Cannon Eminem Beef.

    Listen people Nick Cannon is a bubble gum artist like Will Smith. But he did raise a serious question about EM…”The Formula” It is still the same. You got to admit. first, find a mark to Bully on the mike. Second, write a funny song about some personal encounter that we as outsiders are not privy to, allowing us to come in for just a little bit. Leak it to the public so we feel important, and buy more of his albums and talk about how “EM is Back” and how he destroyed Nick Cannon and his wife. Come on… Are we really this dense? EM is not a racist, and people always want go to that first. But we in the hiphop community want substance. We want real MC battles, Big and Pac (without the volience) Jay-Z and NAS. Even 50 and Jarule. Really would you watch the The UnderTaker fight Mickey Mouse on the WWE? I’m changing the channel. This is one of the lamest battles in history and Nick Cannon is right EM…Lost to Wack Nick Cannon on GP. TKO. I mean come on I’ll battle Nick Cannon on the mike.

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