Attack of the bums

I may have mentioned this once or twice before, but my academic background, to the extent that you can even say I have an academic background, is in marketing. The classes I should have been in when I was stroking it to the legendary Soleil Moon Frye episode of Wonder Years (which seemed to come on ABC Family every few weeks), or looking for change to cop a $.99 tall boy of MGD from the gas station were marketing classes, i.e. classes about how to sell people shit they probably wouldn’t want otherwise.

So, I’m always interested to see how artists are being promoted. I wonder, if I had an artist no one ever heard of and a relatively limited budget, could I get them on the cover of that Freshman 10 issue of XXL? (Or do you have to be down with Interscope for that to happen?) Or, if I had an established artist, like Eminem, and a seemingly infinite amount of money, could I help him sell over a million albums in a week, like Lil’ Wayne did, or was 600,000 copies sold the absolute best he could do? I’ve done a number of posts here over the years discussing things that seem retarded to me, and things I would have done differently.

I was checking some blogs last night, and I saw a flyer for this shit called Attack of the Blogs 2. I remember getting an email about it, presumably with a copy of the flyer to post on my own site, but I disregard pretty much any and all marketing communications from artist and labels, unless it’s from a publicist who’s an attractive woman. I know, that’s fucking retarded. What can I say? I’m a weak, weak man. And for all I know, that could be why most publicists are women anyway. If we’re honest about it, at least it might cause these artists to step their game up. I know I’d go so far as to post a song by one of the guys from the cover of this month’s issue of XXL (yikes!), if Natalie Portman asked me to.

A man has needs…

The way this Attack of the Blogs shit works is that some bum rapper no one ever heard of releases freestyles to 20 different blogs. The first 20 people to collect them all, Pokemon-style, and take a screen cap of them all in one folder win a prize. Or something like that. I didn’t go over the flyer with a fine tooth comb, and now I can’t find it. You know how content tends to shift from the front page of some of these hip-hop blogs by the hour. And I’m not about to sift through heaps of new Donny Goines records or whatever looking for it. But I do seem to recall there being some pretty substantial prizes. This whole thing must cost a small fortune to put on. Granted, I think a lot of it was being put up by sponsors, on the strength.

Which raises a number of issues. First of all, what do these blogs get for participating in some shit like this? I’m assuming they don’t get paid, because you know how adamant some of these hip-hop bloggers are about ethics. God forbid eskay should have to drive to St. Louis, stand on a stack of phone books and punch me in the face. Maybe they figured that, by providing whoever this guy is with free publicity, they could curry favor with the labels and advertisers involved, which might pay off down the road. That doesn’t constitute accepting payola, right? If I was important enough to be approached for some shit like this (like, if the guy was releasing 29 freestyles), I would have demanded to be paid. Then the shit would have been clearly labeled on my site as a paid advertisement. But you guys know I’m a hater like that.

Then the larger issue is, what good is this gonna do the artist? I think we’re arriving at a point now where we have a pretty good idea of what blog buzz is good for, and the answer is not a whole lot. It’s at the point now where mixtapes got back in like ’05 and ’06. Remember when Fiddy Cent blew up, and people thought mixtapes could create the next Fiddy? More like the next Papoose. Speaking of which, sure, blog buzz can take some bum no one ever heard of and make him more less a household name amongst Internets hip-hop heads. Which is a pretty significant group of people at this point, mind you. But it’s not gonna get anyone to actually buy anything. Asher Roth was as big on blogs this year as anyone, and his shit flopped. And even if it hadn’t flopped, it wouldn’t have been because of blogs; it would have been because people actually liked his shit.

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  • Pierzy

    Sounds like a retarded Easter Egg hunt for bad music if you ask me. I have a hard enough time choosing between good and bad mixtapes and songs on the ‘net already. Who needs this?

    • Tony Grand$

      I’ll tell you who doesn’t need it……..

      I understand the point, but, it’s really not that serious. Its like those broads that make you work extra, extra hard to get the ‘tang.


      I can work less, still get what I need, & may mess around & find something of better quality. No Dice.

      Lol @ Bol still taking shots @ Skay.

  • dronkmunk


  • critikal sneek


  • $ykotic

    Aww man who thought that was a good idea? Anyone with a brain will know that sh*t is rigged…

    Dudes are getting desperate.

    • Dub Sac

      Any promotion this gimmicky is bound to be a set-up, or at least ineffective. The only blogs that will jump on this probably lack any major readership anyway, rendering this idea pretty ineffective.

      It makes me think of record labels that try to get artists to pay to be on some compilation with a bunch of other bands no one’s ever heard of as some sort of marketing tool.

      • $ykotic

        What up Dub?

        Hell yeah I remember those compilations. And those “soundtracks”.

        I just feel bad for all those followers who are so thirsty they will join in(WITHOUT COPYRIGHTS OR PUBLISHING) and get all of their “ideas” stolen.

        WTF ever happened to street promotion?

      • Slut Monkey

        idiot. its the 20 biggest blogs on the internet, including


  • General

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that good publicity in blogs does not necessarily equate to good record sales…

    Yes it does give the artist a chance to be heard by more people, but bottom line is that if their music is horrible, chances are they won’t sell unless their name is Wayne…

    By the way, you might wanna check the Better Business Bureau before you do try any of that shit, sounds like some new internet age pryamid scheme…



    • DetroitDraper

      Seriously Paris…You really like that new Rick Ross album? I bought it because I was once a fan I have both his last albums but DTR wasnt that great at all it really only had a few songs that I liked.

  • geico lizard

    “The classes I should have been in when I was stroking it to the legendary Soleil Moon Frye episode of Wonder Years”

    Kevins sister>>>winnie cooper>>>punky brewster

    • Tony Grand$


      • Pierzy

        I’ll fight to the death to defend Winnie Cooper. Kev’s sister was fine but it was Winnie. And have you seen her lately? Plus, she’s a brilliant mathematician so I’ll stick with her.

        • Tony Grand$

          Idk P, sometimes I’ll take brain over brains.

        • Pierzy

          Can’t knock that, Tony. Plus, I’m partial to the dark haired girls…

        • Pierzy
        • Pierzy

          Ton, I can’t knock that but I think she wins the Google Image face-off. Then again, I’m partial to the dark-haired girls…

        • Moving Sideways

          Topenga >>> Every other 80s and 90s girlie.

        • og bobby j

          Topenga >>> Every other 80s and 90s girlie.
          no truer words have ever been spoken….




        • Lowedwn

          ummmmm, Topanga circa late ’90s, all day. But Nowadays, hell tudda naw, she got got fat and I don’t mean thick, she just got fat.

          Punky Brewster’s tiitays(pre-op)>Kev’s sister & Winnie Copper combined.

    • Enlightened

      Shit, y’all don’t know the episode he talking about. Her titties was big as a mu’fucka on there. That’s before she got older and decided to cut ‘em off. That breast reduction shit is some bullshit.

      Kev sister was not fuckin with that and Winnie ol’ skinny tooth-shaped head-havin ass was definitely not.

  • geico lizard

    “Or, if I had an established artist, like Eminem, and a seemingly infinite amount of money, could I help him sell over a million albums in a week, like Lil’ Wayne did, or was 600,000 copies sold the absolute best he could do?”

    I thought Em would do over a million. Lil Wayne is officially the biggest artist in rap music now unless Rebirth flops or Relapse 2 sells over a milli in a week.

    • $ykotic

      Damn Liz did you have to say that? LOL

  • DazzOne

    Man, Topanga was fine, and had a BIG booty!

    • HNIC

      I concur. I would love to shoot an “Afterschool Special” with Topanga, Winnie, Punky Brewster & Rudy (The grown Rudy, no R. Kelly)! I would have them all thoroughly knocked-up.

      • anutha_level

        no doubt homie…creampies all around

    • DetroitDraper

      Yea she was bad as hell. The funny thing is I almost forgot she had that beautiful ass

  • your_an_idiot

    AC is the artist doing the attack of the blogs campaign… is one of the 20 sites in Attack of the Blogs.. way to shit on your own media outlet.. Who takes you seriously

  • ur a funny fat dude

    you funny fat bastard! XXLMAG is a sponsor of this event. check the front page tomorrow. your head is way up your ass and your lack of creativity is incredible. instead of wasting your time writing pointless articles about your lack of creativity, go to the gym and work out the pointless stretch marks on that belly of yours!

  • Avenger XL

    I don’t think it is the fact internet marketing doesn’t work in hip-hop. I think most of these guys don’t hold up their end of the bargain. They drop meh records after having a big buzz that only works for pop machine like lil wayne. But the attack of the blog thing is lame.

  • BOL

    Please touch up on this Charles Hamilton, and MJ blige’s niece situation. Just watched a video over @ allhiphop rumors where ther going through counseling, and she’s loud talking him, disreguarding his statements, and basically taking atvantage of his gentle nature. Please help this young man, and show him how he needs to step up, be a man, get his woman to drop the nut sack she’s caring around, and act like a woman….

    If not, then 1 day he’s gonna get fed-up and Chris Brown that bitch, and err-body gonna come 2 her aid when she’s the 1 pushing buttons & think’n their won’t be no reaction…

  • thadoc

    Im guessing you didnt realize that your site was apart of the attack, FAIL

  • epicfail is one of the sites.. You lose at life