The key moment in today’s q+a with Joe Budden’s girlfriend Taheezo is at the very end, when they ask her whether or not her ass has a bigger buzz than Joe Budden’s career. She says, “No, um… well, I’m not really sure how to answer that.” Which I of course took to mean, “Well, yeah, obviously.”
Case in point: Taheezo’s ass is on the cover of the new King. Budden himself, meanwhile, isn’t on the cover of XXL or any other magazine, for that matter. For all we know, I may have been on the cover of more magazines (1) than Joe Budden. And we’re living in an age when the Source, in its weakened state, will put any ol’ bum on the cover. I’m friends with one of the girls from the Source on Facebook, so I might need to see about getting on one of the alternate covers of next month’s issue, Bun B-style. Just to show how big a man I am (and you guys know I’m huge), I’d even be willing to share the cover with Budden and Taheezo. For a small fee, I’d even be willing to pen the cover story, on how Taheezo’s ass has more buzz than Budden’s career.
Keep in mind, it’s not my (only) intention to mock Budden here. The guy deserves credit for stumbling upon what I think is gonna be one of the more powerful ideas of hip-hop in the Twitter era, i.e. if your career lacks buzz, finding yourself a hot (or, in Budden’s case, unique) girlfriend can only help matters. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised you start seeing more and more rappers take flip cam videos of their girlfriends, I Fux-style, with their own shitty rap music playing in the background.
Take for example this guy Lushlife. He wasn’t necessarily trying to pimp out his girlfriend. It just so happens that, a few weeks ago, she sent me this picture of her cans, and it just so happens to be one of the more impressive pictures of a woman’s cans I’ve seen on the Internets – and not for any lack of trying, obviously. Then yesterday he hit me up like, “Dude, I’m that guy who’s girlfriend sent you a picture of her cans a few weeks ago, and, well, I’ve got a rap album coming out.” Of course I posted his shit on my site. As I mentioned in a post today, if you pull some shit like that, I’ll straight eskay your shit (i.e. I ain’t even gonna bother listening to it first)!
I’m even thinking about getting myself an especially hot girlfriend, just to take my blogging career to the next level, and also to make sweet, passionate love to. Only thing is, I’m not too proud to admit I just don’t have a whole lot to offer a woman, be it looks, or money, or dancing ability, or whatever else it is girls look for in a guy. I could find a woman to take videos of, but it wouldn’t be the kind of woman who’d do anything for my blogging career. I suppose I do have a certain degree of status in the hip-hop blogosphere, but obviously that isn’t worth a shit.
If any good-looking women are reading this and want to become famous on the hip-hop Internets, holler at your boy. I think we’d both stand to benefit from such an arrangement. I’d have to insist that we have sex (hey, it was my idea!), but I wouldn’t be surprised if you even kinda liked it. I’ve got the size women look for in a black guy, along with the facility with the English language you don’t even find in a lot of white people these days. You’d think that would be a compelling combination…