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Rap Gaydar…


I apologize for just now learning about the Asher Roth Twitter gaffe from Rutgers University. OMG! Asher Roth is white and privileged?!? Who knew? Who the fuck cares is more like the question? But I’m sure that some of you care. I’m more annoyed that some of you still care that Rick Ro$$ lied on his raplication. None of this rap shit is real. Do you get mad at George Lucas for telling you a story about spaceships? Or do you believe that too?

There is not enough bullets in the world to fill all the make believe guns that rap dudes be shooting. Especially since those bullets are being used to kill Iraqi civilians like it ain’t no thing. The news report said that only 100,000 Iraqis had been killed since the invasion in 2003. That’s a pretty low number if you ask me. The Khmer Rouge killed way more people in way less time and they didn’t even have the depleted uranium and white phosphorus weaponry that we have. Just goes to show you that Asians are way more efficient than Americans.

One of the more popular memes of late in rap music is the ghey rapper storyline. This is expressed in the homo-eroticsim of the imagery and sometimes even the lyrics of rap songs. Some might equate the tight jeans movement with a ghey influence, but I would argue that the semi-naked performer [ll] who is oiled up for pictures is more ghey than someone with snug fitting clothing. Shit, maybe its ALL ghey? And why wouldn’t it be? Think about the people who sign the checks for all of this shit to happen? These are the same dudes that would have their Maybach driver cruise around midtown-Manhattan to pick up a young hustler.

I come from the era when a hustler was a male prostitute. If you were dealing drugs you were a pusher, but if you were selling sexual favors you were a hustler. This is why it always surprised me that rappers my age would call themselves hustlers. I’m like, “For real son, is it really real son?” At night I used to drive up Third Avenue in the forties and fifties and see the young hustlers standing on the corner waiting to get their ride. Them dudes would be clean as fuck too. No facial hair, short ceasar haircuts, sometimes they would have their baby hair waxed. I always wondered what made a dude want to act in this fashion and pull more stunts than that man Action Jackson.

When Chingy’s ex-lover went public this week it was just another incident in a long line of love affairs that rappers have had with chicks with sticks. I wonder what makes transvestites so appealing? I guess its that whole best of both worlds movement that people were making records about. I do admit that RuPaul was sexy to me until I learned he was a man. I guess when you are at the highest echelons of the entertainment industry and everything is faked to death then maybe the realest shit is some dude gripping up on your manhood until you have full release. I’m not mad either that I won’t ever know what that feels like, but I can understand why some folks need that reality.

If there was a fantasy that you could recreate from the rap music imagery that is pervasive through the culture it might be an orgy in one of those painted white seaside villas with the outdoor hot tub for twenty. The bad news for you is that of those six or seven chicks that you and your boys are gonna bang, two of those chicks have dicks. The other bad news is that the remaining girls are lipstick lesbians whose sole intention is to get two fingers inside of your asscrack. The worst news was that you and your homey touched dicks while DP’ing one of those broads and now your homey from forever want to put his tongue in YOUR mouth. This is the reality of your fantasy.

So when some rapper talks about their college experiences you shouldn’t be so dismissive of their credibility. At least they aren’t out here “hustling”.

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