Usher’s [Out-of-Context] Chrihanna Party

Take that. Rewind it back...

Usher & Friends, who’d rather be referred to as Ocean’s Five, are taking their Chatty Cathy routine to radio and California college campuses, where silicone ta-tas aren’t all that go “clap.”

In an eight-minute display of hoery, Ursh, Mickey Factz, Michael Baisden, Jermaine Dupri and the lead vocalist from TV on the Radio yammer about Christina Millian and the Chrihanna fiasco like they were auditioning for a vacant slot on The View.

The ladies at Lip Service had best watch their backs. These bitches is comin for that #1 spot.

Realizing that every millisecond of the Hocean's Five attention grab is done in the worst possible taste, Ursher has since apologized for throwing stones from the atrium. This comes immediately after noticing that the last two projectiles hurled had been his own severed testicles. He’s currently offering an unspecified reward to the viewer who may have recovered them, as Tomeka has grown quite pissed.

That’s what a nigga get for knocking up She-Hulk.

Speaking of her royal gulliness, I’m amazed Ursh had the empty scrotum sack to make Ike Turner jokes in the first damn place. This nigga been Anna Mae, eating the proverbial cake since Chili left his ass to pathetically writhe alone in bed and peruse the South Beach club scene with Puffy.

Usher should have heeded his own advice and refused to talk to the camera on the grounds that it may incriminate him. While Baisden, jr’s out trying to score himself a couple handfuls of California’s finest Titty Putty, Ursh know damn well he gotta be home by sundown to feed from that open left breast before Real Housewives of New York come on.

Once it’s Bethenny time, the Raymond breastaurant is closed for the evening.

Of course, I should Negro Please myself  for even speaking on the matter. Like every questionable negro celebrity quote, the entire segment has clearly been "taken out of context." However, if Usher's going to be developing media of any kind, he should start with songs that don't blow elephant dick.

Part of me totally understands where Usher's coming from, though. If anyone needs to kick Hurricane Breezy while he's down, it's the nigga rendered completely irrelevant by the industry's Pop Tart du jour.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Got any Chris Brown/Rihanna parallels that haven't yet been made? ron@ronmexicocity.com