Usher’s [Out-of-Context] Chrihanna Party

Take that. Rewind it back…

Usher & Friends, who’d rather be referred to as Ocean’s Five, are taking their Chatty Cathy routine to radio and California college campuses, where silicone ta-tas aren’t all that go “clap.”

In an eight-minute display of hoery, Ursh, Mickey Factz, Michael Baisden, Jermaine Dupri and the lead vocalist from TV on the Radio yammer about Christina Millian and the Chrihanna fiasco like they were auditioning for a vacant slot on The View.

The ladies at Lip Service had best watch their backs. These bitches is comin for that #1 spot.

Realizing that every millisecond of the Hocean’s Five attention grab is done in the worst possible taste, Ursher has since apologized for throwing stones from the atrium. This comes immediately after noticing that the last two projectiles hurled had been his own severed testicles. He’s currently offering an unspecified reward to the viewer who may have recovered them, as Tomeka has grown quite pissed.

That’s what a nigga get for knocking up She-Hulk.

Speaking of her royal gulliness, I’m amazed Ursh had the empty scrotum sack to make Ike Turner jokes in the first damn place. This nigga been Anna Mae, eating the proverbial cake since Chili left his ass to pathetically writhe alone in bed and peruse the South Beach club scene with Puffy.

Usher should have heeded his own advice and refused to talk to the camera on the grounds that it may incriminate him. While Baisden, jr’s out trying to score himself a couple handfuls of California’s finest Titty Putty, Ursh know damn well he gotta be home by sundown to feed from that open left breast before Real Housewives of New York come on.

Once it’s Bethenny time, the Raymond breastaurant is closed for the evening.

Of course, I should Negro Please myself  for even speaking on the matter. Like every questionable negro celebrity quote, the entire segment has clearly been “taken out of context.” However, if Usher’s going to be developing media of any kind, he should start with songs that don’t blow elephant dick.

Part of me totally understands where Usher’s coming from, though. If anyone needs to kick Hurricane Breezy while he’s down, it’s the nigga rendered completely irrelevant by the industry’s Pop Tart du jour.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Got any Chris Brown/Rihanna parallels that haven’t yet been made? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • Sleepy Wonder

    Word

  • Pierzy

    So…how many things are NOT taken out of context these days? {Hint: Not many, apparently}

    • chitchat

      These publicists just don’t know what the phrase means. That, or they have some kinda auto-response device that throws these releases together no matter WHAT happened.

      See:
      “…they remain great friends.”
      “…is deeply sorry for…”
      “In these tough economic times…”

      And our favorite:
      “…was taken out of context.”

      Negro plz to these artists spending good money on piss poor PR that they mama n’em coulda done. Yall aint even cakin like that no more.

  • amar

    HAHAHAHHAHA USHERS SUCH A CHEAP DRUNK…who would’ve known! his life my entertainment!

  • geico lizard

    Usher reminds me of kobe bryant they both try to act normal and convince us they are cool and then they go do some real crazy shit they have to apologize about later. They are only cool or smooth when they stay in their lane of entertainment.

    First xzibit says the radio recording was wrong now usher wants us to believe we didnt see him on that tape. Usher is pulling the R kelly defense,LMBAO.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Usher needs all the attention he can get. His music is ass now. Damn, don’t y’all just hate when R ‘n’ B niggas fall in love? It’s like when Gangsta rappers decide to get married (no Mack 10).

      What Ush should’ve done is hit WSHH saying “Fuck the media” & released an album immediately.

      But in the words of Mexico, “That’s what a nigga get for knocking up She-Hulk.”

      • chitchat

        He already tried saying eff the media back when they were dissing his wife. To which they said “oh word?”. To which fans said “no sale”.

        His last album: negative copper

  • $ykotic

    Out of context usually means “I should’ve kept my effing mouth shut”.

    “Hocean’s Five” lol

  • http://xxlmag.com Kane Corleone

    A cuz on some real shit, I think yo boy Ursh is being blackmailed by SheHulk. She’s got some photos of him either takin dick to the throat or gettin punched in his chili hole…there is no way any nigga with real money would wife that bitch + the hoe got other kids too. Nah homie shit don’t add up

  • latino heat

    i’m just mad dude stole my ’09 Ike and Tina joke. i been calling them that since this weekend. oh well. by the way, drunk Usher >>>>>>>sober Usher. i’d get shit face drunk too if i had to go home to his wife every night.

    • valdez

      ^^^LMMFAO!! Muhahahahahahaha!!!!

  • black

    Kane Corleone said:”A cuz on some real shit, I think yo boy Ursh is being blackmailed by SheHulk. She’s got some photos of him either takin dick to the throat or gettin punched in his chili hole…there is no way any nigga with real money would wife that bitch + the hoe got other kids too. Nah homie shit don’t add up”

    Real talk, I swear i thought i was the only 1 thinkin that shit cause let’s be real…love maybe blind but no way in hell it’s THAT blind.

  • El Tico Loco

    <<<<Wassup with the Urshr rainbow pic over there it wasn’t on purpose I guess but it goes with the post.

  • BIGNAT

    “That’s what a nigga get for knocking up She-Hulk.” his baby mama look that bad?

  • scoobysnax

    But don’t act like that shit isn’t hilarious tho. Homeboy boxing in the background had me dyin.

  • Pierzy

    By the way, Mexx, thank you for your support on my own drop yesterday. It’s greatly appreciated!

  • c b w

    The only thing being taken out of context when these cats talk on the Pon de Beat Me situation is money. They can’t say how they really feel about it because their endorsers are watching and we all know how sad it is to watch a rich nigga go broke i.e. Hammer, Toni Braxton, TLC…

    Funny…Ursh was just getting his Clarence Thomas on the other day in Washington,then he gets back to the ATL and this greasy dark meat shit surfaces. You see how Janet fell off fuckin’ with JD don’t let the ashy leprechaun take you down too nigga. Let it burn.

  • GERV

    Nas quote”niggas talk shit then apologize ask Kiss.”

    • Dub Sac

      Is that supposed to be from Ether? Cause you’re waaaay off.

  • Gerv

    My bad Dub Sac I’m not a hip-hop geek like you.I don’t memorize word for word no rap song bitch!!!

  • sealsaa

    @ geico lizard

    If you rearrange the letters in the acronym “LMBAO”, you get LAMBO. Hmmm….

  • chillin mayne

    @gerv…he really say “niggas pop tits apologetically then get kissed”