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Hip-hop’s new favorite white woman

There’s obviously some PR shenanigans going on to try to sell the black community on the fat Kardashian sister, Khloe.

I checked World Star, an hour or so ago, looking for some softcore pr0n, to start the day out right, and I saw there was a video of Khloe Kardashian denying any relationship between herself and Jay-Z. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, other than that it was kinda weird that she’d be issuing a statement with regard to her relationship with Jay-Z, when it’s not like there were any rumors of her and Jay-Z getting it on. I didn’t even bother watching it at the time.

I wouldn’t have thought anything more of it, except I checked Sandra Rose, to see if any homosexuals had been outed today, and I saw this picture of her and Young Jeezy, beneath a headline about how she hasn’t been getting it on with Young Jeezy.

The fuck?

Whether or not she let Jeezy, or Jay, or whomever hit it is – to me – neither here nor there. For all we know she might not have. But the picture of her and Young Jeezy is one of those pictures where it’s obvious, from the look on his face, that, regardless of whether or not he has dropped a gem on her, he definitely would, if given the opportunity.

The thing is, she looks like a real cow in this picture. She’s wearing this low-cut dress that shows lots of skin, and it isn’t doing her any favors at all. It reminds me of the time I saw Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks, with the girl from Sleater-Kinney on drums, at Lollapalooza. For some reason, they had a camera trained on her back the entire time, and it would periodically be shown on the Jumbotron. Every time she hit the drums, it would cause her back fat to jiggle in these huge waves. It was on of the grosser things I’ve ever seen, but I’m not gonna lie – I couldn’t help but keep looking up at it. I don’t know if it was the lingering effects of slavery on my psyche, or what.

Obviously, there’s something similar going on with Khloe Kardashian: They tried to sell her to the white community, similar to how they did her older sister, Kim, with that shoe on E! and what have you, and cracka-ass crackas took one look at her and were like, “You can’t be serious, can you?” So a big meeting was held, and it was decided that, even if white guys decided to take a pass on her, black guys might still like her. You know they profess to liking their women a little bit chunky[1].

Hence, the pictures of her all hugged up with Young Jeezy (I hope he hit that, if only on general principle), and the rumors that she might be next in line to get herpes, aka the stanky lip, from Jay-Z. Normally, the next step would be a spread in one of these black men’s magazines, like King. If you remember, a year or so ago, King put Kim Kardashian on the cover and tried to play it up as crossing some sort of color line. I was upset they couldn’t get an actual white chick. Then rumors spread that the staff over there is made up of a buncha black dudes who live to date white chicks, i.e. my kinda niggas. Nullus. However, Khloe Kardashian might even be a bit too busted for King. She might have to settle for that black men’s magazine published by the guys who do Feds, where they’ll run pictures of any ol’ woman, provided she’s got a huge ass. And that probably wouldn’t do much for her career, now would it?

You may recall that I mentioned Khloe Kardashian in a post here not too long ago, but before it was all trendy. I can’t remember which post it was, but it was in the context of one of these rappers needing to do a sex tape with her, in order to get his career in order. Admittedly, this was a bit of wishful thinking. I’d seen a picture of her on one of these sites that specialize in publishing pictures of celebrities for pervy old men and young kids to rub one out to, and I thought to myself, Well, isn’t she cute. But I had made the mistake of focusing primarily on her face, and not the rest of her body. (When will I learn my lesson?) I probably shouldn’t say this, but Khloe looks more anglo in the face than her older sister, and hence is just that much more attractive to me. It’s too bad her body is such a mess.

[1] Though it’s the rare occasion when you see a brother with some money in his pocket walking around with a huge woman. But that’s a topic for another discussion.

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