Coolio: Cranksta’s Paradise

Hmmm. I guess a nigga like Coolio needs certain amenities the airlines don’t provide to make a voyage “fantastic.”

I remember the good old days when your crew could just B.Y.O.G-pack onto the Southwest departing flight of your choosing. The former MTV Jams Countdown mainstay believes in his heart of hearts that such happy days are again upon us. Wheeeee!

We’re going to switch shit up a little this morning. How about a Negro Please for anyone who didn’t think Coolio was a crackhead?

Exhibit A: Cooking With Coolio – Episode 7, Swashbuckling Shrimp

From giving away a fucking bell pepper as a prize to clamoring, “Walk the plank Chaka Zulu,” there’s no mistaking that the man is a massive hype. In fact, the only possible mistake involves Coolio accidentally sprinkling his PCP stash on the scrimps–or strimps, depending on geographic location.

Exhibit B: Coolio on Anderson Cooper 360′s New Year’s Eve Special 2009

While I can’t find clearer footage, anyone who’d watched the live broadcast would recall a greasy, sweat-drenched face complete with Tyrone Biggums lips. They’d also remember the strange ramblings that accompanied the post-powdered donut binge grill. He “can rap like a motherf–.” He’s one of the 10 greatest performers of all time. He can slip a twenty rock past the shrewdest of bulletproof-weaved TSA agents…

He’s Coolio, people.

[Blogger's Note: They'd also recall Kathy Griffin coming down to where you work and knocking the dicks out of your mouth.]

Exhibit C: Bossip Loves Me

Since the new year, Bossip has posted a string of questionable, crack-flavored Coolio entries. If this chronology of crills doesn’t make you wonder, you’re probably a damn fiend yourself.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Every cross a man who didn’t deserve it?

P.S.: Coolio’s right about one thing, though. These computers and all these blogs and shit don’t come from earth. Think about it.

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  • Bobo D

    I have officially been bamboozled, hand me my negro please.

    • amar

      i’ll take one too plz. In my defense I didn’t see that new year thing, that cooking thing or those photos from bossip before.

      But believing a washed up rapper who’s doing reality tv to make ends meet isn’t on the tyrone biggons rocks? Negro Please.

      him and flava flave should be on some sorta rap celebrity rehab

      • Ron Mexico

        man… i just assume people are on rocks. i grew up in the 80s. i’m jaded.

  • Worley

    “the shrewdest of bulletproof-weaved TSA agents…”

    Briana Bonds is the truth.

  • FlapJack

    “It’s going ooon in the kitchen
    But I don’t know what’s cooking.
    They say I gotta learn
    But nobody’s here to teach meeee”

    Now he has his own cooking-show. Guess it all turned out great after all

  • kelito-vision

    always hilarious….that’s our boy Ron

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Damn. Cut Coolio a little slack. He’s been spending most his life living in the Gangsta’s Paradise. Just further proof that crack keeps niggaz between a rock and a hard place. That’s why I never played with that fire, I stuck with the gateway drug: $1000/oz hydro.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • geico lizard

    If you had no idea who coolio was and never heard him speak you would still know he was a crackhead just by looking at his hair. Kathy Griffin clowning anderson cooper is the only funny thing she has ever said.

  • DV8

    thisis Tyronne Biggums second cooking show remember crack covered with just a pinch of cinnamon?

    • tony grand$

      Roffle, as usual Mex.

      That Bossip pic is cold, in a “Swear to God! This shit AIN’T photoshopped!!!” kind of way.

      Southern Cali cats know that cat touches the rocks. It’s one of the many storied tales of Coolio.

      Ever seen the fantastic voyage video? Ever seen the video for his first single “County Line”? Exibits D & E.

  • c b w

    Coolio = West Coast ODB

    -wild hair

    -affinity for drank and “that shit”

    -gang of kids

    oooh baby coolio likes it raw…powder and chicks

  • latino heat

    i see rocks aren’t the only white thing that coolio loves.