Lil’ Kim on “Dancing With the Stars?” Werrrrrd?

Did Lil’ Kim apply for this shit herself or has ABC finally consulted VH1’s programmers?

Maybe she thought she heard “Dancing ON the Stars.” I think she pulled the three-peat on that show from 1995-96 through 1997-98 seasons. Is Kimmy aware that she can’t just go up there and Bankhead Bounce her way to the championship round? I know she was locked up for a while. She might not have peeped the first couple seasons of this shit. They had Emmitt Smith hoofin like a retired-ass Mr. Bojangles for his crown. She’d better have a mean routine ready for the opener!

Imagine the shared look of horror on the faces of 15 million suburban housewives when they see Lil Kim twirl away from Serrrrrgio to magically present a full, unopened 22-ounce Corona bottle, set it on the floor, pounce onto it vagina-first and cha-cha around like nothing ever happened.

To guarantee a prefect ten, she’ll release the empty, capless bottle onto the dancefloor. Homegirl’s about to change the game. You normally gotta go to Mexico for action like that, people.

[Blogger’s Note: Imagine what she doooo with a 2-liter?! Save that for the finale.]

I say, fuck it. Since we’re making a full-on spectacle, let Mr. Cheeks be her dance partner! If you give her some swarthy, classically-trained Don Flamenco motherfucker, there’s going to be a tragedy of Sparkle proportions. Making Kim hoof it out like Ginger Rogers is only going to result in a studio that reeks of salmon cakes and burnt plastic. When them tittyballs get to making friction, they’d better have the right kind of fire extinguisher ready too. I don’t know if that’s water-based, electric or what.

If you’re gonna have Lil Kim and Lawrence Taylor on the same season you gotta let them do them enough to warrant—

GAAAAAASP! Lawrence Taylor!!!

I’ve got it! Make the contestants team up on some I Love Money shit. Who wouldn’t be watching DWTS for a pairing of Lil Kim and LT? I know all of you niglets would. I’m sure there was already blow being done backstage before—as you gotta be high on something to beat Patra in a butterfly contest with one leg–but these two have the potential to turn that shit into the Jordan Tower Films Coke-A-Thon.

If ever there were a time for Puffy and D-Roc to stand tall for Kim as she did for her homies she’d never met before in her life, it’s now. Just like the Vote or Die campaign, he should be on YouTube imploring all “organic” niggas and bitches to call up and show their support every week. Luckily, callers from home won’t be exposed to badussy backdraft like the unfortunate studio audience.

Ugh. Salmon croquettes. Them shits is very NOT organic.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Your early pick for the coke-a-thon? ron@ronmexicocity.com

They should convince M.I.A. to hang on to that baby another month and one-up Kim’s bottle routine with a live birth to Denise Williams’ “Let’s Hear It For The Boy.”

  • escobar9300

    Hahahaha Ronnie is on some straight up hateful shit. Fuckin hysterical man, keep the ether coming mex!

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusciprofile EmCDL

    “Ugh. Salmon croquettes. Them shits is very NOT organic.”

    Damn man you killin it! Shit is funny as hell! Ether that plastic bitch!

  • Pierzy

    I can’t wait until each judge gives her the lowest score and she responds by saying, “Let me show you how I make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth.”

    Although, the way she looks lately, she’ll probably pronounce that shit “Splite” and follows it up with the Christmas Story classic “fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra”

  • Ayre

    Oh shit no lie I was just telling my co-worker that Lil Kim would prolly open a heineken with her asshole to keep her name relevant on DWTS! LOL!

  • anutha_level

    “Making Kim hoof it out like Ginger Rogers is only going to result in a studio that reeks of salmon cakes and burnt plastic. When them tittyballs get to making friction…”

    aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • anutha_level

      and i’d still creampie that ho…

      • Jamal7Mile

        I’d have to gobble (and I mean GOBBLE) a 5th of Henny first.

        Yo Tony, I Googled the Cat Lady. Not even Henny (or the bar inventory) could make me even dream about going near that! JEEEEZ!

        Cheers.

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

          Ha! Considered that image that I made you burn into your subconcious an early April Fool’s Day present.

  • amar

    they gotta get foxy on this show too and have them go at it. In fact, let’s see 50 and rick ross finaling ending their beef by seeing who can salsa better on dancing with the stars too (no homo). It’s not like 50 can get any gayer anyway…and rick ross…well, seeing a fat cop with a ginormous beard and 7 chins dance would just be entertaining. We can place bets on how many episodes it takes him to bust a hip

    • BIGNAT

      i take that bet the answer is zero ross would bust his hip just practing the salsa. on top of that he would have a heart attack and be sweating like a pedofile. stuck in a elevator with a young boys choir.

  • DA TRUTH

    I cant wait to see her on Dancing with the stars. so i can know excactly what time to tell my Aunt to bust in my little cuzz room and catch him jerking off. and my aunt hate lil japanese hoes (a beytch burnt my uncle back in the war. long story).

  • Penelope Rodriguez

    Am I the only one who thinks this shit will be embarassing?

    • $ykotic

      Not at all.

  • Enlightened

    Damn nigga, I guess you actually have a little fanbase, because I swear everytime I read something you did, I think it’s a horrible-ass imitation of Bol. Like, you suck.
    But then I read the other comments and nobody else says that.
    I guess it’s just me then.

  • sealsaa

    Appearing on one of these “reality TV” shows :The ultimate sign that you’re career is over, and that you’re no longer a viable entertainer. I’m waiting for Madonna to get her anciet whore-ass on the show.

  • $ykotic

    You started this Mexx!

    That “Blackanese” blog made her get on her grind!

    Coke a Thon?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      “They should convince M.I.A. to hang on to that baby another month and one-up Kim’s bottle routine with a live birth to Denise Williams’ “Let’s Hear It For The Boy.””

      Wow. You made me choke on my Doritos & Tiki Punch.

  • Shawty J

    “Making Kim hoof it out like Ginger Rogers is only going to result in a studio that reeks of salmon cakes and burnt plastic. When them tittyballs get to making friction, they’d better have the right kind of fire extinguisher ready too. I don’t know if that’s water-based, electric or what.”

    LMAO

  • giantstepp

    “Salmon cakes” and “Burnt plastic”? My god Mex that description of Kimmey is dead ass on. Good job. Sad thing is, she was actually very pretty back in the day. She done fucked up bigtime.

  • Smel

    Let’s Hear it for the Boy?????????

    BWAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA

  • louie mo

    “he should be on YouTube imploring all “organic” niggas and bitches to call up and show their support every week”

    “Ugh. Salmon croquettes. Them shits is very NOT organic”

    this shit is too funny………… keep it up

    NEW BALANCE TALENT 4 LIFE

  • c b w

    I’m just waiting for her titty to pop out while doing the Samba. After they blackout the screen,return with the scores and the hype dies down after a week she’ll be replaced by Thelma Hopkins (Mona’s mom)from Half and Half.

    or

    I’ll wait for LT to have a coke relapse and Suge Knight his dance partner through the Fox Trot. Arm around the neck dragging a bitch all over the floor.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      ^^^^^Telma Hopkins, Nell Carter’s best friend on “Gimme A Break”.

    • Smel

      I’ve been thinkin this the whole time. DWTS is notorious for skimpy costumes and wardrobe malfunctions, but they ain’t ready for THIS.

      It’s gonna be pasties flying into the audience and shit

  • BIGNAT

    (Is Kimmy aware that she can’t just go up there and Bankhead Bounce her way to the championship round?) lets be real ron ron this bitch might not make it to the dance studio to practice in the first place. then when it’s time to dance she gotta try to get by showing whatever goods she got left. smh the FCC going cancel the show all because little margaret cho. going shake out her tittes and most likely not wear panties.