Diddy in “You Know How’t Get in the Club”

Am I the only one who notices that these Diddy fuckery blogs always seem to come in bunches?

“When Diddy arrived at 1:45 a.m. with a six-man entourage, a witness said he ‘flipped out’ when cops asked to search him and his friends.’He went nuts, saying, ‘Why are you disrespecting me like this? Why are you doing this to me?’ During the commotion, one of his guys slipped away, unsearched, back to the car.’

Combs ‘stormed off and started to text DJ Clue asking, ‘What the [bleep] is going on?’ and asked if he could go in the back entrance.’ When told that the cops would have to search him and his friends there as well, Combs decided not to attend the party. His rep had no comment.” –New York Post, (most reliable newspaper ever)

After Kobe “Raw Dog” Bryant made my Knicks his homely Colorado slidepiece to the tune of 61 points Monday night, there was partying to be done. Playing host to both DJ Clue’s birthday—which I wouldn’t attend unless LaLa was co-hosting—and Kobe’s triumphal entry (on Lamar Odom’s shoulders), Diddy absolutely had to be there.

Right, because none of us remember what happened the last time Puffy openly packed the powdered toast in a New York nightclub. Nigga damn near made a second Biggie out of Shyne.

[Blogger’s Note: We ain’t talking about vocal similarity here.]

So Poppa Diddy Pop couldn’t be at a club without the Roscoe P. Coldchain on him?

Sheeeeit. I could see Puffy and D-Roc now:

Diddy: *behind the velvet rope* Ha Ha! I see you, Clue. [to security] Excuse me. I’m trying to get through.

Security: Yes, sir. Just a moment. I’m going to have to pat you down real quick and pass this metal detector over—

Diddy: *no longer smiling* You’re joking, right?

D-Roc: *draped over Diddy’s shoulder* Yeah. You jokin, right?

Securtiy: I know. It’s silly, but unfortunately not. There’s police inside and they’re making sure—

Diddy: Police? *signals to back of entourage* Man, bring them niggas out here! Don’t they know I run this city? *passes small man purse to back of entourage*

D-Roc: *looking around nervously, still draped over Puff’s shoulder* Yeah. My man RUN this city and he RAN this city!

Security: You know, if you gotta go back to the car, that’s totally cool. I just gotta do my job out here.

D-Roc: Man it’s polices in there and everything. WE ain’t hostin SHIT! This whole situation is definitely not organic.

Diddy: If y’all gonna disrespect me like this I’mma have to leave. The birthday boy ain’t gonna like that. Y’all don’t wanna make DJ Clue cry right?

Security: I-I don’t have–

Diddy: –Because DJ Clue crying like a bitch in there is definitely not good for business.

D-Roc: That shit is definitely not organic. We trynna keep shit pesticide-free right now and you sprayin all kinds of Raid and boric acid and shit—

Diddy: Hold up, D-Roc. Fuck the bullshit! Watch this. *turns to people online* I’M LEAVIN! DON’T NOBODY GO INTO THAT FUCKIN PARTY!

D-Roc: THAT SHIT AIN’T ORGANIC! THEY GOT ASBESTOS AND PESTICIDE NIGGAS IN THERE!

Security: Alright, if you’re not gonna come in then you might wanna step aside.

D-Roc: *whispering into Puffy’s ear* I think them niggas comin out is po’.

Diddy: Best believe we out this bitch! *to crowd again* I KNOW Y’ALL DON’T WANNA SEE NO PUNK ASS KOBE NO WAY, RIGHT?!

Line Patrons: *mumbling* I wanna see Kobe, shit. *more mumbling*

Diddy: *whispering to crew* Let’s try the back. We shoulda came in through the back any damn way!

D-Roc: Yeah. I’m comin in through the backway. *smiles emptily*

Negro, please! Does Puffy really think they’re going to allow the ratchets, blinkies, biscuits and burners inside a club that’s got 10% of the nation’s gross domestic product in it? We’re approaching full-on depression. The only niggas robbing people at gunpoint around trendy Chelsea nightspots will be the NYPD, thank you very much.

I understand the need for a man to feel self-reliant and proactive about his protection. Believe me, I’m from the same school of thought and subsequent approach. But if you don’t think you should be at a particular club without the thang thang on you, maybe the party should just be at Club Puffy’s House. I’m sure Room 112 is vacant. Jump it off there.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Herrowww, Rah Rah! ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: Where the fuck is Roscoe P. Coldchain?!

  • Pierzy

    If Diddy ruled the world, we’d all be packin’ when we get “dressed up” to go to our favorite nightspot. That way, if you’re talking to a girl and she isn’t feeling you, you can kidnap her.

    Speaking of Kobe (ha!), here’s his stat line from the other night: 61 points, zero rebounds, 3 assists. It was a classic performance, but there’s more to the game than just scoring.

  • Bigscreech

    Roscoe is locked the fuck up.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      delinquent for real, huh?

      easily my favorite non-clipse re-up gang member.

  • EReal

    Coldchain is in jail for merckin someone isn’t he?

    LMAO @ the shyne refrence

  • Oneofthemyo’s

    I thought it was roscoe p. Goldchain anyway that whole organic shit had me crackin up that sounds like it might have to get imported in my vocabulary (pause). Oh and first, second, fourth or fifth..peace

  • EReal

    Im one of them asbestos dudes.

  • louie mo

    “So Poppa Diddy Pop couldn’t be at a club without the Roscoe P. Coldchain on him?”……………………………….

    god damn ron is killin this shit……. and that organic line is too classic …….. nigga you need to get all of your classic blogs and make that shit into a book…….*thinks about it*………. never mind you know niggaz don’t read any way……… but good ass blog never the less…….. organic ……… hahahahaha …… word to d-roc

  • amar

    HAHA puffy and d-roc present: night at the roxbury 2.

    • EReal

      EMILIO!!!!!!!!!

  • DV8

    funny but missing one thing.

    D-ROC: *as Diddy entourage leaves the premises* We going back to the crib!!!(while hanging on Diddy’s shoulders.

    This kinda reminds me of the Chappelle Making The Band skit. Except Diddy is the one doing the carrying.

  • bongolock

    hilarious! i can leave work now

  • BIGNAT

    OH MAN RON RON YOU GOT ME CRACKING UP ESPECIALLY THAT ORGANIC SHIT. Police? *signals to back of entourage* Man, bring them niggas out here! Don’t they know I run this city? *passes small man purse to back of entourage* hahahahaha puff don’t run shit but his mouth

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    “That shit is definitely not organic. We trynna keep shit pesticide-free right now and you sprayin all kinds of Raid and boric acid and shit—”

    LMAO!!!! Damn Ron you killin it!!!! And I wouldn’t be surprised if that actually happened just the way you described it too!

    • Smel

      CLASSIC LINE

  • geico lizard

    La La cant host any parties she is too busy in denver trying to convince melo yello to marry her top heavy self. Kobe left a 2grand tip to the server and ordered the security to keep the women away from him and his boys,wtf? I know you dont want to catch another case but why hurt your boys chances of getting with a K.O.B.E. groupie.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      because he’s a dick like that

      • squadwildin

        Naw because of what happened wit 2pac and his homeboys. Remember it was his homeboys that fucked that groupie while he was in another room and the groupie ONLY pressed charges on 2PAC.

        Some way or another those bitches will find a way to get the main person’s name involved.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

    Hahaha Ron, niggas needed that comic relief after a full day of 50/Ross overdose. Lmao!

    D-Roc is the new improved Fonzworth Bentley. Man servant remix (take that).

    • DevoG

      Is it me or does Bentley work for Kanye now?

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

        Devoe,

        Them niggas might be the same mufucka, like Janet & Michael Jackson or Redman & K-Solo.

        • DevoG

          Nah, U seen that pic with Kanye and the “Extremely Unusual Suspects” over in London last week. In that crew, I think Kanye is Kaiser Sose, to Bentley’s Verbal Kent.

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

          Ha! Kanye seems like the type to pay a grown man to do his chores, as opposed to most “rich niggas” who would just drag around the best qualified blunt rollers to tend to their needs.

          & Puff is a douche nozzle to the fullest, I’m surprise that bafoon doesn’t refer to himself in 3rd person yet.

          “Puffy’s thirsty, nah’mean?. Puffy needs Puffy’s ciroc topped off! Yall hear Puffy!”

        • DevoG

          I hear you but,
          1.) Is rolling a blunt really a chore? If so, wouldn’t Snoop be somewhat diesel?
          and
          2.) How do we know Puff doesn’t refer to himself in the 3rd, 4th, or 5th person in private. Hell, he might even refer to himself as Craig Mack on days when he not feeling so Pro-active.

  • DevoG

    Can’t front. I just laughed at my own comment.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Right, hummin “flava in ya ear” while he walks around the house with a superman cape on, eatin Wheaties & Sunny D from a platinum & ruby bowl.

      “Damn, Puffy loves bein Puffy, bitches! Puffy said that!”

      D-roc in the background: “Yeah bitches! Puffy did said that, aint that right Puff?

  • DevoG

    Damn, Puffy might be Dwight Howard also! and D-Rock is Jameer Nelson.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Lol! Them dudes a like hip hop Pinky & the Brain.

      Dr: So, what we doin today Puff, huh, what we doin?

      Pd: Puffy’s doin the same shit I do eryday, niggas! Puffy gon take over the world! I thought Puffy told yall asses….

      Dr: We won’t stop, bitches, We won’t!