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Been In The Game Since The 5th Grade…

11yr old

^Typical American 11yr old = not one bit gangsta

Lil’ Wang says that he signed his Cash Money contract when he was 11. That is in fucking credible that someone gives him a contract when he is a fifth grader. I can only think of Michael Jackson being that ballyhooed and that young. What in the world would a child have to rap about in the fifth grade that would even be marketable in mainstream music. I mean, Disney could figure out the angle to have him rhyme about Care Bears, but what would Cash Money be doing making a children’s album?

There are kids in countries like Haiti or Somalia that have the right to be 11 year old rappers since those kids have more than likely been part of some junta since they were able to walk. There are 10yr old army lieutenants in Haiti. I’m pretty sure of that. Just ask Combat Jack. But what is some kid from the United States, even Detroit, East St. Louis or New Orleans gonna be able to create content about? Maybe he experienced some crazy shit in the foster care sytem? But if he grew up under his momma the only shit he might could spit about is when his momma’s boyfriends come over and get domestic and wear her out.

Rapping is some specialized shit that you have to practice over and over again. Just like anything that is a profession. You wouldn’t want an 11 year old to perform a kidney transplant on you would you? Hells no! You would want someone that had many years of experience at holding a scalpel and removing and replacing organs before you submitted yourself to the anesthesia. Why do you not respect the art that goes into your eyes and ears to the same rigors and requirements? I don’t understand some of you cats sometimes. You don’t even know the difference between dope or dog food.

I’ve given Lil’ Wang the hardest time on this column because I feel like his rhyme catalog contains nothing worth listening to twice. There is no higher level of metaphors or similes and no gravitas of subject matter. Lil’ Wang always receives credit for the genius onomatopoeia of the word “bling”, but wasn’t that B.G. who actually coined the phrase? What has Lil’ Wang inserted into the culture then? What has he given us that we should honor him as great? He doesn’t even deliver great theatre. If Lil’ Wang the rapper is your hero you have lost. If Lil’ Wang the rockstar is your hero get ready for wintime.

Lil’ Wang the rockstar is the best thing since sliced bread. It is Hendrix x Morrison x Jimmy Page minus the talent to play guitar and craft introspective songs. But the part that has drug use and sex with underage girls is there on 100. ‘Prom Queen’ is the first of hopefully many songs which Lil’ Wang uses to create his rockboy image. Buy a studded belt in every color you can find. Copp a pair of those god-awful Supras. Get a tattoo on your eyeballs. This is where the Lil’ Wang movement is headed.

Why would Lil’ Wang even consider battling Fifty. This rap music shit is dead. KanYe is doing R-n-B now. Let all these old rappers like Jadakiss and Cam’Ron have rap music back. Lil’ Wang sold 3 millions albums in the 2008 rap music industry, where 300K is the new platinum. 3 million is like going platinum 10x. Fuck rap. What Lil’ Wang wants to have is stadium status. Rock music will get him stadium status. Sending diss records to the internets will not get him stadium status. If you were writing raps since you were 8 yrs old like Lil’ Wang says he was then why would you want to be doing the same damn thing for twenty years?

Rockstars run the fucking world. Leave the battle raps to the monkeys and gorillas.

Update: Lil’ Wayne Finally Beats Tupac As Most Overrated Rapper Of All Time

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