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Lil’ Kim: Turning Blackanese?

Lil' Kim (green) and recently-discovered cousin
Lil Kim (left, jade) and adopted cousin.

I know this issue is a bit of a throwback by now and the information is second-hand at best, but for what was originally supposed to be Notorious O.B.A.M.A. week, I must weigh in on reports of our favorite rap sexpot, Lil’ Kim wanting to be portrayed by an Asian actress.

“Lil’ Kim wasn’t really a champion of this movie… She really didn’t support this movie because she wanted to have more control. I understand if some is portraying you, you want to have control — but there’s only but there’s only so much control you can have. She didn’t want Naturi [Naughton] to play her… She wanted an Asian girl to play her. So we’re all praying for Lil’ Kim’s mental stability and everything.” Dennis White, ThatsHipHop.com via ReelLoop.com

Kim’s issues with her portrayal in the film have been no secret, but according to White–who plays Damion “D-Roc” Butler in Notorious—Queen Bee not only was unhappy with the fact that she felt the film made her look like a skeet-n-beat, but that Lucy Liu wasn’t cast for the role.

And here I was thinking that Foxy Brown was the “China Doll.” Eh, I can’t always tell these two apart. The first time I heard “Paper Chase” on Jay-Z’s album, I thought it was Kim. Foxy and Kim just need to conjoin, form a super slutcee and get it all over with.

[Blogger’s Note: Foxy Brown was the blackest china doll I ever seen. Maybe it was the Beijing smog-covered edition.]

If you ask me, this chick done seen the “Thoia Thoing” video one too many times. The images rappers fall asleep to blunts on never cease to amaze me. R. Kelly has a way of hypnotizing impressionable black women into believing shit they otherwise wouldn’t—like that his urine is good for acne.

Turning Japanese. I think she’s turning Japanese. I really think so.

[Blogger’s Note: I want the R. Kelly remix of that song to happen NOW! Eh, I guess “Thoia Thoing” was his rendition. Nevermind.]

Perhaps the collagen and scalpel sessions are to blame here. Plastic surgery will fuck up one’s view of self. Rather, plastic surgery will fuck it up more than it already was fucked before the final decision to go under the knife. I find the self-loathing involved to be super poignant on the heels of Notorious’ MLK/Obama weekend release?

For shame, Kimmy.

I know her face has been stretched and pulled in all kinds of different directions whereas her eyes might be a little… ummm…. permanently squinty, but this is fucking ridiculous. Even if she can produce a birth certificate that says “parent: Fu Yuen Chen,” she ain’t so much as looked Asian before she hit that surgery table for the 5th or 6th time too many.

She ain’t even look touchdown. Ordering enough chicken and broccoli to get a lifetime membership at Wing Lee on Nostrand doesn’t make you honorary Asian.

Turning Blackanese? Perhaps.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Wanna talk out some identity issues of your own? ron@ronmexicocity.com

Maybe she can ride out on Joe Budden in a diss track and be Miss Saigon.

Okay, I’m done. I promise.

I just remember when she was black and proud.
I just remember when she was black and proud.

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