Akon’s Word is Bond… James Bond

As Ya Woy Ply would implore, please excuse my title. :(

“A lot of people don’t know that I’m heavily trained in martial arts. And when it comes to cars–-that’s my thing. I was raised on cars… I could do acting… It would probably take me six months to a year of training to make sure I’d get the [Bond] role.” -Akon, The Sun via AllHipHop.com

This whole Obama Mania thing got nigroes really believing they can be anything they want, huh? I mean, shit. Akon joins a long list of undeserving black entertainers who’ve thrown their 59/50 fitted caps into the search for the next bond. While Cuba Gooding, jr. & Jamie Foxx are actual actors of merit and talent, niggas like Puffy and Akon are having Rick James-esque delusions of grandeur when they say they can play a womanizing, heavy-drinking gamblin’ ass–

Hmm… Maybe they’re not too far off after all.

I’m admittedly not much of a Bond fan, but it seems like folks are seriously fuckin with this Daniel Craig dude.

Puffy has already lost out on major roles to the likes of Jamie Foxx and the guy in the McNugget Love commercial while Akon… is a compulsive liar. We can effectively end this swarthy successor discussion altogether right now. If Bond ever needed to be black know that Don Cheadle would lap that shit up faster than Akon can hand me a pack of tight-ass tube socks.

[Blogger's Note: Them shits is always a size too small.]

Here’s a serious question. I don’t want it to come off as culturally insensitive or anything, but–What the fuck kind of dojo did Akon study at in Senegal? I know he’s head of a notorious car theft ring and all. His experience in that realm will definitely be helpful in terms of preparing for the role. As for this whole Bruce Leroy Lumumba shit he’s talking, I need some proof. Nigga gon have to roundhouse an ostrich on YouTube or some shit before I can co-sign a Double-0 Akon reading.

If by “martial arts” he means “using cacophony as a defense mechanism,” then I won’t contest further.

As Barack Obama has effectively ended racism and leveled the playing field for all Americans, I’m not even gonna trip on the fact that Akon would be the first black Bond. I’d be much more stoked for contemporary hip-hop in that we’d finally have our first Auto-Tune Bond!

I know I’m not alone, right? Someone else among you must be excited for forthcoming titles like From Africa With Love, The Spy Who Compressed My Vocals, 808s and Octopussy, The Man With the Golden Kufi and TommyGear Never Dies.

I can tooootally get behind some robot voice on the big screen. I’d wear a gold chain and crump for the soundtrack. Plus, it’s apparently better that African-Africans do all the monumental boundary breaking here in the states.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Damn. They finally got that nigga O.J., huh? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • Manny78d

    You a fool Mex. Nice one.

    Kon can only go tiger-style on groupies and teenage whiteboys.

  • anutha_level

    yea mane…OJ finally got banged up, and over the most ridiculous shit. won in one of the most sensational trials ever…and goin out like this. don’t take ya life for granted kiddies! u can and WILL get touched eventually. as for toby playin bond……will neva happen.

    • anutha_level

      i COULD however see cube rockin that shit.

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        hahahahaa. no fuckin way.

        maybe it’s me, but it’s hard to take cube seriously in an action role. though the NWA career might have been his best such performance.

        • amar

          i support ice cube and all, but he looks like he’s constantly constipated when he’s acting…or…singing…or…just being himself. I think he should stick to boyz n’ the hood type roles where he played himself as a teenager

        • anutha_level

          c’mon man…u can’t tell me he wasn’t pretty good in that XXX joint. shit i think he pulled it off…along that note, shit vin diesel would be an ill selection…AND closer to their own persuasion….dig?

        • amar

          hmm i don’t remember him in xxx but actually now that i think about it, he wasn’t half bad. He killed boyz n the hood though…BUT..when i think of ice cube as an actor, i can’t help but think of taht fucking family movie he did…u know where a disfunctoinal black family goes on vacation and run into a buncha boring-ass problems? Goddamn he needs to release 5 hardbody-ass albums before i can forgive him for that

        • Pierzy

          I love Cube but, admittedly, how much of a stretch was Boyz In The Hood? Wasn’t he pretty much playing himself/his MC persona?

          And don’t ever forget about Don Cheadle in Meteor Man!

        • Pierzy

          And those terrible family movies are called “Are We There Yet?” and “Are We Done Yet?” Just awful.

  • Bobo D

    Nah, they will never be a black James Bond.
    The reason why I say this we’ve all seen the build up for the new film. And I’ve noticed for every commercial, article , the music video etc; they show Bond holding his machine gun or shooting up people.

    Now if that was a black actor, the shit will be censored. The review board will automatically rate it R18:
    “Oh shit! That nigger is shooting up white people. I know they’re the villians, but we can’t have that.”

  • Jerzee

    “Nigga gon have to roundhouse an ostrich on YouTube or some shit before I can co-sign a Double-0 Akon reading.”

    LMAO!!!

  • amar

    i don’t like bond either, but akon’s right, there isn’t much acting in that role. Kick someone’s ass, fuck a slut, piss off a foreign government. Akon does all that shit already, he’d be perfect for a bond role.

    But seriously though, don cheedle as bond would be pimp. But u gotta work samuel l jackson in there somehow. He’s already played shaft, that badass gun-loving pimp in foxy brown and the crazy mofo in pulp fiction among other badass characters. Too bad he’s kinda old now…maybe he can be bond’s butler…but…super cool…

    • kne81

      the whole idea of Don Cheadle idea ain’t bad….that wouldn’t be bad cuz you know he is a very good actor…but it probably wouldn’t happen which is sad…

      • kne81

        not to sound homo..lolz…but I’m sure if Don would have the sex apeal…maybe Jamie Foxx…just a thought

  • geico lizard

    You read my mind Ron because when i heard diddy and then akon say they wanted the role i felt the same way. Its bad enough we have beyonce who can barely speak taking a bunch of roles that should go to actual actors but we dont need more musicians trying to act. Beyonce and her dad thought they could punk the oscar people into nominating her for dream girls the way they punk the music industry into making her the headliner for every awards show. Mrs Jay z even said she wants to be the next wonder woman,wtf? We dont want the first black wonder woman to talk like fantasia was her tutor.

    • tony grand$

      “Talking like Fantasia was her tutor”

      Lmao!!!! She just learnt how to read, she gonna be askin Beyonce what that word is…

  • http://colby-sempek.com Ghost

    You think we would need to ease into this type of shit like we did with Obama? ie Obama being half black…

    Wanye Brady anyone?

  • El Tico Loco

    James Bond is from UK so you gotta get an American to play the role before they put a brother on there, they’re not gonna go black and American or a citizen of Zamunda in one shot(baby steps ya’ll). As matter fact Jason Bourne can kick James Bond ass ,He be takin all yall evil he be goin bam bam bam (I was writing to Capital Punishment). Why nobody tryna be the next Shaft? Ya’ll need another one, we latinos ain’t got nobody but freakin Zorro. SMH

  • Silky Johnson

    Wasn’t Akon just bitching about how customs harasses him? James Bond stays on his dodging law enforcement shit, and Akon can’t even go on vacation without getting harrassed?
    How the fuck is Akon gonna be super slick secret agent when he can’t even get passed the half ass security at Newark Airport?

  • kne81

    I personally can see Cuba Goodin Jr. or Jamie Foxx playin the role of Bond..but I’m not sure about Akon, I haven’t seen him act,…but El Tico, I agree with ya..I can definetly see Matt Damon playin that role too (since you mention Jason Bourne)..

  • SILLY WILLY

    Mex, excuse me if I’m mistaken but you the one who tripped over the fact that Megatron was a plane instead of a gun in the Transformer joint, right ???

    Well, there’ll never be a black Bond, not even Denzel can get it, because in the book they took ALL the movies from, James Bond is a british archetype, and if there’s any minority remotely related to british, that’d be indians……real ones, not Sitting-Bull ones

    I say that and I’m black and proud

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      nah, that wasn’t me. hahaa.

      yeah, i don’t see how it would happen. but if it did, you don’t think denz or cheadle could pull it off?

      and if it’s gotta be indian, then… how about aasif mandvi?

  • SILLY

    I like the idea of a Golddigger, a The Hoes are not Enough, or even a License To Ill……yeah, I know, that one was easy

  • Kaos

    Howabout none of them guys. It’s a British character, the day an American Bond is made I will actually headbutt every Yank I see (no offense, just has to be done) go have the first black Bourne or the first black John McClane, but the first Black Bond should be British.

    and Silly Willy SHATTUP with that asian being the only minority related to British. Where did bare Jamaican families go…Britain, fam.

    Get to know.

    • El Tico Loco

      The first Bond was American.

      • Kaos

        No…he was Scottish

        • BIGNAT

          I DON’T THINK SO SEAN CONNERY WAS SCOTTISH HE WAS THE SECOND BOND. THE FIRST ONE WAS ROGER MOORE. THE THIRD WAS PERICE AND FOURTH DANIEL BOTH ENGLISHMEN. ANYONE KNOW WHERE ROGER MOORE CAME FROM I KNOW FOR SURE HE WAS NOT SCOTTISH

  • http://xxlmag.com kane corleone

    The golden kufi….Classic

  • Simple like ABC, 123

    First he said that T-Pain > Nate Dogg,
    now he want to be the next “Negro Bond”

    Come on Akon (II) Negro Please!!!

  • valdez

    cuba gooding junior playing bond??? LMAO!!

    it would have to be denzel, fishburn, or foxx.

  • SILLY WILLY

    IRIE KAOS,
    Don’t trip man, I get your point but it’s not the same level of bond that they share with indians, for real. James Bond is the movie version of a Jaguar or an Aston Martin in popular auto culture. It may be owned by TI’s (in this case, Tall Indians , Tata Motors for Jag), but the bottom line is that the car is still made in UK, designed by british, and sold with that british fashion shit.

  • SILLY WILLY

    Maybe a Terrence Howard can pull it off if necessary though, Denzel mos definitely…

  • Pierzy

    Akon was on Howard Stern today and he was saying some wild shit…

  • http://www.myspace.com/sniperskaos Kaos

    It’s all about Idris Elba.