Akon’s Word is Bond… James Bond

As Ya Woy Ply would implore, please excuse my title. :(

“A lot of people don’t know that I’m heavily trained in martial arts. And when it comes to cars–-that’s my thing. I was raised on cars... I could do acting... It would probably take me six months to a year of training to make sure I’d get the [Bond] role.” -Akon, The Sun via AllHipHop.com

This whole Obama Mania thing got nigroes really believing they can be anything they want, huh? I mean, shit. Akon joins a long list of undeserving black entertainers who've thrown their 59/50 fitted caps into the search for the next bond. While Cuba Gooding, jr. & Jamie Foxx are actual actors of merit and talent, niggas like Puffy and Akon are having Rick James-esque delusions of grandeur when they say they can play a womanizing, heavy-drinking gamblin' ass--

Hmm... Maybe they're not too far off after all.

I'm admittedly not much of a Bond fan, but it seems like folks are seriously fuckin with this Daniel Craig dude.

Puffy has already lost out on major roles to the likes of Jamie Foxx and the guy in the McNugget Love commercial while Akon... is a compulsive liar. We can effectively end this swarthy successor discussion altogether right now. If Bond ever needed to be black know that Don Cheadle would lap that shit up faster than Akon can hand me a pack of tight-ass tube socks.

[Blogger's Note: Them shits is always a size too small.]

Here's a serious question. I don't want it to come off as culturally insensitive or anything, but--What the fuck kind of dojo did Akon study at in Senegal? I know he's head of a notorious car theft ring and all. His experience in that realm will definitely be helpful in terms of preparing for the role. As for this whole Bruce Leroy Lumumba shit he's talking, I need some proof. Nigga gon have to roundhouse an ostrich on YouTube or some shit before I can co-sign a Double-0 Akon reading.

If by "martial arts" he means "using cacophony as a defense mechanism," then I won't contest further.

As Barack Obama has effectively ended racism and leveled the playing field for all Americans, I'm not even gonna trip on the fact that Akon would be the first black Bond. I'd be much more stoked for contemporary hip-hop in that we'd finally have our first Auto-Tune Bond!

I know I'm not alone, right? Someone else among you must be excited for forthcoming titles like From Africa With Love, The Spy Who Compressed My Vocals, 808s and Octopussy, The Man With the Golden Kufi and TommyGear Never Dies.

I can tooootally get behind some robot voice on the big screen. I'd wear a gold chain and crump for the soundtrack. Plus, it's apparently better that African-Africans do all the monumental boundary breaking here in the states.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Damn. They finally got that nigga O.J., huh? ron@ronmexicocity.com