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The Kanye Code: What Would Jeezy Do? [WWJD?]

“Every time I write a chorus or any type of hook, I say like, ‘What would [Young] Jeezy do?’ You know how niggas be like, ‘What would Jesus do?’ Our shit is like, ‘What would Jeezy do? What would Jeezy say on this record?” At the end of the day, I make my shit straight white T-shirt-ready.”Kanye West, Def Jam Conference Call

Word, Kanye? What would Jeezy do? I can see the wristbands now.

I’m no biblical scholar, but according to the book of 1 Jeezy, third chapter, sixteenth verse, the golden rule of white tee-ready music is to include as many adlibs as possible. The danger of religion, however, is that scripture is always open to interpretation. Some rapster sects believe that when addressing the Atlanta congregation Jeezy is implying that “snow” is more important than “DEEEEEAAAAAAMMMNN!” Others believe that the high-energy, workout-ready melodies are the true foundation of Jeezyism.

The kid in me likes the frosted side. The grown-up is all about the enriched wheat flour that gives the block 12 essential vitamins and minerals.

Here I am thinking that Kanye West is the most self-centered, megalomaniacal, Napoleonic beast of an artist that rap music has ever seen, when really he is a man of faith and humble servant of the “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!”

Standing corrected, I now see the Jeezy influence in Kanye’s recent white-tee bangers such as “Love Lockdown” and “Heartless.” I would have thought the aforementioned dope-boy anthems reflected more of a devotion to Paintology, but clearly I don’t know shit about shit. Like I said, I’m no biblical scholar or religion expert. I’m the homo-loving heathen blogger, remember?

It’s not my place to test or question one’s piety, but I do wonder if Kanye–now having officially announced his religious affiliation–will go as far as some Jeezy extremists have in recent history. Some followers of Jeezyism have gone as far as intentionally crashing expensive foreign sportscars, circling police checkpoints intoxicated, opening fire outside of nightspots and taking massive turkey shits in recording studios.

Other practicing Jeezyists have housed Katrina victims, conducted toy drives in underprivileged neighborhoods and fucked with John McCain.

It will indeed be interesting to see how Kanye continues to manifest his devotion to this increasingly popular sect of the Christian faith. As 808s and Heartbreak looms, I’m sure those who follow Kanye as he follows Jeezy will be paying closest attention.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Still haven’t called the toll-free number for your personal prayer package?

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