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Why Does Sarah Palin Scare Diddy So Much?

Today’s sign of the apocalypse officially hips us to Bad Boy’s having fallen off. I mean, it’s taken Puffy months to finally drop the remix to “John McCain is Bugging the Fuck Out.”

There was a time when Puffy was like the Oracle of this remix shit.

Andre Harrell: *nodding head* Damn, Sean. What’s this shit? *now screwing face*

Puffy: Heh. You like that, right? That’s that “Flava In Ya Ear” Remix! I’mma get LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes on it! I think I’mma have to let my new nigga Biggie spit on this shit too. Yeah. I can see it now.

AH: *confused look* What’s “Flava In Ya Ear?”

This remix exhibits none of the confidence present in classic reprises like those for “It’s All About The Benjamins,” “Honey” and “Special Delivery.” In fact, he emanates the inverse. Why do we get “Long Kiss Goodnight” Puffy when addressing John McCain but Michael Clark Puffin in The Green Mile when addressing Sarah Palin?

Diddy does know we don’t have to tip our hats and shuffle anymore when a white lady enters the room, right? You don’t even have to hold the door for them if you don’t want or are in a hurry or something. Nigga bout made me want one of them Quiznos $2 Flatbread Sammies… or a Big Philly Cheeseteak.

“Oh, I’s sho scared of Miss Sarah, Bo! I reckon you best let her be.”

Maybe Puff’s scared that if Palin becomes pres-o-dent she’ll finally get back at him for not letting her be one of the Little Mermaid jumpoffs in the “Hypnotize” video.

Puffy ain’t hid under the covers that fast since we banged on his hotel room door and yelled “Dis Suge, nigga! Open the fuck up!”

Times Square Marriot, 1997… Good times. Good times. There must be some consequences and repercussions for going with Asian correspondent Trisha Takanawa instead of Almost Miss Alaska.

She’d have only been crushed by Vanessa Williams in the 1984 Miss America anyway, eerily foreshadowing losing a second big pageant to another eventual First Black Winner. I don’t think her psyche would have been able to recover.

He should have just given the Femme Bot a chance. She might even have been a whooty. Who knows? Lord knows if they ever let Bristol off the Ice Compound she’d find her way into a Gucci Mane video. If the state ever had any black[ish] people besides Carlos Boozer & Trajan Langdon [both of whom played for Duke, strangely], Sarah Barracuda might have had a microcosm of that African soupbone up in her jaws.

Now the only nigga she listened to in the 90s sang lead for Hootie & The Blowfish. We may have been able to avoid all of this had Puffy done his job and let her be Whooty on the Snow Bitch.

[Blogger’s Note: This is seal burger we grillin, holmes. Illegal seal burgerrr.]

Of course, Sarah Palin alone couldn’t break the will of a strapping young buck like Walter Lee Younger. Puffy, like many negroes, takes fright whenever forced to think critically. Anxiety disorders can be common when a nigga neurons get stressed like that. I’m not sure how. I mean, you got the acetylcholine runnin around and then the enzymes and shit… It just happens. When one’s maximum brainpower usage jumps instantly from deciding how much orange juice to pour on Froot Loops to explaining discontent with a candidate’s policies the neuron overload can put a nigga into a vegetative state.

Niggas need to be eased into extreme critical thinking exercises.

What did Diddy think about Palin’s answer to Couric’s question? Did he see the rest of this segment? There were several far more frightening instances of non-answering than that one.

1.    Perhaps Palin didn’t want to namedrop for free. Unlike The Game, this bitch gots code.
2.    Another possibility is that Palin didn’t want to snitch. If she tells you where she gets her info from, the terrorists may harp on it. That’s a matter of national security. Talking about it unneccesarily is just bitchassery.

I don’t tell people they need to be checkin like that. I mean, even though got the hot shit, there’s no need for me to even show my hand like that. If I’m reading when I’m not working on my own shit, then I’m just reading That’s all there is to that.

I’d like to see Diddy’s debate analysis too—even if it would sound something like:

“I don’t understand this shit. Sarah Palin is bugging the fuck out. Alaska?! You could see Russia from Alaska, nigga?! Are there even any black people in Russia? I don’t think there are any black people in Russia. Have you ever even had a Black Russian? Joe Biden is that nigga right now because Sarah Palin is bugging the fuck out.”

Assuming he means well in all of this buffoonery, Diddy still unintentionally brings up a very important point of concern. Is cooning still cooning when you’re cooning to help?

If a coon coons in the woods, can anyone hear him jangle?

Negro, please come out from under them covers. We’s try’n talk some sense into ya, boy.

You also needn’t be reminded that it’s wrong to proselytize your own political views while recruiting new voters. I ain’t voting for the Palin/McCain ticket [that’s what it has become], but I’m also not going to be nudging the youngsters’ levers in a particular direction this weekend as I encourage them to excersize one of the rights a second season of From G’s to Gents may cost us.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Really don’t think #8 Diddy is a serious threat?

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